I am rarely on this website these days- caught up in other routines and duties.  I am definitely in hte mainteence phase---and teetering on the prevention phase---that is developing small intervetnions to prevent weight gain.  I am Ok if under 160 pounds but do not want to go over that---i'd have to buy bigger clothes!?!   The wavy hair i had growing in about a year after WLS is straightening out more these days---back tot he way it had always been.  My career is going well.  i really enjoy my new clinical focus and the salary is much more rewarding too.  i find the job exciting and intriguing---given my clients change so frequently.  I did the "success story" presentation at the hosptials bariatric class back in late May 2008.  I tried to be balanced with the positive and not so positive experiences after WLS.  I have not been to a bariatirc support group at GBMC or elsewhere in many many months.  was thinking to venture to St. Agnes if i decide to ever go to any again.  My PCP manages my aftercare which is no regular needs anyway.  Just periodic labs.  i was thinking to switch to B12 injections even though my labs are Ok with B12.  I tried the nasal gel spray rx B12 and don't like it.  My boodwork recently showed very low vitimen D (which I have had for years even before WLS) and borderline anemic---just below normal but at no real level of concern for extra supplementation.   My hubby is gnerally supportive although he seems to struggle xometimes with my grazing behavior.  He gets frustrated as I say regualr---"I want something to eat" even if its just a small bite or hard pretzel.  He weighs just over 300 pounds but has not seriously considered WLS.  Primary reason is he doesn't want to jump thru hoops to get insurance coverage.  But he also states he is not sure if he can handle the adjustments after WLS- emotional and dietary.  I am not sure what i can really do to motivate him more towards weight loss.  He would like to do the low carb plan again when he lost 90 pounds in the past----but then we both were doing it- this time he would hae to do that plan without me given i do hae to eat some carbs.  I was hopeing to get an exercise partner from him but he tires much more quickly than me plus he gets 'leg cramps" just from casual walking.  I'll keep trying to steer him.  We went on a mini vacation to Cedar Point Ohio in June.  Greg's sister and I got on all the roller coasters.  no problems fitting in them for me!   Greg is paralyzed by his fear of heights so he rarely if ever gets on them even if he can fit in the seat.  I'm afraid of heights but so what?!  It doesn't stop me from having fun. 

Coping with mom's death is getting better for me.  I can talk about her and her death with others and not get choked up about it.  i enjoy the reminescing about old times with family and those that knew her.   When I have dreams that include her,  its my mom from her healthier younger days and the dreams are generally pleasant.  My dad seems to be coping alright---he jokes at times about encounters he has with women now---when they approach him or flirt.  He has mentioned a few bold ladies asking him if he was interested in a relationship.  My sense is he would like greater companionship and dinner partners but is not going down the sexual road---he has been frank about this in conversations with me but not sure he would be so blantant with the ladies---ever since major cardiac disease set in nearly 30 years ago for him--he has abstained from the stuff.   I  told him to go for it---female companionship that is---just tell them its dinner or an outing but nothing else- set the boundary early before they get the wrong impression.  I am not sure my siblings would be as neutral and accepting of him having a girlfriend however.  He'll be 80 years old next month----he thinks he's been on borrowed time for a few decades now ;-)  Looking forward to a Maryland crab outing this weekend with family.  It's a pricy venture but we decide what the hey - its once a year if that.  Going elsewhere to eat them so none of us have the mess at home to clean up.  I am hoping to be able to eat 6 large size crabs without getting too full.  I love to eat out---as long as I can get a take out box.  I hgave been to Cactus Willie buffet and a few others but tend to eat too much and I usually have to vomit some up shortly afterwards.  I do long for the option of sugary foods---just tojave some ice cream and not suffer horribly afterwards with cramps and dumping----that would be nice---but I should be grateful i still have an intolerance to sugarly foods.  Gott go...hope to post again before 2009!?!

Just posted some pics from our vacation in Tahoe in June 2007- better late than never! :-)  Also put a more recent one from Dec 2007- it was a scanned pic so quality not as good.  

