kwinkleman

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AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!!!  Thats really one word that describes it!  I had so much fun.  I danced, laughed, smiled A LOT, sweat, and the hour went by so quick.  I can't wait to go again.
As for the 5 Day Pouch Test...I hate to say this but it didn't work out for me.  I think that the sodium in the soup in day one was just too much for me.  I was so bloated and completely miserable.  So I am focused on high protein, low carb, small portions....and the scale is still moving so it must be working.  I am measuring things out now.  Only packing one portion that way I don't have it to go  back and take a few more bites.  I am drinking at least 3 sometimes more bottles of water a day.  My diet since late Monday has consisted of tuna, cheese, eggs, and the occasional sandwich thin (1/2).  I was eating an entire egg and 1/2 a sandwich thin for breakfast but these last few days I am full with just half.  For lunch I have been mixing a can of tuna with a little onion and some mayo (miracle whip).  I take 1/2 of the mixture to work for lunch and save the other 1/2 for dinner.  Today I did the same thing except with salmon instead of tuna, the can was much smaller so I brought the entire thing for lunch but it only measured out to be 1/2 a cup.  I have also decided to let go of the red meat.  I wish I could let go of the chicken too but I really really really love chicken.  Id like to eventually stick to fish/seafood and veggies, but I guess that is a work in progress.
I think that everything we do as post-op's is a experiement.  From trying different foods, to exercise, to the different diets that we decide to try.  Somethings work for one but won't for another.  I think that the 5 Day Pouch Test is great, and I may try it again.  But for now I am going to try and stick with the high protein low carb diet and watch my portion size.  Hopefully it will be something that just becomes habit!   

 Today is Day One of my 5 Day Pouch Test.  I want to preface this by saying a few words- I do NOT think that my pouch is broke, stretched, needs repair, or is damaged.  I am doing this more to retrain my brain more than my pouch.  I am a constant overeater.  I literally over eat at least once a day to the point of being in pain and or being physically sick.  I believe that my surgery was done accurately and I know that my tool is amazing.  I just have to get my brain back to understanding when I am full and not pushing the envelope to the point that I am miserable.  I also would like to say that for me doing these 5 days is NOT about losing weight.  Of course it would be a nice added bonus, but I honestly want a lifestyle change.  I want to get back in touch with my body and knowing when enough is enough.  I want to be able to go to lunch and know that after 6 bites that I am done.  I want to SLOW DOWN and really be aware of how I feel and when to stop eating.  I also want to up my water intake which is HUGE with this plan, especially these first 2 days when all you are getting is liquids.  Adding the water is going to help keep me full and hopefully somewhat satisified.
With that being said today is Day One of my Pouch Test.  Day one and two are liquid only days....LOL I laugh because I HATED the 2 weeks that I had to do an all liquid diet before surgery but I was actually never hungry and lost a lot of weight.  I am hoping that this all will help me get back to basics.  They say that you lose weight for the first 12-18 months.  I am 9 months out today.  The Maintenance phase is going to be life long.  It is a sink or swim type of thing.  I don't want to be one that reverts back to my old unhealthy ways or that adds the pounds back on in excess.  I know that a lot of people don't believe in these types of things but I believe in whatever works for the individual.  I am a very structured individual.  If I am on a "plan" I do well.  When I just leave it up in the air...I do very bad.  So I am hoping that these week goes smooth and I am actually very excited to try it out and challenge myself.

Breakfast- chocolate protein shake...haven't had one of these in months, tasted pretty darn good.
Morning snack- McDonalds iced coffee
Lunch- Portabello mushroom soup
Afternoon snack- creamy tomato and parmesan bisque
Dinner- probably the lentil soup...straining out most of the chunks
And water, water, water, water, water and more water....did I mention water?  LOL

