Hi Everyone, I decided to add a bit to this file. ya know i was thinking about last year, and how i ballooned up to 312 # :(  oh man how sad was that. i remember my husband saying NO he didnt want me to have surgery.well as if you already figured it out, he didnt win with his decesion. anyway i left for a couple of days, and in that short time, when i got home, i had 42 unread messages. do you have any idea how good that made me feel :)   i thought of you all the whole time i was gone. i appreciate all of your e-mails. its just amazing how we as humans can connect. and i think its great. i will go to the question board, and it is so cool, to see all of us ask for advise, or help. and someone is always there to pick us up. i see in my girls eyes as they watch me slowly melt away, and i wonder what they are thinking. are they proud of me?  oh im sure they are. i watch my husband look at me, and every now and then tell me, your looking so good, and im so proud of you. kinda makes me wonder what he was thinking before! i go to put something on, and what i did, before i had surgery, is i went into my closet and removed all the clothes, and slowly added only; x-large-large-medium. i would probably die if i ever were to wear a small!!  so when i put on anything it is something i could never wear before. and ya know, its such a good feeling. i will go to town, and see others faces filled with awe, so proud for me. a compliment of two. and it makes me feel so good. i wish my mom were still here to see all that i have acomplished in my life. but i know she is looking down on me :)   as well as my father, and sister :)  a long journey in this life so far, yes indeed. but i would do it all again. my prayers are with you all daily. we will acheive, succeed. were winners. and i root for each and every one of you. thank you for being a friend. well today is sat. the 12th of jan 08. my husband went for a walk with me, we went and got the mail, and went to the grocery store :)  he keeps telling me how proud of me he is. this is so weird, i for some reason was craving a smoke, and i knew i could just go smoke if  i wanted to. but i didnt, i just kept myself busy. i wonder how many that did smoke, still have a desire?  couple of wks. ago i was just soooooo angry, and i just wanted to kill someone - but my husband wasent around!! lol  so i got over it.  just kidding!
oh im such a goob :)   
so this is me;
I'm happy with my glasses,
      my dentures fit just fine,
I don't mind getting older-
But Lord, I miss my mind!!

well i will get back to this later......
HELLO AGAIN :) TODAY IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY. AND I HAVE E-MAILED MANY OF YOU, AND GOT SUCH NICE RESPONSES. HERE I AM GETTING READY TO HAVE LUNCH.
IM GOING TO HAVE;
CHICKEN NOODLE SOUP(about 1/3 c.)
SOME RITZ CRACKERS (2)
COTTAGE CHEESE (1 TBS.
and me crystal light...20 oz
YUMMMMMMMMMMMMMY!!
well lunch was great. and im full :)
funny how little you eat. i like it though cause what i dont eat, i can eat later.
was on my stationary bike this morning and ya know it is getting easier. 
i will walk tonight, i love to walk at night. its quiet, and no one is watching you!!
well i have a huge walk in closet and i decided to pack some old clothes and send to a friend of mine. she will be happy.
so here is where i am at;
PRE-OP 305

SURGERY DAY 312 #

guessiing i really packed it after quitting smoking.

POST-OP  312 #
SHIRTS WERE A 4X
PANTS WERE A 26-28
BRAS 50 DD
UNDIES 11
SHOE SIZE 10
omg-somebody shoot me........

as of 1-12-08
SHIRTS 1X-XL
PANTS  18
BRA 40 C
UNDIES 9
SHOES 10
well its slowly coming off!!
I begin my day with;
taking my meds in yogurt!
and i have 1/2 c. coffee 
one scrambled egg, (in microwave)
i like a tsp. of cottage cheese with them.
and my crystal light.

LUNCH;
i will do tuna salad with miracle whip lgt.
and a coulple of crackers.
and my cottage cheese.
crystal light.

DINNER;
 i like cottage cheese with fruit.
oh i will eat a couple slices of s/f peaches.
and i love tuna helper with broccoli.
most generally i eat 3 times a day
and try to only snack once. i like the 100
cal. goodies they have! well my surgeon said it was ok. and alphebet cookies are my favorite!
i like applesause-yogurt-puddings-soups-chicken breast white meat only.
tuna-popsicles-crackers
veggies-veggies-veggies!!
once in awhile i like a poached egg.
but as a whole i really dont eat a big amount. and i get very full.
i try to drink one-two 20 oz. bottles of water without crystal light. but that is all i can handle.
MY CURRENT WEIGHT IS 260 #
i feel great. so i must be doing something right. well i will close for now, but not for long...

some of you have asked for this;

