10/18/06  I guess my old profile did not transfer over to this new format.  Here's bits and pieces of my old profile:

January 2006:  I'm 5'6" and weigh 237.  I've been chubby since childhood.  I lost the weight in high school, but put on the "Freshman 15" in a heartbeat when I got to college.  Like most of you, I've tried all the other diet plans out there.  What got me to the point of deciding on weight loss surgery was a degenerative back problem called Spondylosis.  My neurologist said I was way too young to be having this problem.  As he scooted across the room on his doctor's stool it was like a brick hitting me in the head.  My paternal grandmother (the one I take after) scooted around on a doctor's stool in her house.  I can't remember her ever walking (with the exception of a few steps with a walker).  She was checked into a nursing home as her care got to be too much.  I do not want to end up like that.

I can't stand for more than 15 minutes without my back causing serious pain.  For the past two years I've been having steriod injections into my spine.  Those are only a temporary fix, they work for 3 or 4 months and you have to go back for more.  My neurologist told me to loose weight and my back problems would get better.  During my last doctor visit he recommended I go to a surgeon and see about disc replacement.  I've known people who have had back surgery.  It seems like they have one operation and then two or three more operations to fix problems the first surgery created.  It's the lessor of two evils.. bariatric surgery or back surgery.

Jan. 19, 2006.  One week prior to surgery and I'm on the liquid diet.  I feel like I'm starving to death.  I've cheated a couple of times.  My husband is on plan with me.  We both have gained a lot of weight since we got married six years ago.  Since I've stopped cooking, the dogs (4 of them) have even started to lose weight.  Missy, my Bichon Frise, is looking at me like she would like to eat me.  Work is at an all time high stress level.  I have a couple of big loans closing.  I own a mortgage company and several rental properties.  I feel like Atlas and all the weight is on my shoulders.  I am definately a Type A personality.  There are times I wonder why I do this to myself.  I have gone to work sicker than a dog, I put in really long hours, and I have all the symptoms of someone who is stressed to the max.  Anyone have a cure for a Type A personality?

Jan. 24, 2006.  Two days till surgery and I'm getting nervous.  I called my psycho mom and told her I would be in the hospital.  I haven't had much contact with her over the past eight years.  Mom went off the deep end after my step father died nine years ago.  I really wish I had a normal loving mother.  I could use one now.

Jan. 28, 2006.  Had the surgery two days ago.  I would recommend people avoid Abbott Northwestern Hospital unless they can guaranty you a private room.  They stuck me in a room with this little old nasty lady who snored and farted more than the Minnesota Vikings Team combined!  The nurse had to spray air freshner around the room several times during the night.  At 2 am the nurses turned on all the lights in the room to do a blood test on her.  Her breathing machine alarm was going off every 15 minutes.  I finally dosed off around 6 am.  At 7 am she went into arrest.  Half the floor of doctors and nurses crammed into our room.  Somehow the curtain between the beds got pushed open and I'm watching them try to revive her.  Gross.  I finally got up, got dressed and told the nurse, "I need some sleep, I'm going home."  They said I couldn't leave until my doctor checked on me.  My response, "Well ya better get him down here cause I'm out the door, honey."

Dr Chute showed up around 7:30 and brought the hospital administrator down with him to apologize.  Chute said the administration decided to use the increase in budget to raise the paychecks of the administrators rather than provide more private rooms to patients.  Isn't that special!  In addition, I never once saw those nurses wash their hands.  I'm sorry, but I would have to advise all of you to avoid Abbott Northwestern Hospital.  I was extremely upset over the whole episode.  They gave me all these privacy forms to sign, but the moment you check into your room YOU HAVE NO PRIVACY.  I would have been happier staying at a Motel 6, the rooms are cleaner and quieter than at Abbott.

Jan 31, 2006.  I got really sick after getting home from the hospital.  I accidently drank a Carnation Instant Breakfast that wasn't sugar free.  I experienced my first episode of dumping.  I was puking my guts out and very nervous that I was going to tear open my stitches.  I called the doctor's office.  One of the other doctors who was on call returned my call.  It was very obvious to me that he was not going to ruin his Saturday by meeting me in emergency.  Not that I would have gone back to Abbott Northwestern anyway.  I decided despite vomitting over a dozen times and running a 102 tempature, I would rather just die at home.

