Got married to the man of my dreams at the end of August. Not a lot of time to update right now. I'm the happiest I have been in my life except with respect to my weight. I am 207 lbs -- up 57 lbs from my lowest. I never dreamed that I would be one of the ones who "failed". I'm mortified and ashamed and very down on myself. I can't believe I let this happen.

Anyway, wanted to be accountable. I'm going to go back and read what I did in year 1 when I lost 120 lbs and see if I can do that again.

I've lost faith in my abilities ... still teaching exercise classes 3-4 times a week but at this size? Feeling like a sham and not comfortable up on stage at all at all.

Well at the end of February, I caved in and went back and had some fill out again. Clearly this is the proper level for me, where I am now - more than this and I suffer too much from reflux.

I decided that I needed some help and have joined Weight Watchers. At least until I get rolling on my own again. The price is a deterrent - cost me $46 to join and for the first meeting. $18 / meeting thereafter and it's a FREAKING 1/2 hour meeting. I guess my head is saying that if I have to pay that kind of money to be accountable, I'd better damn well be losing.

So I thought I would "test" their theory in week one and eat all my daily points (29 / day), all my weekly points(49 total) and every single exercise point that I earned. I did just that and still managed to lose 4.4 lbs so I was thrilled. As of last night, I was 188.8. I would love to be back to 170 lbs for my wedding which is August 26th. Actually I would love to be there in time for my dress fitting which I will schedule near the middle of June.

I also decided to do it now as opposed to when I get back from my trip to Cuba, which is April 19th - 26th. I decided that if I didn't turn it around, I could soon be seeing the other side of 200 lbs. That's a place that I do not want to go. I'm mortified enough that I was up almost 44 lbs from my lowest. I know in my heart that 170 is do-able for me and where I want to head for now.

That is still well above what a "healthy range" is but I will never be a small lady. Nor do I really want to be. I admit that I love food and I am without any doubt at all, a food addict. That's not going to change ... and that's ok. Right now, I want to focus on this week alone -- again doing what I did in week one and see if I can carve another couple of lbs off  before Cuba. If I could stay the same when I get back from Cuba that would be a great scenario!

I'm going for it :)

Well, I decided that I needed some help again and got my ass back to the doc's office on Thursday. When I was there in May, I had a full CC taken out and another 0.5 just about 2 months early, taking me back down to 5 CC. The weight in May was 180 lbs and this time around I was about 188. Although I am higher than I want to be, this wasn't as bad as I had thought. I would like to get back to 170 lbs and that's my goal for my birthday.

Dr B's wife - also a lapband doctor now - gave me .5CC. She said she didn't want to do more than that as I had some history with reflux. She told me to try this out for 6 - 8 weeks and see how I am feeling and come back again if I need a change.

As with times before, I felt like I didn't "deserve" a fill as I hadn't been putting in the effort myself. But I am a food addict and I NEED the help. There is nothing wrong with that. I am glad I went. I have to be honest and say I have lost a lot of faith in myself and my ability to get back down to where I was but I won't give up.

Stopped in to talk to Rinette (the dietician) and she reminded me to get back to basics. Measure and weigh the food. Eat three small meals and three snacks daily (which is not something I've ever done to be honest). To be sure I don't eat and drink at the same time - I'm pretty good about that skill. She suggested 1200 calories, which I think for me is too low but I'll commit to at least writing down everything I eat and see how I make out. I know I am stubborn not to just stick with the recommended calories but I frigging love food! Also, since I teach 5 days / week at the gym, I do believe my caloric intake can be closer to 1600 and I can still lose. That's been my experience in the past and if that works for me, then WOOHOO!

Did my day and a half of liquids and today I'm ready to graduate to mushies again. Wish me luck!

I haven't been around much as of late but wanted to pop in and let folks who know me know I am still alive :) I had my 3rd Bandiversary this weekend. I'm higher than I want to be and ready to recommit and get back on track.

