I can't believe it's been two years. They have definitely been a rollercoaster of two years. I've had many ups and downs and I'm finally content. I still want to lose around thirty lbs or so but I gotta get my butt up and do it. two years ago I was over 100 lbs heaviers and sad. Today I can say that I love me and I'm happy where I am! I am surrounded by ppl that love and have even found the BEST FRIEND EVER ON OH! My (TEDDYBEAR) is amazing and always supports me!!! I've gained maybe five lbs but I know I can lose it! I appreciate everyone's support and love!

Wow...after I had surgery i swore I was going to keep up with this thing. I wonder what happened? I got to busy to do this and it shows. I haven't lost any weight RECENTLY..I've kind of leveled out. I'm currently 17 months post op. WOW how time flies! it seems just like yesterday I was 318 lbs! WELL...I'm officially a college graduate! I have my b.s. in Biology...and the next step is nursing school for me! EVENTUALLY I will go to med school! MARK MY WORDS! lol I'm basically just trying to refocus myself because I want to lose another thirty lbs. Everyone keeps telling me to stop but that's not going to happen until I am happy! I'm STILL OVERWEIGHT ppl! GEEZ! Anyway besides that I've been more social, and doing more things! I love to be on the go! I don't have to worry about being the "fat" friend anymore! The male attention is crazy...not sure I like it! It adds conflict to  my life and confuses me! I know who I want.....UGH next subject! this is just a update and all in all I'm doing good!!! LATER ppl

I've decided that:
* Maybe I need help(psychiatrist) with what's going on..
* I still eat to solve my problems...food is still a comfort at times..
* I deserve to be happy
* I want/desire to be in love
* I have to let go of some of the ppl in my life to move forward
* it's okay if I don't have the answers right now...I'm only 22
* I'm strong enough to move away from home nomatter how scared I am
* I'm going to lose my last twenty lbs or so and get back tot he basics
* I'm not going to settle for less than I deserve
* It's okay to have the standards that I have....I'm worth it
* I have to love myself......or no one else will
* I have to like who I am and not dwell in the past
* when i look in the mirror and see the same 318lb girl from before.....I'm not that anymore and it's time I change my perspective...
* That I am AMAZING whether u think so or not......

So for some strange reason I'm just down in the dumps. It seems like everytime I get some glimpse of HAPPINESS in my life it's kind of snatched away. I should be so happy...but I'm not. I would never tell anyone that because I've been post op for over a year i don't still struggle. Everyday is still a struggle. I still want to binge sometimes..and thats just being honest. I still struggle not to overeat....simply because the situations that caused me to overeat before are gone...but new situations produce the same emotions. I also thought that I'd love the attention that i get from guys now but honestly...it was easier when i wasn't getting so much attention. It's hard now because instead of wanting my mind(since it sure as hell wasn't my body before) it seems that everyone wants me for my goodies. It's really frustrating sometimes because it'slike I"M SCREAMING THERE IS MORE TO ME THAN JUST MY BODY! I had a WONDERFUL mind and I just wish that someone would take the time to see that. Everything in due time though. I've just been really snappy with alot of ppl lately and i don't mean to be things are just hard right now. I graduate from college in december! YAY...but I'm so not ready..not sure what I'm doing after this.....I need to be in school for insurance reasons and it's not looking good. I'm just at a point where I'm stuck!  HELP!! somebody anybody? On top of everything else my friend who hasn't seen me in like two weeks came and picked me up today.....she was like OMG u lost weight! (I lost five or seven lbs since she saw me last) She was like I don't like it...I don't think u need to lose anymore weight...you look sicly. I didn't say anything but it hurt...I'm so sick of ppl saying that! I'M NOT TINY! YES my face is very slim....but I'm still a size 12 sometimes 14! Somedays I feel tiny and other days I feel so large. I was a size 24 before so I've come a long way but still I yearn to be smaller. Not crazy small because I am 5'9 but still...it's just crazy. I don't know what to do! Everyone keeps saying it so do I start believing it? well i better go to bed..class in the morning..ugh!