ObesityHelp

2012 has been a year filled with ups and downs. It started with me being a drug and alcohol addict, severely depressed and in mental hospital. I then went to rehab for 30 days and am proud to say I have been clean and sober almost 10 months now.  Unfortunately, I developed severe ulcers that landed me in hospital when they started bleeding.  I've been in and out of hospital several times this year. I could no longer keep food or liquids down due to the opening between stomach and intestines being reduced to the size of pinhole. They tried dilation but ulcer is right there and may rupture if they try.  I got down to 100 lbs again after being back up to 130. Due to severe malnutrition, doctor put in a feeding tube. Ulcers are healing with meds and I am able to eat better now. I weighed 112 this morning!! Never thought I'd be excited to gain weight!! On the other hand, the fat mentality is still there and even though I know I have to gain weight, I freak out for a second when the scale goes up. It's like "oh no, here I go again. I'm going to be 300 lbs again". Even though it's been almost 5 years I know I can still gain it back but right now I have to gain weight. I'm nothing but skin and bone literally. I can't just be normal. I have to be one extreme or the other!!  I see doctor next week and hoping since Im eating better he may consider taking feeding tube out.

 

I just thought i'd post a few thoughts of what it's been like. I was doing very well for a while. I got down to 145lbs and was maintaining. I wanted to lose maybe 10 more pounds but was happy where i was. Unfortunately, in Feb 2010 I had a seizure (not related to wls) fell and broke my jaw. More like shattered it. I was wired shut for a month and had to go back on liquid diet, at least i was used to it lol. But because of that my stomach shrank even more. After that i had an external fixator on for 3 months, developed severe inffection and was hospitalized for 6 days and on iv antibiotics for 6 weeks. I was still unable to eat. Everything I tried to eat came up. I went all the way down to 100lbs, had it not been for the excess skin I'm sure it would have been well under 100. I've had a total of 5 surgeries on my jaw but I am able to eat better now. I'm back up to 115lbs. I know i need to gain about another 10 but my mind is still confused. When I see that scale going up I freak out. It is weird being in a size 2. I found it is just as hard to shop for a tiny body as it is a large body people just don't look at you funny. I do enjoy the shocked looked on peoples faces when I say I used to be 300lbs. Sorry I don't have an updated pic but I'm on laptop and don't have any loaded on here.