I went to my first Renewal meeting.  Everyone there couldn't believe I had just had surgery 5 days ago.  In retrospect, after attending a few of their meetings I decided it wasn't the group for me.  There is a big difference between the patients who started this process when they weigh more than 300 pounds and those of us who were under 250 (the lightweights as they refer to us).  I got the impression, "what are you doing here?"  Thinking back, I realized that those who are over 300 probably have had a much more different experience in life than me.  They haven't fit into airplane seats, they don't go to amusement parks, they have people make snears behind their backs, they miss out on job opportunites because of their weight.  I was always chunky but never discriminated against because of my weight.  Hell, half the women in Minnesota are a size 16.  Size 20 isn't that big here!

Feb. 4, 2006.  Eight days post op.  Not sleeping well.  I'm feeling restless but not 100%.  More like 60%.  We're in the middle of winter and I'm getting cabin fever sitting around the house.  I spent the day having complete conversations with each of the 4 dogs, including the one who is deaf!  Time to go back to Florida!

Feb. 8, 2006.  Had my two week checkup with my doc.  I'm only down 16 pounds in 30 days.  The weight is coming off my face first.  I am having the worse case of HEAD HUNGER you can imagine.  Craving potato chips, Burger Kings whoppers.  Every food commercial on TV is making it worse.  I didn't realize how many food commercials are on TV until now.  Chute moved me up to the soft food diet.  Damn, that cottage cheese and tuna salad taste good!

My whole menstrual cycle is out of wack.  I missed one whole month.  One of the Renewal members said that after it returned to normal I would probably see a bigger weight loss.

Feb. 17, 2006.  Hello from Marco Island.  The weather is GREAT.  I couldn't have picked a better week.  It's 4 degrees in Minneapolis!  We're staying at the Marco Island Beach Ocean Resort.  It's wonderful.  I've stayed at some nice hotels before but this place is VERY nice.  The property is beautiful, the staff is exceedingly friendly, and the beach is long and white!

For the past couple of years, we've been out of town for February 20th.  This marks the 4th anniversary of our baby, Angel, dying.  After a year of infertility treatment, I finally got pregnant.  Everything seemed fine until the doctor ran a "triple screen" blood test.  I'll never forget the call from my OB/GYN.  She said it's Trisomy 18.  I didn't know what that was.  All she said was, "it's fatal."  I can't remember a worse time in my life.  I sunk into a very deep depression.  My psychiatrist put me on Loranzapam.  I wrote a suicide note and told everyone that Angel needed her mama in heavan to watch out after her. 

The next six months were a blurr.  I was heavily medicated.  I was eating Krispy Kreams by the dozen.  I would go to work and surf the net all day looking for information on Trisomy 18 trying to figure out why she died.  I gained 30 pounds.

Eating on vacation has proved to be a challenge.  Two mornings in a row I've had scrambled eggs and toast.  I barely made it to the bathroom the last time.  I also tried a prepackaged peanut butter and crackers.. not good.  I'm wondering if I made the right decision about weight loss surgery.  I look at everything and think, "is this going to make me puke?"  Am I going to spend the rest of my life eating refried beans and cottage cheese?

To top it off, I'm watching my husband eat all the fried foods they serve here in Florida along with several cocktails and then he had the nerve to make a snide remark about my eating a low fat graham cracker.  I BIT his head off.  He's in the bedroom sulking.  What a jerk.  I am puking up a least once a day and feel like shit.  I don't need his two cents worth.  If my prenup hadn't run out a year ago he'd be history.  Now I'd have to write him a huge check to make him go away.

Feb. 25, 2006.  I'm off the plateau.  I'm down 23 pounds.  I finally got my period and the scale started moving.  I tried some solid foods last night, meatloaf and mashed potatos from Boston Market.  IT STAYED DOWN!!  The head hunger continues.  I'm okay shopping at Cub.  There is nothing that appealing there.  But the moment I step into Lunds or Byerlys (upscale grocer) I have problems.  My husband was right (I hate when I have to admit that!) I'm a food junkie.  Now my biggest problem is dealing with my head issues.  I have an appointment to see my therapist next week.

Mar. 8, 2006.  My therapist recommended I read "Exodus from Obesity" and I also picked up "Gastric Bypass Surgery" by Dr. McGowen.  The head hunger has gotten better now that I'm on solids.  I'm still puking if I eat too fast or eat the wrong thing. It's hard to adjust to only dishing up 2 tablespoons of food.  I'm also having problems getting in all the water.  I'm just not thirsty.

The weight loss is finally showing.  People are coming up and commenting about the weight loss.  I've had to throw out all the size 20 jeans.  I hope to start the spring wardrobe at size 14. Total weight loss so far:  28 pounds.  9 more pounds and I'll be in Onederland!

