Ken and I went on an Alaskan cruise for our 25th Anniversary celebration, What an eyeopener for myself and I am sure my husband as I had gained approx 30 more pounds since last year. I will try not to be too winded and just post the facts of my adventures as a obese women as I think of them. This will kinda give a small person a sense of how it feels to be big.
First of all I wondered if I was going to fit in the airplane seat or if I would need the belt extender. Well, I just made the seat belt thing as the area below my tummy is the smallest. I was in the middle seat and there was little area for my butt to roam I was pretty snug. That was a long 5 hour flight feeling like a sausage.
Throughout the trip, I found myself looking at the bigger people and saying to myself that I know I feel so bad as a big person that they must feel that way too and I just felt sad for them all. I do know that not all obese people feel bad but I bet there is a great percent that do. I had the sense that other people were looking at me and saying oh look how big that girl is. It is a weird feeling because in my mind I don't feel big. But let me look in the mirror, look at a photo or lay flat on my back, walk a distance, attempt a flight of stairs etc etc. I then feel very very fat. I then say to myself, " how the heck did you get so big?"
Once we arrived on the ship and made our way to the first meal, I realized my boobs had gotten so big they stick way out and when I try to take a bite of food, I have to push the boobs in, wear a bib or just let the food drop down on this huge shelf under my chin that are my 42DDD's.
We are in Alaska and it is cold and raining all week. I have my winter coat from last year on and a fleece jacket underneath. Well, the coat just fits and I feel like our little kids do when we bundle them up to go play in the snow with their snow suits and stuff. I now felt like a sausage in the big black coat in the rain. So as we are out on the excursions or shopping in the ports, there was lots and lots of walking. I just could not keep up with my husband. I was so short of breath, Sweating now under this darn coat, Wet from rain, wheezing, my back and knees are now hurting and frustrated to no end. This continued for 4 days of excursions and rain.
The trip too was very relaxing . However, whenever I would lay down my fat on my neck and the area above my boobs that is so fat, would fall onto my throat and I would feel like the skin was suffocating me. So needless to say, every time I laid down for a nap I had to use my CPAP so I wouldn't suffocate to death.
Oh and the chairs in the theaters and on the train ride to the White Pass in Skag way,Alaska, too small for a fat girl!!! But I managed.
The very large pretty nighty made me feel less then sexy. Forget the swim suit. The pool was open because it had a large dome over it and you could swim or use the hot tub. i got dressed up in a lovely black suit for the formal night. My husband said I looked really pretty, but once I saw a picture I went WHOOOOOOO. I will post some pictures from the trip. These will be great pre op pictures.
So I felt pretty shitty the whole cruise because of my weight. There was only one thing that is keeping me on top of the world and that is...... I am having my Duodenal Switch January 2010, god willing.
I thought alot about this surgery on the trip and what did it mean to me when I cruised next year. What changes I would be making, I would be eating all my protein first, will I feel deprived? Well, I shouldn't at a almost 10 months out next Oct. I should be down substantially in my weight. I can walk the stairs to my cabin. And so much more.
So this was just a brief description of some of the feeling I felt on my trip as a fat person. This is the biggest I have ever been. I now have 4 months until my surgery and I just cannot wait to begin my Journey.
Thanks for reading and I hope my thoughts will help someone want to also get the DS.