Clarissa A.

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Went for my Pre-Admission testing this morning; nothing major - blood work, EKG, Chest X-ray and met with the Anesthesia Nurses.
They went over all of the last minute details and that's when it hit me like a TON OF BRICKS!!!!! Holy Jesus, Mary and Joseph - I am doing this!!!!! 
I was in such a rush this morning leaving the house that I completely forgot that I was to start my Pre-Op Diet today. Thank God that I had left a few RTD shakes in the car because on a more lucid day - I said to myself "Self, you should leave some in the car for those crazy mornings"
I am not gonna lie, I am starving!!! But that is mostly becasue my Aunt Flo showed up this morning and day 1 is always tough ( I know, TMI)

I do have to say that the staff at Roger Willimas Hospital is AMAZING.
Everyone is so pleasant and open to talk. I actually had a good time being at the hospital for 2 hours this morning LOL 13 days to go but who's counting ....

Ok ... so I have to admit - the nerves are kicking in

Starting my pre-op diet next Wednesday which is also the day that I go in for the Pre-Admission Testing.

I think that I am more nervous because I have so much starting to happen simultaneously. I took my mom for Diagnostic Screening after an "iffy" Mammogram and next she is going in for an open biopsy. She goes for Pre-op testing on Tuesday afternoon and her surgey in on Friday (yes, they want this done asap).

I keep thinking to myself, what IF something is really wrong with my mom? How am I supposed to take care of her when I NEED to take care of MYSELF. I had been taking care of my mother since I was 10 yrs old, I just moved away from home 2 years ago and still I only live a few blocks away. (my mom was soooo pissed when "I left her")

I decided 2 years ago that it was time to live my life and most recently I decided that I need to take care of me! I can't let myself fall by the wayside again - its not an option
Does that make me a terrible person or just someone easy to guilt trip?

It has been a tough week for me. I don't know why I am starting to second guess my decision. I have done the research - I have read the good, the bad and the ugly about this surgery. I am INFORMED - DAMN IT!!!

Alot of people at work know and they keep asking questions, I originally told a couple of people and somehow it spread like wild fire  (guess that happens when you work with a bunch of gossip queens lol) The next question is, am I going to have Plastic Surgery afterwards - I'm like HELLO, 1 Surgery at a time please!!!!

I wake up in the middle of the night and just think and wonder, I keep asking myself what if it doesn't work for me? Like really!?!?!? I am doing all the work and will continue to do all of the work - why wouldn't it. I have a very Logical side that argues with my illogical side, so sometimes my head spins LOL  Then I wonder why I can't sleep

So, now I am 25 days away and counting. I am prepared - picked up the last of my vitamins (B12 sublingual) yesterday so that the weekend beofre my surgey all I have to do is get my "foods" and Protein shakes for when I return home from surgery.