March 12, 2006.  I broke down and bought a new pair of jeans.  I had to, the old ones were falling off.  Size 16.  The tummy is not going away.  I could have fit into a size 14 if it weren't for my buddha belly.  The adoption agency is coming for a home visit.  I spent 5 hours cleaning carpets yesterday, we live in a BIG house.  I couldn't believe my back didn't hurt up until the last 1/2 hour.  That's amazing, a couple of months ago I would have been in pain after the cleaning the first room. I'm starting to feel hungry again.  I bought some sugar free cookies and they go right down.  That could be dangerous.

March 22, 2006.  201!  Same weight as my wedding day.  I tried on my wedding dress and it looked great.  My husband was impressed.  I'm still having problems keeping food down.

March 26, 2006.  The last few days seem like a blurr.  My favorite dog, Harry, the stuborn 15.5 year old cockapoo got sick.  I knew it was serious when he wouldn't eat a Dairy Queen.  That's his favorite.  I was begging him to eat it.  A couple of hours later he was in Emergency Vet services.  His regular vet was booked solid.  He spend 24 hours there.  When I went to pick him up they said it didn't look good.  They suggested putting him down.  I couldn't bring myself to do it.  They gave him another dose of fluids under his skin and sent me home with a "Deepest Condolences" letter.  They predicted he had another 72 hours to live.  I brought him home and hand fed him ice chips to keep him hydrated.  I wanted him to die here at home with his playmates and his parents at his side.  The other dogs all knew something was wrong when they saw mommy laying on the floor next to Harry crying my eyes out.

My psycho mother use to always buy me puppies and then a year or two later they'd be gone.  Then she would turn around a go buy another puppy a couple of months later.  I swore that when I grew up I would get a dog she couldn't "dispose" of.  That was Harry.

The hospital just called.  My overweight brother just had a heart attack and is being prepped for a quadrupple bypass.  Welcome to the family high cholesterol and heart problems.  Funny thing is, I thought you had to have a heart before you could have a heart attack.  Apparently not.  I would rather stay here with Harry then go visit my brother.

24 hours later and both patients are still alive.  My brother survived the surgery.  I got Harry into his regular vet and she pumped him full of antibotics and fluids.  His liver test came back so high their equipment wouldn't read them.  I felt like a bad mama.  I had given him some milk late the night before he got sick and he didn't finish it so it sat out overnight.  He must have finished it the next morning.  That was the only thing I could think of that set off the acute case of pancreatitis (sp?). I surfed the internet looking for cures.  I'm going to try Milk Thistle.  It's suppose to be good for your liver.

I guess I wasn't ready mentally for Harry to pass.  I know he's old.  Two of my friends just put their dogs down and they were the same age as him.  I want Harry buried in our pet cemetary.  There is a trellis down there with a marble bench and it overlooks the pond in our back yard.  It's a pretty and calming spot.  Angel, our baby who died at birth, her ashes are down there.  My father, who died when I was 14, his old mailbox my uncle found a year ago with his name on it, is down there.  My favorite bunny, Bugs Bunny, is down there.  I want them to be close.  I can go down there and talk to them.

Normally I would have shoved my mouth full of food during this crisis. This time I didn't even want to eat.  I had to force myself to take a couple of bites.  Which leads me to the other big news...

198!!!  Welcome to ONEDERLAND!!

April 3, 2006.  I knew it had to happen.  Plateau Time.  At least it didn't start till after I went under 200.  I've been reading other member's sites and apparently a stall at two months is typical.  I was use to going down 1/2 pound a day.  The good news is that I bought a pair of jeans in Size 14.. DAMN THEY LOOK SMALL.  The tummy is the problem.  Welcome to my family tree.. It's an APPLE TREE not a PEAR TREE.

I'm getting restless.  Maybe it's the yukky weather so cold and rainy.  Maybe it's being married to a slug.  If you want to find my husband, just look for the remote!  I'm bored.  I want to start living again.

April 11, 2006.  I'm bouncing back and forth between 195 and 196.  The weather has improved.  Harry Dog is still alive.  Tried to eat Buffalo Wings.. not good.

April 22, 2006.  The scale finally moved!  Weighted in at 191.5 this morning.  Harry Dog's liver test came back normal today.  Must have been that Milk Thistle.  The antibotics weren't helping much.  I called the Emergency Vet Clinic and told them they were WRONG.  Harry is still alive.  So much for their 72 hours.

I'm going out to celebrate and buy myself a new outfit.  Everything in my closet is baggy.

April 28, 2006.  A new decade.. 189!!  I'm half way to goal.  I took Harry Dog to the vet to have his teeth cleaned.  Now his kidney's are giving out.  I went surfing the net again to see if there was anything I could do.  There is an ingredient in Mallox that helps kidney function so I'm going to try that.  These vet bills are racking up.  I've spend $3500 in the past 12 months.  Hope the other 3 mutts don't get sick.

