I remember sitting on swings in the park with a friend we were 11 she asked me how much I weighed, 116lbs.  I can not remember what she said her weight was, but it was less.  I think this was the first time I thought that I would start a diet.  If I lost weight I don't remember.  I do know that from that point on my weight became an issue.  Slowly I began to gain and by the time I was in grade 10 I was one of the heaviest girls in school.  I can not say that I was obese, just overweight.  I was never made fun of the only place that I felt bad about my weight was with my family.  My dad's comments that maybe I should take up smoking to loose weight hurt.  I knew then and still do that he was embarassed to be with me.  An uncle thought he would help by telling me in front of all my aunts, uncles and cousins that he would give me a dollar for each pound I lost.  Everyone in my family was and is slim.  So many times I cried myself to sleep.  They say kids can be cruel, in my world it was family.  When I was sixteen I managed to loose a considerable amount of weight I starved myself.  The more people noticed the less I would eat.  I was so excited when I was asked out for the first time.  It was on this date that I ended up passing out from low blood sugar.  He never called again. It did not take long before what I lost had found its way back to my stomache, plus a lot more.  For years I tried diet after diet.  Deciding at one point that I wanted to be an Police Officer.  Running every day made the weight fly off me.  It was durring this time that  I met my first husband.  I felt so good, even though I still was overweight.  I felt good. 190lbs.  Then I developed IBS and within only a few short months had put on over 50lbs.  With each month that passed the scale moved up and up.  Suddenly my first husband passed away. I remember at the time actually thinking, "At least I will lost weight.  I didn't the more depressed I became the more I gained. 240lbs.  Slowly I went through the stages of grief and the clouds began to part.  I started becomming more active.  Then I went on Weight Watchers I lost a lot of weight and managed to keep it off for some time.  Long enough that I had a tummy tuck.  Then like a neighbour that just won't leave you alone, it came back.  and back.  Durring this time I married again.  Never did he mention that I was gaining weight, he still tried to make me feel beautiful. I did not feel it.  We tried to have children, but due to Insulin Resistance and Polycysitic Ovarian Syndrome it was a five year battle.  Losing only 20 pounds gave me the ability to get pregnant.  I lost over 20 pounds durring the pregnancy.  It was the first time that losing weight was an issue.   Not long after my daughter was born the weight I had lost returned.  with it came abdominal pain like none I had ever had including labor.  Dr's had no explenation other then Irritable Bowel Syndrome, or Inflamitory Bowel Disease.  The pain became so intense and so often that I spent a great deal of time in the hospital and when not in the hospital lying around.  I was put on pain killers.  This medication makes you so tired.  It does not take a rocket scientist to know that with all that lying around came more weight.  I tried more diets and more weight loss programs at local gyms, losing some here and there.  Becoming pregnant a second time surprised me. I had only lost a few pounds and was not trying.  Durring my pregnancy with her I spent three months in the hospital.  However I still lost weight. After her birth I gained back the weight very quickly.  I was 241lbs.  Then life seamed to stop.  Our youngest became ill and after a year of trips to the hospital etc.  She was diagnosed with cancer.  I think we all know that being down only adds to the problems of someone struggling with weight issues.  When I stood on the scale at one of her appointments and it read 279lbs I seriously looked behind me thinking that my husband had slipped his foot on the scale.  No such luck.  I knew then that no matter what kind of spin I put on the situation, my weight was killing me and my family was suffering for it.  Almost every day my four year old wants to play outside with me.  In the summer it was too hot.  I sweat all the time.  It is so embarrasing talking to someone and you have sweat dripping off you forehead.  The though of the work it would take to get off the couch and put on my shoes and go out and play made me tired. I knew that acutually going out would be 100 times worse.  It has only been over the last year that I have become aware of what people are saying.  Having experienced a few occassions where some rude and low class individual has decided to tell me that I was obese.  Like I didn't know.  At a fundraiser for my daughter a man told me that I was a Big Woman.  I ended up crying.  Telling people that I was worried about my daughter.  Aside from the obvious reasons to be worried about my two year old I am worried for both of them.  Worried that they won't grow up to have a mommy.  Worried that they will follow in my footsteps and have to deal with all that I have in thier lives.  I want to , no I have to give my little one all that I have within me to fight this beast, She deserves my best. I pray that those that sit in the OHIP tower will feel the same when I say that more then just my life depends on this surgery.