Today I am officially 8 months and 27 days out from surgery....clearly, yes, I am not in the maintenance phase yet but it is something that I think about more often now that I am able to eat a little bit more.  And can someone please explain to me why I can eat more that the next RNY'er?  It is a little frustrating!!  LOL  For lunch today I had a 6' veggie delight from Subway on wheat toasted.  I ate the first 3" at lunch (1pm) and I am having the 2nd 3" now.  Is that normal?  LOL   I won't eat anything else till I get home and then I plan on having broccoli, one of the microwave Green Giant small packs...problem there is that I can literally eat the entire thing...its only like 120 calories in the entire pack but still.  A good friend of mine hardly eats at all and is dropping the weight like crazy.  Ive done good but I am worried that with my appetite (head hunger) and the amount of food I am able to eat that when I get to the maintenenace phase it is going to be a struggle daily just to attempt to maintain.  
I have read about this 5 Day Pouch Test.  Has anyone tried it?  Basically it is back to basics of liquid diet for like 2 days then just protein-small servings I think.  It is suppose to bring you back to the mentality that we all was right after surgery....when we couldn't eat an entire 6" sub in a matter of 2 hours LOL  If you have tried it or read about it or just have comments on it in general Id love to hear it.  I would love to go to just doing soups but they are SO HIGH in sodium and I think that was causing me to retain water so bad.  Maybe I need to get back to having my shrimp for lunch, my egg on 1/2 a sandwich thin for breakfast and a reasonable dinner.  That would not only save me money  on going out to eat everyday but keep my calories down and my serving size small.

 Sitting here today I realized that I am SO VERY ready for the weekend.  This weekend I am going to Jacksonville Beaches.  We are going to go over on Sunday and eating at Joe's Crab Shack....the most yummy place ever!  LOL  Last time I was there I had the crab dip and some type of hot shrimp and crab bites....amazing.  It is right on the beach so hopefully if the weather holds out we can go for a walk on the beach as well.  It is like a 2 hour drive but just to get away and relax will be worth it.

-2nd thought, I am SO VERY thankful for all the wonderful friends that I have made on this site.  I hope that I can be at least 1/2 of a motivation to the ones that read my blog as all of those that reply has been to me.

-3rd thought, Is it lunch time yet?  LOL I have been craving a taco so I think I am going to go to this Mexican place called La Fiesta and get a hard shell taco, ground beef, cheese, sour cream, and guacamole.  May not be the most healthy thing I have had lately....but I think it will be YUMMY!!!

-4th thought, I have completely let go of my anger toward my coworker and her negative attitude.  We are NOT talking to each other but I am not going to sweat it anymore.  Honestly she is wrong, and if she is too stubborn to admit it...screw her.  I found out that she was making some racial comments to another coworker as well...not good when you work for a predomently african american law firm.  But that is neither here nor there, I just don't have the time.  I can say that I am getting a lot more done by not conversating with her so there is a positive to every negative.

-5th thought, if you are in Florida and anywhere close to the Gainesville, FL area or would be willing to travel to the Gainesville, FL area please send me a message.  A good friend of mine is planning a OH get together, so id like to make contact with as many Floridians as possible.

Well that is about it for right now LOL....guess I should get back to work

 We all experience it from one time to another.  Being overweight we probably experienced it more than others.  Negativity from others, negativity from ourselves, negative thoughts, negative energy, negative PEOPLE!  I don't know if losing weight has made me less tolerant of these negative situations, thoughts, places, and PEOPLE but I find myself trying to avoid it at all costs.  I have a coworker that I was very close with.  She was so supportive of me during my approval process and even after surgery.  She has got her friends together to give me smaller clothes as they are all very small and I thought they was being supportive.  Well over the last 4 months or so her attitude has slowly changed.  She has gone from being supportive to just down right nasty.  Telling me I can't do this and I can't do that.  From going back to school, to being in a management position at the firm we work for, to losing more weight then I originally wanted to lose, to finding a good man, to moving to a new place...literally everything I say she tells me I can't do it.  What changed?  Well she was in a bad relationship and he dumped her.  Somehow that left her with this new found "Im better than you" attitude.  Not sure how that happened but it did.  I have listened to her shoot down every single thing I have wanted to do for months.  The thing that sticks out in my head the most, I wanted a strapless long tube dress.  The kind that all the girls wear to the beach.  She told me "nope you can't wear that you are too short and it will make you look fatter".  Well I bought a strapless tube dress and I must say I look pretty good in it LOL.  I don't think that it makes me look fatter and if I like it why does it matter?  Everyone has an opinion and I am fine with that.  But if your opinion is negative why would you say it to your friend and not try to put in it a positive manner?  Give advice, give guideance, but judging and being super negative probably isn't the way to go.  So now what was a "friendship" is now nothing because we are now not even talking to each other.  Funny how that happens.