May 11, 2006.  I spoke to soon.  Now Missy Dog is sick.  She looked like she was dropping weight but I attributed that to the fact that I am no longer cooking.  We rushed her into Emergency Vet Services.  The vet just came out and said she didn't think Missy would make in thru the night.  She had dropped from 19 pounds to 13 pounds.  You can feel the ribs and bones just sticking out.  Steve started to cry.  Missy Dog is his favorite.  After 48 hours in Emergency I transfered her over to her regular vet.  We drop her off in the morning at 7 am and pick her up at 5:30 pm every day.  After three days they finally think they have her stabalized.  She had the same thing as Harry Dog, Pancreatitis (sp?).  Unfortunately they also discovered her blood sugar was in the 400s.  She now officially diabetic.  Two insulin shots a day for the rest of her life.  The upside, if there is one, is that the test for Cushings Disease came back negative.

It's official.  I am no longer OBESE.  My BMI is 29.8!!

People are coming up to me and telling me I look great.  They call me "Slenderella" and yell out, "Hey Skinny".  My new size 14 jeans are lose.  My only complaint is that I'm feeling extremely tired.  I know I'm not getting in enough fluids.  My blood test from my 3 month check up were fine, except my cholesterol is 262.  That was not a fasting blood check.  I need to have it done again in a couple of months.  When I called my cousins to tell them my brother was in the hospital I discovered they were all on Lipitor.  It must run in the family.  My father died from clogged arteries at age 45.

May 26, 2006.  It's my 4 month anniversary.  I'm down 57 pounds.  Current weight 180.  The weight loss is really beginning to show in my face.  I bumped into two people who had not seen me since pre op.  The boat dealer kept staring at me.  He was about to ask me for ID before I hauled off our new jet ski, but then he saw my husband.  He remarked that he always had a good recognition of faces but I didn't look like the same woman he met at the boat show in January.  My dental hygenist almost had whiplash.  She said it must be a new hair cut.  It's the fat off the face, honey!!

I'm having problems with PMS.  I want to eat all the time.  I took 2 potato chip samples they were handing out at the grocery store.  Big mistake.  High fat content gives me diahrea.  I watched a Dr Phil episode where he told the guy to suck it up and call his elderly mother because despite all the hell she had caused in his life, mom probably wasn't going to be around forever.  So for mother's day I called Psycho mom.  She acted like nothing ever happened and she was so happy to hear from me.  I can't tell you all the horrible things she has said and done to me over the past 2 decades.  She started out being a good mom when I was a kid.  I think it was about the time she hit menopause that she started in with the Dr. Jekle Mr. Hyde and paranoia behavior.  I've spend hours in therapy getting over my sister's suicide, my father's sudden death after we had a huge argument, and my mother's psycho behavior.

On the fertility front:  I'm giving up on the adoption agency we just spend a small fortune to sign up with.  We found another surrogate.  This is #3.  The first one was in Las Vegas.  She had a miscarriage and then the insurance fell apart, and she submitted a shit load of receipts (including one for Bed, Bath & Beyond for new towels) which really pissed me off.  The second surro could never get pregnant.  Let's hope #3 is a charm.

June 8, 2006.  Size 12 jeans!  Wow!!

June 17, 2006.  Really struggling with eating.  Weight stuck at 173 all week.

June 22, 2006.  My sister, the shrink, called.  She said mom is having "cognitive impairment" problems.  She is loosing her memory.  I stopped up for visit and she looked like hell.  She's aged a lot and gained weight.  I hadn't seen her in four years.  She disowned me eight years ago over the fact that I wouldn't lend a woman who had just filed bankruptsy $90,000 so she could buy a new condo.  My mother, "Shop till you Drop".

June 26, 2006.  Weight 171.  Seventeen more pounds and I'll be in the "normal" BMI category.

June 29, 2006. Size 10 jeans..snug but they zipped up!!  And our new surro is pregnant.  I'm going to be a mama in March.

July 7, 2006.  I HAD MY PSYCHO MOM COMMITTED TO HENNEPIN COUNTY PSYCH UNIT.   One side of me was so happy.  It's like revenge.  Be nice to your children or they'll have you locked up!!  My husband and I took her in for a doctor's appointment and she went ballistic.  The doc talked to my sibs and signed a paper for a 72 hour hold, but since weekends don't count, she'll be in there for 5 days.  The police had to haul her back in a squad car after her 2nd escape attempt.

