Post Date: 10/22/07 8:15 pm
Ok--I am going to be totally honest and say something I have not told anyone.  I am scared of this not working long term.  I have done great so far (lost about 76 lbs so far) and am so happy with my weight loss.  I don't know what is happening . . . I can have a few bites of sweets and not dump or be sick.  My stomach hurts sometimes when I have a few  bites, but have not suffered big effects like dumping or vomiting.  I am scared that I can eat these things (in very small amounts) and don't have any repercussions.  What if I get fat again?  One of my reasons for having the surgery was to force myself to stay away from those foods that were so dangerous for me.  I feel like I am missing out on that tool and afraid.  I have had 2 bites of ice cream at a b-day party and got sick, but then had 4 bites at another birthday party and did not get sick.  Has anyone else been scared?  What about not getting sick and still being able to use my surgery as a tool?  What about all this Halloween candy--OMG scary season coming up--candy at Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas--this will be my first holiday season.  I always love this time of year and worried I am going to be "missing out."  Guess I can always look forward to fitting into all my clothes at Christmas.  No longer have to worry that the top my aunt gives me is not going to fit or that I have to hold it up in front of the family when I open it and it will look like a tent--no more!!!  Loving it!!

I have not posted in quite awhile, but do miss it.  This is hard to do on one's own because no one really understands except for others who have had RNY.  I appreciate everyone's comments. 

Finally under 200 lbs . . . I forgot what this feels like.  After 3 months post-op I have lost about 63 lbs.   I agree with other posters that I want people to recognize my weight loss.  People at work are finally saying something to me and like another poster said the people I have not seen in awhile are the ones that don't say anything . . . especially a few choice men. . .  I know people don't like to talk about weight, but I wish I could turn off that little voice in my head that says . . . "I wonder if he/she notices . . . I wonder what he/she thinks . . ."  As a good friend told me . . . what other people think is none of my business.  But it sure does feel awesome when some throws a compliment my way. 

I go through phases of being super excited and lows . . . I have read posts on here that reflect what I am feeling and experiencing.  Of course, that is a fabulous benefit of the site, communicating with people who are experiencing the same thing I have.  Initially I thought I can totally do this and be strong, but it is helpful to see that others share my same feelings.

I find sometimes that I can eat something and feel fine and then a week later I will eat the same thing and vomit.  Awful!!  I just have to take it one day at a time . . . trying to keep the faith and remember I am doing this for me (I forget that sometimes!!)

Well, I was scared of getting sick with my surgery cause I hate to vomit.  I was so concerned about it hurting or when it would happen.  I mean I have had food stuck before, but after a few minutes it always passed.  Then Saturday night at a BBQ, I tried to eat a bite of potato salad. I guess I did not chew the potato well enough, but it got stuck.  After a few minutes, it didn't go away.  I excused myself to the restroom and spit it up.  It did not seem like vomitting to me, but rather just spitting it up.  Up came the bite of potato salad and that was all.  The rest of the food stayed down and I washed my hands.   Then headed back to the party.  I felt 100 % better afterwards and it quashed my fears of getting sick.  It was easier than I thought and I felt so much better afterwards.  The worst part is the food sticking--that is definitely something I want to AVOID always!!!