 So yesterday I had my appointment with the surgeon....suprisingly he was the sweetest guy around.  He gave me compliments said that if I wasn't one of his patients he would never know that I use to be as big as I was.  He got on the computer and looked up all my past numbers...he did a COMPLETE 180.  While I sat there hesitant, and skeptical.  LOL  My labs were all ok except my Vitamin D and  my hemoglobin.  He said my vitamin d should be around 30 and it was 12.  He said that being my age and that I still have my "cycle" he wasn't extremely worried about the hemoglobin but suggests that I up my iron....which I haven't been taking at all so I have to start that ASAP!  He said my B12 was excellent...thanks Lisa for the info on the sublinguals....they obviously work.  One thing that worried me was that my blood pressure was 147/95.  That is stage 1 hypertension...he wasn't concerned he said it was because I was nervous....but what if.  What if it really is that high on a regular basis?  So I am a little concerned about that.  He also said that I need to exercise....so I have to work on finding a way to get my exercise in or get to a gym....something!  I hate being outside in this Florida heat so I guess a gym membership or finally going to take those Zumba classes might be my best bet.

 WARNING!!!!!  NOT weight loss related 
So...before I posted about my "house guests".  Well the mom moved out about 2 months ago....said I made her feel uncomfortable LOL I laugh because we lived together for 2 years in HER rented house and she made me feel uncomfortable everyday but because I knew that she couldn't afford the place and truly needed my help as she had her 2 grandkids I stayed.  I paide my half no matter who stayed there.  She had boyfriends that would be in and out...I never complained.  I literally lived in a small bedroom with my son for 2 years....and smiled every time I saw her and worked my butt off to make sure that I was never late to pay any of the bills.  So then her son (my BF) came back into the picture and we needed a bigger place, so me and him moved....that was February of this year, by March she was moved in.  Said that she couldn't handle it by herself....ok no problem.  She wasn't paying half of anything.  $200 a month for a fully furnished home with extended cable, movie channels, electirc, water, everything included.  I don't think that is a bad deal.  So then one day she tells me that I am mean to her son and it makes her feel uncomfortable.  Her son is 31 by the way, and thinks it is ok to stay out till 2am which is why we was arguing.  That and the fact that he does NOTHING to help better our situation,  himself, his kids, or anyone for that matter.  So she moves out...into a hotel paying $150 a week...and had the nerve to tell me it was my fault that she could only take her clothes and not all her belongings.  A month later....I received a call that she was losing her car so she needed to move back.  Ok, no problem.  She came to me and said she would give me $100 a week, then it went to $100 every other week.  Ok, still no problem.  She also told me that if there was any issues she would come to me first because I told her that I made a budget and in order to afford all the bills I needed to know that she would be paying me every other week.  She agreed.  I wake up this SATURDAY morning to a truck backed up to my front door and some strange man carrying her stuff out of the house.  I asked her what was going on and she says "Im moving".  I laughed.  She said that it was nothing I did but she was just going to keep moving until she could find the money to get her own place.  
Now (breath), I am not the type to hold a grudge but the lady has pushed me to my limit this time.  When she moved in we had basic cable trying to save money.  She said she wanted movie channels so that very day we got on the phone and changed our plan.  She said she wanted a deep freeze as she was going to stock up on food since she knows that I love to cook...we have an empty deep freeze taking up a ton of room in our kitchen.  I have honestly made every attempt to make this woman and her son happy.  I have over extended myself for both of them, so when she came to me as they was carting her sh*t out the door I was just slightly upset.  Not once did she say something ahead of time so that I would have some type of notice that she 1) was moving and 2) wouldn't be paying me as planned.  I know $200 isn't a lot of money but that is really not the point at all.  I will be fine money wise, the bills will get paid just like they have always been.  It is just the fact that I never treated her this way and I would expect the same respect.
So I have made up my mind that I don't care what happens she is NOT coming back to my house.  If that ends any type of relationship, friendship, whatever you want to call it between me and her son...so be it.  And what is crazy is that he knew she was moving and he didn't tell me either.  Correct me if I am wrong but aren't MEN suppose to love, honor, and respect...and even protect their women?  He knew the situation so for him to keep that from me is like a slap in the face.  He isn't going to pick up her slack or even be there if I was to need something.  When I talked to him about it he acted like the innocent bystander that didn't have anything to do with it.  But that is his momma and I was suppose to be his girlfriend, and I don't care who it was I still wouldn't let them walk over him the way she has done me.
Maybe I am just bitter, angry right now....needing to vent and get this crap off my chest.  I am not the type to hold grudges or let things affect me for a long period of time but this one I think has to be stopped right now.  WHEW.......I feel better now LOL