They ran a bunch of tests including an MRI.  Mom has micro vascular disease in the brain and multi infarct.  In layman terms, her atteries in her brain have clogged up slowing the blood flow and she's had some minor brain strokes.  Doctor said given her pre existing personality disorder and now the Dementia, she would be difficult to treat.  They put her on Aricept for her memory.  It still doesn't address the underlying psych problems and the paranoia only seems to be getting worse.

July 12, 2006.  Stuck on a plateau again.  Current weight 168.  I'm grazing all the time.

July 19, 2006.  Weight still stuck at 167.  The sick dogs have stabalized.  Missy dog's blood sugar in back within normal range.  I just booked vacation to Europe.  We're going to Prague, Budapest, and then to Transylvania for the "Dracula Tour".

July 30, 2006.  Hello from Budapest.  I must have thought that if you leave the country the eating rules no longer apply.  Wrong.  I'm paying the price.  I have the worse case of diahrea ever.  Not even the immodium is stopping it.  I think the conversion is 2.2 pound per kilo, so I figured I weigh 162.

August 6, 2006.  We're home from vacation.  They lost our luggage, Easter (pet bunny) was dead in the doorway, and my bathroom floor was flooded.  I just felt like crying.  The diahrea lasted for 12 days.  I feel completely dehydrated.  We walked in the door and when Steve saw the dead bunny he started screaming at me.  It's all my fault the bunny died.  The pet sitter was leaving for vacation the day before we came back so I told her to leave Easter out of the cage.  Easter had hurt her back going thru the doggy door.  The sitter took her to the vet and the vet told her to leave Easter in a carrier kennel so her back could heal.  So it's all my fault that I told the sitter to let her out.  Easter looked like she was trying to get thru the doggy door and couldn't make it.  She died right there.  She wasn't even stiff when we found her. Truth be told, six years old is a full life expendency for a rabbit, and I wasn't that upset she died.  She had bitten me several times just out of the clear blue.  Not my favorite bunny.  But what upset me was that my husband was more concerned about a dead rabbit then his very sick wife.  Nothing you can do for the rabbit, it's already dead.  But his wife needed to go to urgent care and he didn't even suggest it.  Pet cemetary funeral planned for tomorrow.  Oh, and to top it off, our surrogate called.  She had a miscarriage while we were on vacation.  I decided to take another week off work to recover from the vacation.

August 14, 2006.  OH MY GOD!  A new decade.  159.5!!  I'm going in next week to have my front ten top teeth capped.  New teeth to go with the new bod.  I'm seeing one of the top cosmetic dentists in town to go HOLLYWOOD.  I've had crummy teeth my whole life.  I haven't smiled in photos for the past couple of years because they look so horrible.  In those make over shows they always put DaVince veneers on and the people look so wonderful afterwards.

August 23, 2006.  Had my six month checkup a month late.  Weighted 156 with my clothes on.  I haven't weight this since college.  I'm starting to wonder if my psycho mom isn't faking the dementia.  She seems to have "selective" memory.  Just like my dogs who have "selective" hearing.  I'm really pissed off at my sibs.  Here my mother disowned me 8 years ago and we've hardly spoken and now my sibs think they can dump her problems on me.  Laurie do this, Laurie do that.  My limosine liberal sister won't even agree to let mom go up to her cabin to visit her so I can have a couple of days off.  "I have plans and mom would be in the way".  Typical liberal, they think of how everything ideally should be but then don't roll up their sleeves to help.  I want a DNA test.  I think the hospital made a mistake and sent me home with the wrong family.  There is no way I could be related to a family of democrats and two parents who were high school drop outs.  I'm a died in the wool Republican and in Mensa.  Someone please tell me I'm not related!

August 30, 2006.  I'M THERE BABY!  24.8 BMI.  WEIGHT 154.

Sept. 5, 2006.  I'm having a really bad PMS week.  It seems like the closer I get to menopause, the worse the PMS has become.  I found out I can eat sugar now.  That's a bad thing.  To me, sugar is like cocaine.  I get hooked so easy.

Sept. 20th, 2006.  Happy Birthday to me!  Eeh gad, only 2 more years till the big 5-0.  I'm thinking about all the plastic surgery I can line up before that big birthday.  I am not going turn 50 without a fight!  The down side of loosing the weight off my face is that the excess stretch out skin has turned to wrinkles.  I definately could use a face lift.  And that BIG nose that kind of blended in with that fat face, well now it sticks out big time.  Not to mention my sagging belly and butt.  My hair is coming out by the brush load.  I've had it cut shorter to try to make it look fuller.  I bought the Nioxon shampoo and conditioner but it doesn't seem to be helping.  If this keeps up I'm going to be as bald as my husband!