I got a notice in the mail  DVR is leaving GBMC and going to St. Agnes.  I am glad to be in the maintenance phase as it wold be distressing for me to be a new post op or almost getting surgery to find out this news.   If I  need a revision in the future- hope never to need one though- I'd go to DVR.  

I am in the planning phases of forming a regular presentation for the Bariatric program at FSHC focusing on "my story/my successes" and the psychosocial aspects of weight loss surgery.   Its interesting hearing about the planning of their new program which currently has a 6 month educational process (weekly meetings) including a number of hypnotherapy or hypnosis sessions.  While 6 months sounds like a long time to wait once one decides to have the surgery---it really sounds quite comprehensive- and being 2 years post op--- any extra surgery on the head/mind- via classes/hypnosis is a welcomed event in my opinion.  Two years out- food cravings and head hunger are my main challenges.  I give into them typically- except when it comes to sugary foods which I still dump on.  I have not gained any weight and tend to fluctuate between  140-150 pounds.  Still can't tolerate carbonated sodas but I am forcing them down little by little hoping to gain some tolerance of them.  

I had my first buffet experience since the surgery about 2 weeks ago- at the Old Country Buffet for breakfast.  Greg and I were there about 2 or 2 1/2 hours- chatting between plates of food.  I had a small cheese and mushroom omlet- about 4 pieces of bacon, 3 fried chicken wings, one leg and one thigh, some honeydew melon and fresh pineapple and some hot tea in between plates.  The chicken pieces there are quite small.  I went back with my dad for dinner about a week later and did fine too with an extended dinner time.  We actually had coupons for buy one get one free- so i felt we got our money's worth.  Part of my refusal to go to a buffet is the fact i feel I will not get my money's worth like I did as a pre op.   We do eat out regularly but typically go somewhere I can get a doggie bag.  We went to Ruth Chris a few months back and I got the filet mignon- brought half of it home and reheated it in the convection oven- still delish and buttery tender !?!
I  did dine at Friendly Farms about 2 months ago---ordered the fried chicken kids meal- gave Greg the chicken and he gave me one of his crabcakes (or I should say half a crab cake).  
Yes- I am quite focused on food- it still is an addiction for me I guess although that is a strong word.  I suppose I still have the self soothing seeking of food- but it really is not soothing for me to eat most of the time due to IBS and GI distress.  I still feel uncomfortably full at times so I really do not get that pleasure from eating anymore although I still seek it (the pleasure effect that is).   
Its interesting being employed at a new setting where coworkers did not know me as a MO person.  I do not hide the fact- I have shown a few "before" pics.  One part that folks don't quite understand is the loud volume of my upper digestive tract.  They often say- boy you must be hungry- when in fact is usally after I have just eaten something.  I seem to be explaining it less and less to folks unless they are genuinely interested or a pre-op themselves.  

I am noticing a pattern with having the "jitters" or very mild trembling of my hands.  Someone told me it may be hypoglycemia symptom- so I did a fingerstick a few times when having the symptoms and as suspected my sugar level was around 50 (when low is anything below 70).  These episodes are typically about 2 hours after eating foods- not a fasting reaction.  I have noticed these symptoms very rarely- maybe once every few weeks. I  just eat something with carbs- even sugar- and it goes away.  

Perimenopause and/or menopause itself is introducing itself to my life in the last few months.  Hot flashes, cold sweats, irritability, irregular or non existent cycle, low or no libido, mild mental confusion, mood swings.  Not sure if I should go on HRT or just try to treat the most annoying symptoms.  I am trying  some antidepressant meds to see how it affects the mood issues- but not sure it will be a long term solution.  Trying some herbal and soy products too.    Its stange thinking I have been on BC pills for at least a decade- they stopped working and I stopped taking them.  Now I may need the hormones again given the new symptoms.  The mood and libido issues are the most challenging for me but there is no guarantee that HRT will make those symptoms dissapear or get any better. 

