kwinkleman
Wants, Needs, Relationships
Sep 25, 2011
(not weight loss related) (well not completely)
I clearly know NOTHING about relationship but I have been thinking alot about my current situation and want to put it out in the open, get it off my chest and "vent". Ok, so we get into a relationship because we really like/love the person right? And with friendships we become friends with someone because we have things in common and we enjoy spending time with that person....right? But aren't there "needs" that have to be fulfilled in order to make the relationship/friendship work...or last? I will take my relationship for example-there are things that I "need" from him. LIke love, compassion, mental support, recognition, Id like him to help me financially, at least on bills that are for the "family". So if I am not getting any of those things....what is the point. Ok, so what about friendships...I hate to say that I "need" anything from my friends but I think the same rules apply. I expect my friends to be there for me, as I am there for them. To lend an open ear, as I would for them. I believe that friends are suppose to provide mental support, encouragement, tough love if needed, etc. I mean the old saying says something out people coming in and OUT of our lives for a particular reason. Maybe the reason that one person needs to leave my life is because he has no purpose in my life.
The great house that I found basically relied on me contiuning to be with him. His new boss owns the house and offered us a teriffic deal on the rent....in exchange for my so called BF to do work for him at a reduced hourly rate. BF agreed. I signed the lease paperwok on Friday. But over the weekend it truly sank in that I just can't do it. I have more respect for myself and for the home owner (his new boss) then to bring all the drama, unhappiness, and madness to his home. I have realized that things between me and him are never going to change. He IS the way he is and I AM the way I am. We just don't mesh well together, so it is time to move on. Yep...ive said it before but I honestly believe that God put this entire "moving" situation in my plans to force me to make a decision. I love the house, would love to live there, but why move just to continue to be unhappy. He is not going to suddenly become a great guy just becasue our address changed. This entire weekend we spent maybe 30 mins together...and we live in the same house. He runs the streets all night long and claims to be working all day. When we are together we argue non stop. The dog chewed up his cable that goes from his PS3 to the modem. He called me to yell at me about that and demand that I replace it. But it is suppose to be our house, our stuff, our dog...yet it is my responsibility to replace things that get messed up. He got paid Friday just like I did....I paid the cable/internet, the cell phone bill, signed my son up for a new daycare, bought groceries....he spent his money on himself or he kept it. He told me yesterday he was trying to save money. How can you as a man try to save money when you see that I am barely keeping my head above water? THEN he tells me that "it is my responsibility to keep a roof over mine and my sons head"! And he is 110% correct. That is my responsibility and I have been doing just that since day 1. But I assumed that when he moved in with me, and we started living together as a couple...that it was his responsibility to chip in every now and then and actually do something for me, or for the house, or even pay a bill...Id take 1/2 of a bill payment at this point. He doesn't do any of those things. AND THEN, we don't spend time together, he doesn't make me laugh, he doesn't make me feel special, he doesn't give me mental support, or emotional support, he doesn't do any of those things. So I ask myself again...what is the poing?
I am tired of questioning myself. He made a comment last night that he has "never had anyone do anything for him before in his life" Ok, so no one other than me. He said yes, so my question is...why does he treat me like crap then? His answer...is that he doesn't. He says that he does his best that it just isn't good enough for me. Funny...how things always get flipped around to be my fault at the end of the day. I ask for too much, his best isn't good enough, and the new one is that all I do is complain. I told him last night that is because I am miserable, and I have tried talking, crying, begging, pleading nothing else seemed to work so now I am just fed up and tired.
SO....I am going to let him have his big beautiful house. And I am sure that within a week or 2 he will have some other girl in there. But I have no control over that. He will have to find a 'girl' that is ok with being treated like a doormat and getting nothing in return. So I wish him the best. I am going to move in with a good friend of mine for a little while. I think we can help each other grow and get over the men of our past.
Now...on a weight loss related note (LOL) I went and tried on clothes this weekend....SIZE 14!!!! Ive never been able to say that before in my entire life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
34 comments
I clearly know NOTHING about relationship but I have been thinking alot about my current situation and want to put it out in the open, get it off my chest and "vent". Ok, so we get into a relationship because we really like/love the person right? And with friendships we become friends with someone because we have things in common and we enjoy spending time with that person....right? But aren't there "needs" that have to be fulfilled in order to make the relationship/friendship work...or last? I will take my relationship for example-there are things that I "need" from him. LIke love, compassion, mental support, recognition, Id like him to help me financially, at least on bills that are for the "family". So if I am not getting any of those things....what is the point. Ok, so what about friendships...I hate to say that I "need" anything from my friends but I think the same rules apply. I expect my friends to be there for me, as I am there for them. To lend an open ear, as I would for them. I believe that friends are suppose to provide mental support, encouragement, tough love if needed, etc. I mean the old saying says something out people coming in and OUT of our lives for a particular reason. Maybe the reason that one person needs to leave my life is because he has no purpose in my life.
