Why do I do this to myself?

Jul 27, 2011

 Why is it that every single day I pack a healthy lunch and then eat till I am completely MISERABLE??!!??!!  For me the only "full" sign that I get is pain and a feeling that I am going to be extremely sick.  I then get the bloating and all the pain and misery that goes along with it.  This doesn't happen just once a week, this is just about everyday.  I portion out my food and on some days my pouch will hold more that other days and it also depends on the amount of food, but it still seems like every single day I take a bite or two MORE then I should which leaves me feeling extremely full, it is hard to breath, I am lethargic, stuffed.  This is probably some of the same issues that I had pre-op, knowing when enough is enough.  The issue now is I am so scared that I am going to stretch my pouch or "break" the tool that I have been given.  It is really a crazy feeling to think that you are sabotaging yourself.  Which is clearly the last thing that I want to do but seems to be the first thing I am doing to myself.

And the bloating....where does that come from?  And what is that doing to my pouch?  It is such a crazy feeling, I come to work flat stomach, around 2:30pm every day I look 6 months pregnant...it makes no sense.  Sometimes it is so bad that I end up going home early.  The other day I felt like I couldn't breath and I had pains in my back.  I went home took a double dose of chewable gas-x and was fine in about 40 mins.  I am not eating bread, rice, or pasta...or potato's.  I stick with proteins like today I had boiled chicken with a little BBQ sauce.  Or I will have shrimp cocktail, or a salad with some type of protein.  Frustrating.

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