godsgurl48@hotmail.com

so if you would like to talk there, its ok.
godsgurl48@myspace.com url/jplss

HELLO AGAIN :) TODAY IS 1-15-08
I SEEM TO BE DOING ALOT OF THINKING TODAY.
AS I WAS GETTING DRESSED THIS MORNING, IM ASKING MYSELF AS I LOOK IN THE MIRROR.. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU? I HATED MYSELF FOR A FEW MINS. I FELT I LOOK AWFUL
 IM REALLY NOT IMPRESSED WTIH THE PERSON I SEE BEFORE ME. AND YEA I KNOW THAT PITY IS THE POISON OF OUR SOUL. I COULDNT HELP BUT TO ASK MYSELF WHY....
I WONDER HOW MANY OFUS COULD ADMIT TO DEEP DEEP SECRETS THAT WE HAVE CARRIED ALL THESE YEARS WITH US, AND KNOW THAT WE ARE THE ONLY ONES WHO REALLY PUT US WHERE WE ARE :(  I HAVE  MADE ALOT OF BAD CHOICES IN MY LIFE TOO, I GUESS I SHOULDNT BE SO HARD ON MYSELF.  SOMETIMES I CAN THINK OF HEAVEN, AND KNOW AT LEAST THERE ITS OK HOW YOU LOOK.  WHY ARE WE SILLY PEOPLE CALLED HUMANS SO HARD ON EACHOTHER?  I JUST WANT TO BE HEALTHY. HELL I WILL NEVER BE SEXY.. OH I GUESS I AM THINKING TOO MUCH TODAY. ANGRY AT MYSELF, AND, ANGRY AT THOSE WHO IV'E ALLOWED TO MAKE ME ANGRY.... ANYWAY I DO HOPE YOU ALL ARE IN GOOD HEALTH, AND HAPPY :)  SO MANY OF YOU KEEP IN  TOUCH ON A DAILY BASIS, AND I LOVE IT.  I KNOW WE KEEP EACHOTHER STRONG. 
WELL CLOSING FOR NOW...

well im so excited my daughter called me and asked me if i would come and stay a week with her, and babysit my grandaughter!!  hell ya :)  so i will be gone 21-28th. she is in kindergarden, and my daughter is a cna-cma and travels for nursing. it wont be so bad, my husband may not like too much, but a moms gotta do, what a moms gotta do :)  i will miss not talking with you all :(  and unfortunatly my daughter dosent have a comp.  but you all will be in my thoughts!!  yippie
well today was just a depressing day for me:(  i just got out of the "memorials"  and wow that is a wake up call. i cried, people just like you and me, that have struggled all their lives with their weight, and when they got up enough courage to have their surgery, the lord decides he needs them. i became numb. made me think, when it is time for me to leave this earth, my profile here will be left behind. and i thought of everyone i know,  who might come back to read. sad.. we all are winners. and i do beleive that we all have gone into our surgery scared. and proud. and hopeful. and im not scared of death, and iv'e never been afraid in this life, but what scares me, is will i be ready??  


MY POEM; DEDICATED TO;
SURGEON; IHOR FEDORAK    11-06-07

YOUR STANDING AT THE FORK IN THE ROAD,
QUESTIONS FILL WITHIN YOUR WEARY HEART,
WHY HAVE ALL MY DREAMS TURNED TO ASHES,
MUST I ALWAYS PLAY THE LOSING PART.
AND THAT IS WHEN I DECIDED-
TO MAKE THIS MOMENT A TIME TO REMEMBER,
LET IT BE THE DAY, MY NEW LIFE BEGINS,
YESTERDAYS GONE,
AND THERE MAY NOT BE TOMORROW,
SO THIS IS THE DAY, I WILL FIND PEACE WITHIN.

HOW DO YOU TRUST A MAN, YOU'VE JUST MET
WHO MAKES YOU FEEL, THERE ARE NO REGRETS
I KNOW HIM NOT, BUT YET I DO,
I INSTILLED MY FAITH, AND TRUST IN YOU.
I KNOW GODS THE PHYSICIAN,
BUT ON THAT DAY,WAS REALLY IN NO POSITION
   TO ARGUE.
YOUR EYES HAVE A PEACE, THAT STICKS TO 
   THE SOUL.
YOUR MIND SAYS TO ME-YOUR IN TOTAL CONTROL.
YOUR BEDSIDE MANNERS, YOU LEAVE NOTHING
    TO ARGUE.
YOU TALK, YOU LISTEN, YOU TELL IT LIKE IT IS.
I GUESS THAT IS WHY I LIKE YOU.
IF ALL COULD ONLY SEE YOUR HEART,YOUR CARES, YOUR WORRIES, YOUR SUCCESS.
  MY WHAT A DIFFERENCE IT MAKES.
SOMEHOW A THANK YOU IS JUST NOT ENOUGH,
AND I KNOW NO -ONE SOLD ME, ON YOU, HAVING
   JUST THE RIGHT STUFF.
I BELIEVE IN FATE,
I KNOW GOD OPENED THE GATE,
AND LED ME, INTO YOUR LIFE.
MAY HIS WISDOM, ALWAYS BE IN YOUR HEART
    AND MIND.
MAY HIS PEACE ALWAYS BE INSTILLED UPON YOU,
MAY HIS LOVE EMBRACE YOU AND YOURS,
MAY YOU NEVER LOSE SIGHT OF HIS LOVE.
    OR HIS NAME.
MAY ANGELS ALWAYS CARRY YOU,
MAY YOUR STRENGTH BE IN YOU; FOREVER.
MAY YOU KNOW, AND ALWAYS KNOW,
    THAT HIS CHOSEN ARE WITH YOU.
     ALWAYS AROUND YOU.
     STAY WITH HIM.
AND NEVER LOSE ALL THAT HE HAS GIVEN YOU,
SO WHEN YOU GIVE TO OTHERS,
     THEY KNOW.
THEY WILL SEE THE WINDOW OF YOUR SOUL,
     YOUR A GREAT MAN.
A FANTASTIC SURGEON,
AND FOR ALL OF THESE THINGS- I JUST WANTED
      TO SAY;
                    THANK YOU.
                                  To; Dr. Fedorak
                                            heartfelt
                     forever in my heart....kim crain
bariatric surgery 11-26-07
Penrose Hospital - Colo. Springs, Co.


" i sing because i'm happy,
and i sing, because i'm free...
his eyes are on the sparrow,
and his eyes, are watching me "

holy cow everyone  down 52 lbs!!!  i just cant believe it!! funny how time flys by. congrats to all my friends, and their fantasic job so far aswell. i have you all in my thioughts, all the time..