When I started this journey, I was 250 lbs. Within the first year (if memory serves) I lost exactly 100 lbs by my one year date. Over the next year or so, I gained 20 lbs back which wasn't great but easier for me to "live life" with. I stayed at 170 for a year.

This February, I met the man of my dreams and since that time, life really "got in the way" and I'm up to 185 lbs as of this weekend. I know it's time now to realize that he is here to stay and I can refocus on my weight loss :) We are head over heels in love and I've never been this happy in my life. I have met my soul mate. Now it's time to get my body / weight back into a zone where I feel healthier and happier as well.

Today I am recommitting. I'm going to track my calories and stay around 1600. This is what has always worked for me. I do have difficulty with meat and eggs so protein tends to be a struggle for me but I am sure there are options for me. No more excuses.

I had 1CC taken out earlier this spring as I could not each much of anything and although I have gained, I like this level where I am at now. I believe I can make this work again.

I am on vacation for a month and ready to come up with a plan that will work for me again --I know what to do. I just have to do it. So for the next month, I'm really going to refocus and hope to lose at least a lb a week here on in. 20 lbs by the end of October is my first big goal. My first mini-goals are (1) just to be more conscious and stay within 1600 calories daily and (2) do an 8K race in 2 weeks. I'm going to shoot for jog 10 / walk 1 and do the best I can.

I can't believe it has been so long since I updated my blog. I guess I didn't have much new to report. 

Last night,  I accomplished another major goal. This fall, my friend Chris and I did the 10K in our local Marathon by the Sea. We walked / jogged it and completed the route in about 1 hour and 22 minutes. It was then that I decided to attempt to do a 5K, jogging it instead of walking and jogging. I found a "Couch-to-5K" online training program and started out. I can remember the first week thinking what did I get myself into! I can specifically remember the first time I jogged 8 minutes straight. Me??? Jogging? Who would have thought?

Well, last night, I did 37:30 seconds continuous. Throughout my training, the longest I had ever done was 33 minutes but last night I completed it all. I didn't even whine about it :) I didn't even feel like throwing in the towel part way through. About 4km in, I will admit, it was getting harder but my friend Chris was leading the way and my friend Rob was there encouraging me  "Short strides, breathe from the belly" and onward I went!

My friends Ann, Dianna and Amy who are "true" runners finished their race and then came back to meet me for the final sprint to the end. That meant so much to me. There was no way I wasn't going to finish this one strong! Rob gave me the lowdown - 4 minutes to meet your goal, 2 minutes to meet your goal! I wanted to finish in less than 38:29 and I did it. 37:30 was the time :) I just wanted to cry as I crossed that finish line!

What a way to end the year! I shared it with my OH friends, with my Facebook friends and with the long time friends on my own weight-loss website, Friends Supporting Friends. The support I have received from everyone just makes this all the more joyous.

Weight-wise? I'm about 25 lbs above where I want to be. I'm 172 at home today and was 175.8 at the gym earlier this week. My goal this year is to get back to 150 lbs where I was in the summer of 2008. But you know something? This time last year I was around the same weight. So being able to maintain this weight loss - 100 lbs gone - is something I need to be VERY proud of. Never in my LIFE have I been able to keep off the weight and now I am.

Restriction-wise, I'm good. I went to see the doc at the beginning of December and I have great restriction. I'm at 6.5CC now and I'll stay here 'til I get to goal. It is a bit tighter than I like to be but I will keep an eye on things and as long as I'm not PBing / sliming, then I'll stay where I am at. I need some "control" in my eating life again, and I feel like this is definitely going to give it to me.

My goals for this year?

- get back to 150
- continue with my 2000 minutes of exercise each and every month
- 1600 calories or less daily
- work towards my next goal of jogging a 1/2 marathon this fall
- work with a personal trainer (starting Monday) to fit all my fitness goals into my 2000 minutes most effectively.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!