I need to exercise regularly- that I KNOW---but I have not done.  I have no excuse - it boils down to laziness and procrastination.  

On a positive note- if I had to do this all over again---my weight loss journey with bariatric surgery- I would do it all over again---despite the first 6 months being quite miserable.   At this point the benefits outweigh the costs tenfold at least!   I was blessed to have insurance that paid for the surgery too.  I have yet to find an insurance plan which pays for the plastic surgery- not looking into very much really- but if  I come upon a spare $30,000 - I will explore  PS more seriously. 

I had been thinking of starting fresh professionally for at least the past six months.  Well, I embraced the opportunity and  took the plunge into job searching about a month ago.  I start a new job next week.  This is an exciting time for me. Its a different direction for me professionally- I have almost exclusively had a generalist  position in health care- now  I am venturing into acute inpatient psychiatric work which has more of a clinical focus.  The salary differential is pretty significant too given the clinical component.   It will be the first time I have started fresh professionally after losing more than 150 pounds.  I am no longer stereotyped as a morbidly obese person by prospective employers.  I did avoid applying for a position that was similiar to my work history.  I also thought it may be best to avoid if possible contacting previous amicable employers and supervisors who knew me as MO.  The job interviewing process was very different for me - weighing around 135-140 pounds and able to fit well into business suits or the tradtitional interview uniform.  My confidence, comfort with myself and assertiveness are markedly greater.  

In general, I am embracing changes in my life and seem to be seeking change more assertively.  I am not always willing to settle with the status quo these days.  I can compromise with in my relationships however.  I can't expect everyone- including me- to be perfect.  Some things needed to change in my life and I was too afraid in the past to take the risks.   Personality changes are definitely a side effect of extreme weight loss.  I believe I have changed for the better- but I am still in transition- getting used to the new me and who she is evolving to be.   Of course those close to be have to become  accustomed to the new me too- its a process of discovery and eventual acceptance.   My moral and ethical foundation however has not changed thankfully.    Via Con Dios

I have rarely frequent this website for the past few months.  Been busy with work, personal life, and my own medical issues.  I am finally getting a more comprehensivce work up and treatment for what has been called IBS-D for over  6 years now.  It may indeed be a bile acid malabsorption issue that I have had since gallbladder removed over 6 years ago.  WLS did not cause my IBS.  I can hardly imagine life without IBS- but i am hopefulfor allievation and dare I say irradication of my symptoms!?!  Yes indeed!

Since vacation and air travel is coming in June 2007- I don't want any problems with ID verification.  So I got my driver's license updated this past week with new pic and new weight (and height).  Down to 137 pounds at 5'3".  I guess I never really was 5'5" anyway but almost thought I had lost a few inches in height since WLS.  Nah!  My bone density test was completely normal which ended many of my apprehensions about bone loss.

I still think of my mom everyday and quietly grieve and long for what used to be.  It a sort of selfish way to grieve in my opinion so I try to redirect myself when headed in that direction.  It's my childhood memories I long for mostly and when my mom and i were bosom buddies and day trip travel companions in early adulthood.  I do not wish for the return of her long periods of illness and disability of course.  Mom is in a much better place now  I am sure than where she was just before her death.  I talk about her candidly with family whenever it strikes me and it seems to be OK with my dad and siblings to do so.  Sort of like the "remember when..." statements and memories.  I haven't hit the rock bottom with my grieving---but mother's day and her birthday are coming in May so I know those will be challenging times when understanding, empathy,  love and unconditional support will be much needed.  Plus those same needs will be had by others and I will strive to be as supportive and compassionate as possible with others- after all, like gets like- its Karma- you get what you give- so be generous and you will be wealthy in return :-)