Oct. 14, 2006.  I'm down 90 pounds to 147 and size 8 jeans!  Here's the latest in photos.  This was taken at Harry's 16th Birthday party.  Don't tell his vet about the Hot Dogs and DQ.  He's suppose to be on a low protein diet for his kidneys.  Hey, even convicted murderers get their last meal.  I'm shocked he's lived 7 months after the emergency vets wrote him off for dead.  He is really going down hill.  He can't see (despite 2 cateract surgeries), he's deaf, he's peeing in the house.  I kind of wish he would just die peacefully in his sleep.  I don't have the heart to have him put down.

Oct. 26, 2006.  9 month anniversary, current weight 146.5, down 90.5.  My life is so hectic now.  My neurologist said I'm not sleeping again because of the stress in my life.  I'm on 2 Xanax a day.  I went back to work full time just before Labor Day.  We're entering busy season for commercial lending.  My butthead brother caused a big scene at my mom's bank and now they have frozen all her accounts till someone gets them a letter saying she was legally competant to have signed the power of attorney.  Her checks are bouncing.  She behind in payments.  She was kicked out of adult day care because the check bounced.  They had been administering her meds and now she doesn't have anyone to remind her to take them.  Life is a mess.  I wake up at 2 am every night thinking about all the crap that's happening.  My doc is worried that I'll keel over from a heart attack.  I need to figure out a new Plan B.  My weight is stuck at 146.5.  I'm back to grazing.

Nov. 3, 2006.  Stuck on a plateau. 146 and holding. Bought a size Small pair of sweat pants and they fit!  Pretty much any food with the exception of barbeque sauce agrees with me.  It's weird how tastes change.  I was a die hard sushi eater before surgery.  Now it doesn't even appeal to me.  I never cared much for cottage cheese but now it's a staple.  I would still like to get down to 137 so I can say I dropped 100 pounds.  We'll see.  According to the weight calculator on this website, my ideal weight is 142.  I'm almost there.  I'm also big boned.  I still have flab around my mid section. 

Nov. 9, 2006.  I can't believe my own eyes!  Size 6 pants!!  A little snug, but they zip up!

Nov. 18, 2006.  143.. only 1 more pound till my "ideal weight".  My waist line has gone from 44 inches to 32 inches.  I really need that tummy tuck.  It's sag city.

Nov. 27, 2006.  10 month anniversary.  Down 95 pounds to 142.  Feeling good.  Update on Harry Dog:  he went to his vet and had several blood tests.  They ruled out Addison's disease.  It's definately his kidneys that are shot.  He's loosing weight, his heart rate has slowed, his potasium level is very high.  He's not eating well.  Dr Reed normally never gives up on her patients, but finally concluded that there is nothing more she can do for him given his age and all of his medical conditions.  I hope he makes it till Christmas but I've come to accept the fact that the end is probably near.  He won't eat the special diet she put him on so I give him whatever makes him happy and he'll eat.  In dog years he's over 100.  If I live to be a 100 I want to eat whatever makes me happy too!  Even if it shortens my life span a month or two.

Dec. 2, 2006.  A new decade.. 139!!!  I'm so stressed out at work I don't even eat.  2 more and I'll be down a whole century.

Dec. 16, 2006.  Weight bounced back up to 141.  New stress, Harry Dog is on his final days.  Going to all extremes with his vet to keep him alive thru Christmas.  Broke down in tears on Thursday.  Had my own little pity party out at the family cemetary for an hour crying, screaming, talking to the dead.  Only difference between Harry and my dad and daughter Angel, is that Harry is actually dying from old age.  My dad died at age 45, Angel died at birth.  Harry is 16, which is older than dirt in dog years.

My periods keep getting further and further apart.  I think this is menopause.  Still have cravings before my expected period date.

Dec. 23, 2006.  Stressed to the max.  Weight at 142.  Eating way too many sweets.  Looks like Harry is going to make it till Christmas.  He spent the last 3 days at the vet on IVs for fluids and antibotics.  It's costing me a small fortune, but I couldn't bear the thought of him dying just before Christmas.  It's worth it.  I love that little mutt.

Tuesday my mother called all distressed over unpaid bills.  Well Fargo has not lifted the freeze on her accounts.  Wanted me to bail her out.  Thursday my sister called in tears saying she was in financial staights (again).  I prompty said no to both requests.  There is a court hearing on Jan 3rd to straighten out my mother's problems.  And for my dead beat sister, I reminded her she never repaid that last loan.  That was 9 years ago and it's been festering inside me all this time.  Every time I hear they've taken a vacation, bought a new car, sent their kid to one of the most expensive private colleges in the country.. it's been eating me up inside.  Truthfully, I rather spend the money on the 16 year old mutt than a family member.  Sad, but true.  He's always been there for me.  They have done nothing but shit on me.  Still a little bit in side feels guilty about not helping them out.  I have the money.  In fact, my bank accounts are over flowing at the moment due to a good couple of months of commissions.  It's just the whole point, shit on me and then come ask me for money.  Especially my sister who never repaid the last loan.  Fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me! 