 He is on VACATION.....it would have been nice if he would have called to let me know, seeing that this appointment was scheduled back in May.  And I emailed his "office manager" on Monday she could have replied to tell me that he wasn't going to be there for my appointment.  So I waited an hour in an empty waiting room waiting for someone to come out and talk to me to tell me, "oh it says they called you".  I said "oh really...so do you show the appointment was rescheduled", she said no....and then appologized.  So I have another appointment for next Thursday the 18th at 3:30pm.  I did go and get my labs done so hopefully they will have the results and we can kill 2 birds with one stone on the 18th.

This is just one more showing of their total lack of professionalism.  I work for a law firm...if I did that to one of our clients they would fire us.  I would get in trouble and it would not be pretty.  I always thought in the professional world you are suppose to follow up, be proactive, and never leave a PAYING client waiting for no reason.  Oh well....such is life I guess.  ITS FRIDAY!!!!!!!   TGIF!!!!!

Today is the day.  I have my follow up appointment with the surgeon.  I want to say something because it is not in my nature to ever be mean or negative about other people.  He is an EXCELLENT surgeon.  I have no doubt that his surgical skills are amazing, I think that he did a great job performing the actual surgery.  My only issues are his manner in speaking to me and the way he handles business outside of the operating room.  For those who know him or used him in the past and have had great experiences....I am happy for you!  I don't wish his actions on anyone, and he may have been having an "off day"...that is why I decided to give him a 2nd chance and go to this appointment.  In my town there are 2 major hospitals, the other is not accepting new patients for post-op care if they didn't do the surgery.  The other facility is about 30 mins away.  When my insurance was cancelled I also lost my PCP, but hopefully next week my job will have the insurance issues straight and I can find a really good PCP to start going to.
For me I strive for perfection.  I was telling my friend on here earlier that this doctor was suppose to be my "weight loss savior" he was providing me with a tool that I had dreamed about for years.  I want to like him and more importantly I want him to like me and be proud of my progress.  The way he addressed me was the complete opposite.  He made me feel like I was less than a person all because I didn't have insurance.  I was on Florida Medicaid when I had the surgery...he knew that when he approved me.  So to belittle me and tell me I should not put food on the table for my family is outrageous in my opinion...and there again I might just be too sensitive.

So today I am meeting him and then going to get my blood work done.  I have a guy friend that is going to tag along with me.  So hopefully there will be no trips to the county jail in my near future. LOL Kidding  

So keep your fingers crossed for me.  I am praying that he will see that I really am trying.  I am doing and following all the rules as far as his suggestions so I can't imagine what he could complain about this time...other then the fact that I haven't had blood work done...but I am getting that done today.

 As some of you may remember 3 months ago I had a follow up appointment with the surgeon from hell.  He was rude, disrespectful, literally had me crying in the middle of the office and never let up.  It was so bad that his partner came back and appologized after the appointment was over.  Well I have another appointment with him tomorrow.  I am worried that he is going to act the same way.  I finally have the funds to get my labs done but when I called the lab this morning they wouldn't even tell me if the orders were still in their system.  It is always a hassle and a fuss with these people.  They can never give me a straight answer, they always have the worst attitudes, and their service is lacking to say the least.  So I am sure the doctor will be mad that the labs aren't done already....even though he didn't write the order....I had to call and email for 2 weeks to just get the orders sent over.  Now they can't tell me if they even have the order.  LOL  Makes me want to scream.

So I think it might be best to have someone at the appointment with me.  I don't want to leave there in tears again and with the mood that I am in today I might go off on him if he starts in on me like he did last time.  AHHHHHHHHH  I am so not looking forward to tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!