Not weight loss related!!

May 15, 2011

 So this blog entry is completely off subject....not weight loss related but I am sitting at work going crazy so I had to get some thoughts off my chest....and I know that this is THE best place to get advice.

I feel that I am somewhat codependent.  I have a BF who I have been with 2 years and 5 months.  The relationship sucks to say the least.  He does what he wants when he wants and doesn't think twice about it.  He doesn't consider how I feel, what I want, what I think, none of the above.  He stays out till 2-3AM, runs the streets, doesn't like to be questioned.  Even the simple questions like "what are you doing" or "where are you going".  I get answers like "down the street", "up the road", or "to my boys house".  Maybe its just me but those don't seem like real answers to me.  They don't give me any more information than I had before I asked the questions...which makes it pointless.  Yet if I give answers like that it is a problem and I have an attitude.  So we argue all the time about his "ways" and his lack of actually trying to make the relationship work.  So last night after his ex girlfriend texts me to tell me that she will ALWAYS be in his life (even though they are not and never were married and have no kids together), he came to me and told me that sometimes he doesn't know if he can put up with my bullshyt!  Excuse me??  I laughed because I honestly could not believe that he just said that.  He doesn't know if he can put up with my BS??  So the ex tells me that she will stop contacting him when he tells her to.  So I told him he needs to tell her to stop contacting him.  He tells me "he is just going to ignore it" so basically he doesn't want to tell her to leave him alone which tells me that he still wants to be in contact with her.
I just can't seem to shake this issue and it is consuming my life.  Yes I nag, I speak my mind with him, but that is because I am tired of sitting at home alone.  I am tired of cleaning up after him every day and night.  I work all day while he sits at home or runs with his friends.  Why can't he stay home when I get off work and spend time with me?  Why can't we sit in the same room and talk and watch TV together?  Why am I in the living room and he is in the bedroom?  Why does he have a lock on his phone?  Why does he always lay it upside down so if it rings no one can see who is calling?  Why can't he tell his ex to go fly a kite?  And why am I still sitting here putting up with this drama?  I try to hard to just keep my mouth shut and not argue, not speak my mind, not say anything.  But that literally drives me crazy.  I feel like he made the decision when he decided to not get rid of her.  If all it takes is a text saying "don't call me anymore" why not do that?  I would do it if the shoe was on the other foot.  And how after everything can he tell me he doesn't know if he can deal with me!!??
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  I am literally screaming on the inside right now.  Completely out of control and confused.

39 Comments

About Me
FL
Location
29.0
BMI
RNY
Surgery
11/29/2010
Surgery Date
Oct 01, 2010
Member Since

Friends 247

Latest Blog 113

×