December 27, 2006.  It is with heavy heart that I report Harry Dog passed at 5:15 pm on December 26th.  He was the best little mutt a mama could have.  I miss him so much.  He had a stroke around 2:30.  The vet came to our house to end his suffering.  He was in his mama's arms surrounded by those who loved him most.

Jan 12, 2007.  Weight back down to 139. Finally got my period.  My mom said her only symptom of menopause was that she became extremely bitchy.  Oh man, I am her daughter.  I'm already there.  0 to bitch in nano seconds. Stress level still high.  Had the 2nd court hearing over guardianship for mom.  My brother showed up.  My sister turned on me after I said NO to her last request for another loan.  So it's my brother, sister, 2 lawyers for their side, 2 social workers on their side, and 2 guardians all against just me.  My old lawyer bailed on me.  Has too many personal issues going on in her own life.  Hired a new lawyer the day before the hearing.  The judge granted us another continuance till next week.  I think my letter to him got him thinking.  The odds are not in my favor, but I had the sense that the judge was looking at me and saying with his eyes, "give me a reason to let you have guardianship."  I have a lot of conflicted feelings going on inside of me.  But it boils down to she's still my mother and do I want to feed her to the wolves.  If they rule against me, I just have to come to terms with it.  I'll take a six month hiatias from the family and re group.

If there is one positive note, it's that my husband has been incredibily supportive of me lately.  He's backing me 100% on whatever I decide is best to do with mom.  I guess he's ok after all!  Besides, he's lookin pretty damn good now that he's lost 75 pounds!!

Jan. 20, 2007.  Current weight 138.  Only 6 more days till my 1 year surgery anniversary. 

It's been a crazy year.  I almost regret calling my mom on mother's day.  Look at all the stress and aggrivation it's brought into my life.  At 2 pm the day before the guardianship trial my new lawyer bailed on me.  Took my money and then did a 180.  Said it was best if she was awarded to the county.  It's caused huge divide in my family.  At this point, I never want to speak to any of them ever again.  My old shrink said at the core of a dysfuntional family you will have a parent trying to alienate children from each other to take away the focus from the bad parent.  Mom did exactly that.  We're all pissed off at each other.  In a way, I'm not sorry.  I did everything I could.  Plus on Monday we had some good news.  I'm holding off telling anyone for another 3 months.  But that with my mother would have put me over the edge.  I have already had one nervous breakdown when I was 30.  Don't ever want to be in that position again.  My neurologist is very concerned about my stress level and my family history of heart problems.  It's time to really focus on taking care of myself.

I'm offically down 99 pounds.  There isn't much more weight to loose.  I'm 4 pounds below my "ideal weight".  Other than vomitting quiet frequently, all has gone well.  No major complicatins.  I had the bottom 10 teeth capped this week.  They look great.  Most of the enamel had worn away.  They were crooked and very badly stained.  Now my whole mouth looks HOLLYWOOD.  I also realized you get what you pay for when it comes to denistry.  My cosmetic dentist pointed out what horrible work my previous dentists have done.  Major decay under realitively new crowns because they were never properly fitted.  I plan on going in for consults with a couple of plastic surgeons over the next month or two.  First I'm going for a nose job and a face lift (all the weight loss in my face left behind wrinkles galore).  Then this summer I'm think I'll do the "brazilian butt lift" and a tummy tuck.  May even do a boob job.  Not that they look bad, but they are definately in need of a lift.

Jan. 26, 2007.  Happy 1 year anniversary!!  Weight stable at 138.

 June 18, 2007.  It's been six months since I last updated.  Weight has been stabalized around 140 to 142 depending on the day of the month.  I still vomit once and awhile.  This weekend I ate too much and it came back up.  Seems like I can eat a lot more than before.  Some foods still make me really sick.. anything with heavy chocolate (like a chocolate shake I took a couple sips and got really sick).  The body fat is shifting around.  My butt isn't as small as it was 6 months ago.  I'm wearing size 8 pants consistently.

Haven't spoken to my family since January.  Don't miss them at all.  Who needs that stress!