1/14/07   My mother died on 1/6/07 unexpectedly.  She died in her sleep from what we can tell.  I am numb I suppose.  I have cried some but anticipated being a "basketcase" when one of my parents died.  Perhaps I will have my "basketcase" phase eventually.  The family has been busy going thru mom's things.  My father seems to want her things gone from the home- perhaps if gone he thinks the pain and grief will hurt less.  But I know that will not help- the pain is still there regardless.  He may be moving in with my brother within the next month it seems so I guess sorting thru mom's stuff now is needed given the sorting and moving of his personal items may be coming soon too.  He has bladder cancer- not an advanced stage- and found out a few days ago the last prcedure he had was unable to remove all the cancer cells.  Now his optins are full body chemotherapy trial or surgery to remove the bladder.  He was facing his mortality with this fairly new diagnosis- and was anticipating his demise.  He had even showed my mom where his important papers and accounts are held in recent weeks- having no idea she would die before him.  Not totally sure yet the precise cause of death for my mom.  Some delay with death certificate as the physician wrote unknown as cause of death- and that is not acceptable per gov't standards.  My impression is it was respiratory failure related to acute bronchitis/pneumonia coupled with chronic sleep apnea.  She was super morbidly obese and diabetic too.  On 18 medications.  She was a sick lady in the chronic sense.  She was also physically disabled and essentially home bound.  My father even supects she had a small stroke recently as she was unable to move her "good leg" to get into the car a few days before she died.  We are finished with the ritual/ceremonial things- viewings, services etc.    I have taken a few of my mother's things- either things that I can use (being practical) or things with some sentimental value.  My sister has plans to take many possessions back to her home in Virginia.  I am not sure why she is accumulating so much to take when a lot of it has no major sentimental value in my opinion and can be donated to charity/Good Will. Many of the possessions I bet my mother would have rid herself of if she had planned to do some of that "spring cleaning" over the last few years.  I guess everyone has that closet full of unneeded stuff they keep putting off going thru and ridding themselves of.   I suspect  taking all this stuff is my sister's way of dealing with grief currently.  She seemed uncomfortable with the fact my father wanted to "rid the house of mom" so soon- she will probably store the items in her home somewhere indefinitely.  I haven't had much dialogue with my brother.  Men do grieve differently and he may not be one wanting to talk about things much- his wife states he isn't talking much to her either.  We seem to be going thru his wife for much communication to him which is fine as long as the communications are kept clear and accurate.  It's been challenging trying to communicate one's personal needs in the grief process - needing to help with final arrangements or whatever- when some in the family want to say they are handling everything.  I think they have learned a little to step outside themselves and see that other family members have needs too.  Some still want to dictate what happens with what or who does what without even having a dialogue with the people involved.  That is an unhealthy  way to communicate and it will almost always lead to problems and arguments.   Some of this behavior however was present even before mom died- so i shouldn't be surprised it continues.  I recall maybe a year ago some family decided a caregiving plan for my mother's needs which included a daily visit for me to her home around 9-10am to put on her Ted stockings....Hello??!!  I work full time without that sort of flexibility of my working hours- plus I work about 25 miles from her home.  I suspect that "plan" was determined by these family members to show others how I was not dong my part- not helping out - since i could not do this particular task at that time each day.  I really cannot comprehend why anyone would take it upon themselves to come up with a specific plan on what others will be doing- without even talking to those other people.  And I do recall my mother asking me once or twice why i wouldn't help out with this or that and she seemed disappointed.  A number of these issues were ones I was never informed or asked about and when I told her that she seemed to understand but was surprised that the other family members would do such a thing.  Hopefully family members will find more healthy and mature ways of communicating in the future although these behaviors have been going on for some time so I shouldn't expect a quick change or even realization for the need to change.  
I am grateful I have gotten lots of support in my grief.  A few seemingly well meaning people have not be so supportive in their comments.  These people though are primarily members of this website who I do not know- so I take the comments with a grain of salt anyway.  Its unfortunate how some are so generous in offering their advice when its an unhealthy and sometimes pathological response.  I suppose due to my professional background, I see the pathology in people's comments and perceptions more easily than the average person.  Of course if their advice works for them- so be it.