The great house that I found basically relied on me contiuning to be with him. His new boss owns the house and offered us a teriffic deal on the rent....in exchange for my so called BF to do work for him at a reduced hourly rate. BF agreed. I signed the lease paperwok on Friday. But over the weekend it truly sank in that I just can't do it. I have more respect for myself and for the home owner (his new boss) then to bring all the drama, unhappiness, and madness to his home. I have realized that things between me and him are never going to change. He IS the way he is and I AM the way I am. We just don't mesh well together, so it is time to move on. Yep...ive said it before but I honestly believe that God put this entire "moving" situation in my plans to force me to make a decision. I love the house, would love to live there, but why move just to continue to be unhappy. He is not going to suddenly become a great guy just becasue our address changed. This entire weekend we spent maybe 30 mins together...and we live in the same house. He runs the streets all night long and claims to be working all day. When we are together we argue non stop. The dog chewed up his cable that goes from his PS3 to the modem. He called me to yell at me about that and demand that I replace it. But it is suppose to be our house, our stuff, our dog...yet it is my responsibility to replace things that get messed up. He got paid Friday just like I did....I paid the cable/internet, the cell phone bill, signed my son up for a new daycare, bought groceries....he spent his money on himself or he kept it. He told me yesterday he was trying to save money. How can you as a man try to save money when you see that I am barely keeping my head above water? THEN he tells me that "it is my responsibility to keep a roof over mine and my sons head"! And he is 110% correct. That is my responsibility and I have been doing just that since day 1. But I assumed that when he moved in with me, and we started living together as a couple...that it was his responsibility to chip in every now and then and actually do something for me, or for the house, or even pay a bill...Id take 1/2 of a bill payment at this point. He doesn't do any of those things. AND THEN, we don't spend time together, he doesn't make me laugh, he doesn't make me feel special, he doesn't give me mental support, or emotional support, he doesn't do any of those things. So I ask myself again...what is the poing?
I am tired of questioning myself. He made a comment last night that he has "never had anyone do anything for him before in his life" Ok, so no one other than me. He said yes, so my question is...why does he treat me like crap then? His answer...is that he doesn't. He says that he does his best that it just isn't good enough for me. Funny...how things always get flipped around to be my fault at the end of the day. I ask for too much, his best isn't good enough, and the new one is that all I do is complain. I told him last night that is because I am miserable, and I have tried talking, crying, begging, pleading nothing else seemed to work so now I am just fed up and tired.
SO....I am going to let him have his big beautiful house. And I am sure that within a week or 2 he will have some other girl in there. But I have no control over that. He will have to find a 'girl' that is ok with being treated like a doormat and getting nothing in return. So I wish him the best. I am going to move in with a good friend of mine for a little while. I think we can help each other grow and get over the men of our past.
Now...on a weight loss related note (LOL) I went and tried on clothes this weekend....SIZE 14!!!! Ive never been able to say that before in my entire life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Food, Food, Food
Sep 22, 2011
I have been HUNGRY lately...well I think I am hungry which probably means it is head hunger huh? LOL I literally sat here today thinking about food so long and hard till I had to just get up and leave the office. It is miserable. Right now I am obsessing over a Chipotle salad with extra dressing....gotta get that dressing in there because it has zero calories right?? Wrong!!!! If its not one thing it is another anymore. Well I am going to go past our new house tonight and make sure the AC is working. Going to try and start moving small stuff that I don't need right now this weekend. I have a little more cleaning to do and need to get some decorations. Bathroom accessories, we have no furniture. I guess all that comes with time right? My son is super excited. I can't wait to just have everything in place so I can breath a sigh of relief.
Plan for next week- ZUMBA Monday and Wednesday at least. It is a must since I have been eating like there is no tomorrow. Hopefully I will make it to the grocery store in the next day or so to get more fruits, veggies, healthy stuff to replace all the bad stuff that I have been eating. Hopefully that will make a difference. I have been so bloated over the last few days that it is just a miserable uncomfortable feeling. Hopefully after getting back to eating right that will go away as well.
One can only hope!!!
3 comments
Plan for next week- ZUMBA Monday and Wednesday at least. It is a must since I have been eating like there is no tomorrow. Hopefully I will make it to the grocery store in the next day or so to get more fruits, veggies, healthy stuff to replace all the bad stuff that I have been eating. Hopefully that will make a difference. I have been so bloated over the last few days that it is just a miserable uncomfortable feeling. Hopefully after getting back to eating right that will go away as well.
One can only hope!!!M.I.A.
Sep 21, 2011
WOW, it feels like forever since I have been online. Between added work responsibilities and no internet at home I have been someone "missing in action". I wanted to write today because I am feeling DOWN and my weight is UP for some strange reason....AND most importantly I just ate almost an entire Quiznos Chicken Cobb salad...is that normal LOL. I haven't been to Zumba in 2 weeks due to finances but hopefully I will be back in the swing of things come Monday.
