This has been a weird last few weeks for me.  I started with the too tight fill, a slight unfill the next day, and then it has been a roller coaster.  I lost about 11 lbs in 9 days, so I canceled my next fill.  A few days after my fill would have been, I was hungrier than I've been since surgery.  I know a lot of it was head hunger, but I was still hungry constantly.  I know it was pre-TOM, but still.  Went to the Seattle Bandster Bash last weekend, and got stuck on my first bite of tuna salad at lunch.  Had a successful dinner, but then have not been dealing well with solids at all since then (grrrr....TOM!!!).  And to go with my good friend TOM, a couple of pounds have come with it.  Yay.  I am going on liquids for the next few days (not that I have had much in the way of solids the last couple days, but I have tried).  I am not sure if I will have a fill next Tuesday or not.

I am pretty tight in the mornings, usually have a protein shake for breakfast.  Dinner I usually can eat most anything and more than I feel like I should be able to.  My problem has been lunch.  If I have a problem it is usually lunch and I am wondering if I need to be eating softer protein?  I am also still getting hungry between meals (well, until this week).

Sometimes I just hate being a girl.  I feel like I only get two "normal" weeks during the month to really judge my restriction.   Grrrrr!

Got my fill (4th?) on Thursday afternoon.  She started out giving me .6cc, the barium was going right through.  She bumped it up to 1cc.  I could feel the barium barely trickling through and sure enough, I looked on the screen and it was just sitting there.  She backed me down to .8cc....everything looked and felt fine with my final gulp of barium.  Even drank some water and it went down just fine.

Fast forward to about 4 hours later.  I had had a few sips of water, but I decided I was going to do a protein shake, go work out, then go shopping for the two days of liquids.  I made my protein shake with nonfat milk (I usually make it with water except when I am only on liquids).....and I got stuck!  It was just sitting there, and then I started sliming and foaming.  I decided I needed some broth or something thin and warm to see if it would go down.  So off to the store I went (I shopped very fast!).  I got home and the broth went down fine, but any water, even room temp, was going very slowly (I could feel the glug...glug...glug). 

I was tempted to call the doc and have him paged to give me a little unfill, but I decided that if I was able to keep taking little sips of water without it coming back up, then I would be ok till morning.  I called the doc the next morning and was able to get  in immediately for a little bit taken out.  Unfortunately I now feel like I didn't get a fill, so back I go again in two weeks to creep on that sweet spot that I keep hearing about ;)

I have had three fills so far; the last one was about a month ago.  My doc wasn't so sure that I needed one then, but I really wanted just a little tweak.  So I got a fill.  The nurse said I was probably at the less full side of restriction. I was doing good until a couple of days later when I developed a lovely cold.  All of that mucus and crap sitting in my pouch.  Talk about tight.  grrr.  I was drinking my spice tea (I always drink it when I am sick....may need to break that habit....it is glorified liquid sugar with some Vitamin C) and was getting stuck routinely.  i was debating about a slight unfill right before Christmas.  Decided to wait it out since it was probably due to the cold.

The cold ended, and then what?....my TOM comes.  Tight again.  Still having problems....I could get things down, and of course the liquids and soft foods go down soooo much better!  But I was still routinely getting stuck.  Sliming often, PBing occasionally, but definitely more than I would like.  I figured, ok, once TOM is over, I will see how tight this really is.

TOM ended, and I could tell I wasn't quite as tight, but still having some food getting stuck.  So then I really started focusing on small bites, chewing really well, and eating slower.  Also paying attention to what foods were giving me trouble. 

You would think after having this thing in me for 4 months I would know what works and what doesn't by now.  But I am still learning.  I went to the doctor on Thursday and let them know I did not need a fill.  I had decided earlier in the week not to get an unfill, and this is why: since I realized I need to practice going back to the bandster basics and really focusing on what and how I eat, I feel like I am really at good restriction.  I can eat my solid protein and it fills me up, as long as I eat it the way I'm supposed to.  I suppose all of this will become second nature to me someday, but right now, I am breaking eating habits that I have established over the last 31 years and it isn't easy.

It isn't easy, but it is good for me.  I am making new habits that will make me a healthier person.  But someday, I just want to feel like the way I eat and the way I think about food is normal.  Right now it is not. 

I am really starting to like working out!  I can see why some people get "addicted" to it.  Some days are definitely easier than others, but I like being able to have the time to myself when I go by myself (I like doing my cardio solo), but I also am going with two of my coworkers for weight training, and I love that too.  It is really motivating.

I've said it in a couple of posts this week that I am amazed at what our bodies, even neglected for many years, can do.  I have hated my body for so long, and I am surprised to find that those feelings are starting to change.  I have a long way to go before I am happy with certain parts of my body and the way they look, but I know my body can do more than it could 6 months ago.