Argh....it's raining....again.  It seems like it's been raining forever.  I'm ready for some SUN.

I've been mall walking since last Thursday.  I must say it's embarrassing to have people much older than me pass me by like I'm standing still.  I'm still having a lot of belly pain (apparently because things are growing back together...nerves, muscles.....I'm healing).  I also have a large amount of swelling on the left side of my belly.  I can look down and I'm quite lopsided right now.  Just lovely.  LOL  I'm having issues with anything around my waist, so it's a good thing that my jogging pants are big on me.  They are a 3X and if I didn't have a bum they'd fall off.  WOO HOO 

I will say I'm actually having a problem eating 3 meals a day like I'm suppose to.  There are times that I can't even get the 2 oz down.  Amazing.  I don't think about food 24/7.  I have to remind myself to eat.  I'm wondering if Dr. Shina didn't do a little brain surgery during my bypass.  I'm going to have to ask him the next time I see him.  :)

Anyway ....here's hoping everyone has a great day.  Shout out to my friend Sarah who looked super when she came to visit me in the hospital.  Half hopped up on the morphine pump I remember thinking...Dang she's got some tiny pants on... LOL

Pills...I've never had issues taking pills.  Now I do.  I have chewable vitamins, petite calcium citrate...no problems with these ...then there's the iron tablets that don't look big but gag me.  I am so not use to this.  I hope it doesn't last!

I have to say things are getting easier every day.  I'm finally sleeping in my bed (I've been confined to my recliner), although I still have to prop myself up.  I have an issue with pain near my belly button, and the doctor said this was normal and might get worse before it gets better. I'll be glad for the day I can sleep on my side again.  I hate sleeping on my back. 

I went mall walking last night.  It took me awhile, and  my husband was very patient with me.  They told me to start out slowly (like I can do it any other way).  I was exhaused after one trek around the mall.  Again, I know this will get easier - I just want to start off on the right foot and do this correctly.  I didn't have my innards changed to do this the wrong way.  :)

I called the nutritionist this morning, and she made me feel so much better about what I'm doing.  She said my protein intake sounds right on track, and that contrary to what some people said the protein in my drink doesn't break down in 2 hours.  Phew.  However, she did say I would be doing better with calcium citrate as opposed to the Tums (calcium carbonate). So, I'm making a run to the store later today to rectify that.  I've also been advised to add some Benefiber to my shake, as I'm having some "potty issues".  

I'm planning on calling a therapist as well.  For so long food was my crutch, and now that's gone.  I don't want to develop another dependency, as I know that I have an addictive personality.  I think, thus far, that emotionally this has been harder for me than physically.  However, I remind myself - you are now off insulin and only taking one pill a day for diabetes.  The doctor said soon that would be gone.  Your health is already improving.  :)

The drain tube is out.  I have to say that's been one of the high points of the last couple of weeks.  They took all of my staples out as well, and said I'm doing great.  The doctor walked out of my room saying "Don't forget ...meat and cheese, meat and cheese, meat and cheese.  It can't get any more basic than that!".   

Since my journey began I've lost approximately 37 lbs.  I hit my first goal today weighing less than 300 lbs.  Yeah me!  I've decided I'm going to do this in increments of 25, so my next goal is to be below 275. 

I'm 8 days post op and starting to feel a little better.  I'll be so grateful when the drain comes out on Tuesday.  I hate this thing.  I have to say, my emotions are all over the board.  I know this will get better, it's just incredibly hard right now. 
I have decided to not gloss over facts if someone asks me about this surgery.  It's rough, it's hard, and it's a rollercoaster.  I do remember things - like my ng tube coming out - horrible.  I was told this was similiar to the pain from lap gall bladder - not so.  I've now had both and this one is more painful.  However, I've already lost 20 pounds so I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  I just feel that almost everyone I talked to at work glossed over the bad stuff and focused on the end result.  I feel you should be ready for both good and bad.  Another bad...the pain of taking pills.  Eeeee.  No more than two in an hour - well no wonder.  It fills you up...you are literally stuffed.  But the pain involved in swallowing said pill.  Geez, they could've warned a girl.  
Having said this I am so anxious to get past this indecisive point - me asking myself why on earth I did this at least 30 times a day.  Is it worth it?  Yes.  Pre-surgery I was a raging Diabetic on both insulin and pills daily.  Prior to leaving the hospital the doctor took me off insulin and I'm currently taking 1 pill a day.  He said soon I'll be off this as well.  I had a few goals going in ... to feel better, to lose the diabetes, to look better, and to be more confident.  So, 1 of those is almost achieved.  I can't wait until the day they say the diabetes is completely gone. 
As I write this, I realize I've soothed some of my own fears.  I know this is a good thing, it's just a huge adjustment. The bad comes with the good, and I'll get over this period.