The other big news.. we're having a baby boy!!  We went back to surrogate #3 and tried again.  Baby is due in September.  I'm excited.  Trying to get the house ready in addition to doing rehab at a rental property and working full time this summer at the mortgage company.  I've decided to go part time after the baby comes.  I'm not sure how that will pan out, but I'm not going to be able to keep up at the current pace.  Something has to go.  I'm playing it by ear.  One side is going to miss working, but the other side says the stress level is killing me.  Who knows, if I only live another 30 years will I ever look back and wish I would have worked more?  Probably not.  Going to miss spending money like it's water.  Don't know what I'll do all day especially during the winter months being cooped inside the house.  We'll see.  I'm just going to take it one day at a time.

August 27, 2007.  My weight is up to 146.  I've been eating baked goods.. cookies, pastries, etc.  Not good.  My sweet tooth was always my downfall.  Baby is due in three weeks, but given the size, I think he'll come early.  We have the nursery put together and have a little MN Viking outfit to take him home in.  The mortgage industry is in complete meltdown.  Steve got laid off July 1st.  He's making a half ass attempt to find another job.  Everything he does is half ass.  It's getting old.  Spoke with his former boss and he also said Steve lacks initiative.  I don't know if it's depression or just lazy.  If it weren't for the baby coming in a couple of weeks, I'd leave him.  He acts like he's 80 years old.  He's going deaf.  I have to repeat myself 3 times every time I say something.  I tell him something and it goes in one ear and out the other.  All in all, I just would rather be alone than married to him.

My mortgage company is slow.  It's difficult even finding an investor to place some of my commercial loans with.  I feel like getting on a plane and going somewhere.... and never looking back.  Just start a new life.

September 30, 2007.  The baby is here!!  Welcome to the world Alexander.  Born 9/10/07.  Weight 8 lbs 6 oz.  He looks like daddy.

Running up and down steps must be good excerise.  I'm down to 144.  Alex sleeps all day, parties all night.  Sleep depreviation is setting in.  I started a new med and it's killing my stomach.  Feels like ulcers to me.  

December 10, 2007.  My weight is back up to 147.  Not happy about the gain.  It just crept on over Thanksgiving week.  Quantity wise, I can eat more than ever before.  I ended up going in to have my stomach scoped after I threw up blood.  Must have been that Chantix.  It was too hard on my stomach.  Test turned out fine.  The damage must have healed up.

I haven't had a menstraul period since September.  This must be menopause.  Feeling bloated.  Tired all the time.

Baby Alex is doing well.  He's gotten big.  He's almost 3 months and already up to 14 pounds.  Steve is still not working so he's at home playing Mr. Mom.  It's a source of aggrevation.  I thought I would finally could bag the mortgage biz and all the stress that comes with it and stay home with baby.  But one of us has to be working.  Hopefully the tables turn one of these days.  Either that or I work until I die.  I was so pissed off that he wasn't even looking for a job that I took the baby and left one weekend.  The mortgage industry is still in complete meltdown and getting worse.  My income is less than 1/2 of normal.  I'm bringing on a couple of other loan officers to see if they can boost the production.

January 26, 2008 - Two Year Anniversary

Just had my 2 year anniversary check up.  My weight is up to 148.  All blood tests came back normal except I'm dehydrated.  Too little in non caffinated beverages.

Baby Alex is doing well.  He's 4 months, starting to teeth and up to almost 15 pounds.  Acts like we never feed him.  Eats non stop.  Started him on thinned out rice cereal to fill him up more.

Missy dog was diagnoised with breast cancer this week.  The vet thinks it's already spread to her lungs.  The xray showed some spots.  She was given six months or less to live.  It's sad.  But given her diabetes, cataracts, and the fact that she's almost 12 makes me not want to spend thousands of dollars in prolonging her life a few more months.  Steve is still unemployed.  The mortgage biz is picking up but my income is very erratic, and the fact that we've spent thousands having this baby I don't feel like I can justify draining my savings account to support this dog.  Feeling guilty about that decision.

Still feeling very depressed.  I tried to think back on my life to when there was a period that I was happy.  I couldn't name one time.  Short of a major life style change, I don't know what would bring happiness into my life.

May 10, 2008.  Alex is 8 months old and really getting big.  He started crawling two weeks ago and is into everything. Steve and I separated about a month ago.  It's really tough being a single mom.  Sitter problems, me getting sick and being rung out and still having to tend to his needs.  The only good side is that I actually want to come home after work instead of dreading it.  Steve is still unemployed and depressed and was miserable to live with.  I was walking on egg shells every night.  I retreated to my bedroom to watch TV just to avoid him.  My weight has been between 148 and 150.  Hope to loose some of that 10 pounds I put on this summer.