I have gained 2 pounds this week.  I'm so frustrated.  I know this is the hardest time, but still.  It doesn't make any sense to me.  I'm so terrified that I'm going to fail at this.  This is my last shot and if I fail at this then...I don't know.  I'm scared.

I can't believe it's only been four weeks.  It feels like a lifetime.  I'm doing ok.  I am definitely in bandster hell.  I am not losing weight and it's frustrating.  I go for my first fill in 2 weeks.  I was so frustrated when the scheduler told me I would have to wait 3 weeks instead of the 2 Dr. LaMasters told me because they didn't have any afternoon openings.  So I have to go through this for another week.  It shouldn't be that bad, but I'm just too hard on myself most of the time.  Since I'm not losing I feel like a failure, even though I know this is normal.  Two weeks.  I'll just have to put my nose down and push through I guess.  Wish me luck.

This pureed diet is killing me!  I need some food with some texture.  And I have been craving pizza for weeks.  I've been really good and not had any, but I really really really want some.  I've found myself saying oh you're only a few days away from solid food.  You can do it a few days early.  I know I can't, and it's frustrating to me that I would even think that.  What does that say about me and my will power?  How will I ever succeed with this band if I have thoughts and an attitude like that.  I pray that I can hold out until Tuesday, but I don't have much confidence in myself.

I'm a little over 2 weeks out.  It's been a LONG two weeks.  I was in a lot of pain after the surgery.  More than I expected to be.  I was just starting to feel better when my son came down with a nasty virus and I had to take him to the ER.  Well 4 days after he got it I got it.  I am still wiped out but I'm starting to feel a little better.  I am still losing weight which is amazing to me.  This hasn't been easy but it is definitely worth it.  I still struggle with the "what did I do to myself?"  But that is getting a little better every day.  It's still 4 weeks till I get my first fill.  I'm excited and nervous about that.  Right now I just want to be able to eat normal food again.  They tell you that the emotional part of this is harder than the physical and you don't really believe it till it you go through it.  I'm so glad we all have this place tohelp us through it.  I would be lost if I didn't have the friends new and old that I've made here.  Well I'll stop rambling now.