A lot has been going on...I am moving, found a really great house! It is more like my dream home; fireplace, tile floors, granite countertops, flat top stove...it is a dream. Fenced yard...the whole 9 yards. Last time I was writing/blogging I was tettering between 189 and 186. Well today I am at 190....so I don't know what is going on. I have found that I am eating a lot more lately. There was a couple of weeks where I basically was eating a small breakfast a small lunch and a small dinner. I have started adding in those mid morning and mid afternoon snacks and I am afraid that plus eating more at actual meal time is making me gain weight. Of course these last 10 pounds would be the hardest right. But it brings me back to the whole "will I ever get to goal"? Will I fail at this too? I am coming up on my one year in November so I wonder will I have gained all the weight back in a year or two. It is scary to think that I have gone through all this only to fail. Maybe I am just being hard on myself. Maybe I need to get my behind back on here on a regular basis and I would be back on track. I am sitting right here miserable from eating too much...I could have swore I wrote about this a month or 2 ago and things had gotten better....only to slack right back off again. I have been going home and grazing on junk. Chips, dip, crackers, non healthy items. I need fruit, veggies, the good stuff. I blogged about wanting to cut meat from my diet...that hasn't been a priority anymore either. I had chicken on my salad today drowned in 3 packets of ranch. I am losing it. And the scale tells me about it everyday.
Tomorrow is a new day right. Hopefully I can get back on track. Thinking I need to go to the grocery store tonight and get back to what I was doing a few weeks ago before all he*(* broke loose.
How is everyone else doing? Miss you guys!!!!
15 comments
A lot has been going on...I am moving, found a really great house! It is more like my dream home; fireplace, tile floors, granite countertops, flat top stove...it is a dream. Fenced yard...the whole 9 yards. Last time I was writing/blogging I was tettering between 189 and 186. Well today I am at 190....so I don't know what is going on. I have found that I am eating a lot more lately. There was a couple of weeks where I basically was eating a small breakfast a small lunch and a small dinner. I have started adding in those mid morning and mid afternoon snacks and I am afraid that plus eating more at actual meal time is making me gain weight. Of course these last 10 pounds would be the hardest right. But it brings me back to the whole "will I ever get to goal"? Will I fail at this too? I am coming up on my one year in November so I wonder will I have gained all the weight back in a year or two. It is scary to think that I have gone through all this only to fail. Maybe I am just being hard on myself. Maybe I need to get my behind back on here on a regular basis and I would be back on track. I am sitting right here miserable from eating too much...I could have swore I wrote about this a month or 2 ago and things had gotten better....only to slack right back off again. I have been going home and grazing on junk. Chips, dip, crackers, non healthy items. I need fruit, veggies, the good stuff. I blogged about wanting to cut meat from my diet...that hasn't been a priority anymore either. I had chicken on my salad today drowned in 3 packets of ranch. I am losing it. And the scale tells me about it everyday.
Tomorrow is a new day right. Hopefully I can get back on track. Thinking I need to go to the grocery store tonight and get back to what I was doing a few weeks ago before all he*(* broke loose.
How is everyone else doing? Miss you guys!!!!
Happy Friday!!!!!!!! Happy Labor Day Weekend!!!!
Sep 01, 2011
HAPPY LABOR DAY WEEKEND OH!!!!!!! What are you plans? Where are you going? What are you doing? I am happy about the 3 day weekend and having an extra day to hopefully rest and SLEEP IN. I am tired. Actually borderline exhausted. This weekend I plan on watching as many movies as possible, doing a little cleaning, and simply relaxing. I honestly don't want to go anywhere or really do anything but relax. My son wants to go to the library one day so we will probably do that. Might grill out one day as well....keep it simple and hopefully stress free! If that is possible LOL. Next week my goal is to go to Zumba twice. I am sore today from the Wednesday class so I must have worked some muscles. I was shocked that I actually did the entire 60 minute class without stopping. There was a few seconds in between songs but I didn't have to go sit down or anything like that. It was so much fun.
I am going to go look at a condo tomorrow maybe. I am still trying to move. I have a few options but I am scared. I don't want to do anything drastic and end up regretting it. Regrets are something that really worry me. And I hate having to beg someone for anything. So I want to make sure that I make the right decisions....no room for error!
On that note! Happy Labor Day and enjoy the weekend!!
5 comments
I am going to go look at a condo tomorrow maybe. I am still trying to move. I have a few options but I am scared. I don't want to do anything drastic and end up regretting it. Regrets are something that really worry me. And I hate having to beg someone for anything. So I want to make sure that I make the right decisions....no room for error!
On that note! Happy Labor Day and enjoy the weekend!!
About Me
FL
Location
29.0
BMI
Surgery
11/29/2010
Surgery Date
Oct 01, 2010
Member Since
