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Wedding cupcakes on August 12, 2012 3:07 pm
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I had posted a while back about how I had a weird thing about making cupcakes (not eating them, just making them) and a believe I also mentioned that I did the cupcakes for a friend's wedding back in July.
Well I finally had the time to upload the pictures from my camera to the computer so here are some pictures of how they turned out, since I remember someone asking to see them.
There is also a picture from at the wedding and a recent party with some friends.
My sister and I at the reception
At a friend's house party, crystal light makes my mouth red... lol
That's all, hope everyone is doing well!
Year surgiversary (late) and adventures in... on June 17, 2012 12:23 pm
It seems that time has gotten away from me! I apologize for not posting nearly as often as I should and not being more of a presence on this board. I do still read most posts every few days when my life simmers down enough for me to have "me time". I do spend more time over in the maintenance group these days, but I am still around, even if it's not as much as it once was.
I celebrated my one year surgiversary on May 31st and have spent the last couple months trying to figure out maintenance. While I knew that it wouldn't be easy, I don't know that I ever expected it to be this hard. In weight loss, I found a routine. I knew what was allowed, what wasn't allowed. I knew exactly what I needed to do to keep myself in check, keep losing and be successful. I can honestly say that the transition into maintenance has been a struggle. I've been having issues reaching carb and calorie goals most days and have continued to lose weight. My "final" goal weight was 145 lbs. I'm currently sitting at 135 lbs as of this morning (up a pound from my lowest weight).
I never intended to lose quite this much. Don't get me wrong, I'm still well within normal BMI ranges and doing well health wise, but I do not want to get any smaller. I have been having friends tell me with concerned looks on their faces that, "You're getting too small! I'm worried about you, eat a sandwich!" etc. And quite frankly, I'm concerned at how bony I'm starting to look!
I've changed a hell of a lot in the last year. I'm 195 lbs lighter for starters. I'm starting to realize that I have a lot of work to do on me... Not just the physical (though there is that as well!) but especially the emotional. I have body image issues that I need to confront, I have confidence issues that I need to work on and I need to be comfortable just being ME and accepting that girl for who she is. Whoever that happens to be.
All that being said, I'm incredibly happy with where my VSG and the journey that it started has taken me. I look a hell of a lot better. I'm healthier, which was the ultimate goal. And as far as I'm concerned, the happier part is ALWAYS a work in progress.
So, if you made it through the babble I've just laid out, thank you for all the continued support. It's been a hell of a ride! As always, I don't know where I would be if I hadn't had OH for support, answers to questions and the immense amounts of info I gathered from the forums. So for that, thank you!
And now, for the fun stuff... pictures!
At dinner with a friend, I make crazy faces... it's just who I am
Out celebrating a friend's birthday
Celebrating my one year surgiversary! And my first drink in over a year...
All of my tequila is gone! ::Sad Panda::
And... I'm a cheap drunk, lol
Lots of love everyone!
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My birthday, road trip and finals on May 3, 2012 2:57 am
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This has been a crazy couple weeks!
I turned 25 on April 29th, crazy that this is the one birthday I've ever had (in memory) that when I considered all the things I want to accomplish in the next year that I didn't think to myself, "it's time to lose weight". NSV of sorts I suppose. However, some things I do want to accomplish in the next year are keeping on with my New Years Resolution to take better care of myself overall, run a race for my friend Joe that passed away, start taking ballet classes and get closer to finishing/finish this damn degree!
Speaking of my degree, the last week or so has been that time of semester where I flip out and breakdown about how much I put on my own plate. I generally have a moment or two of crying and the "I can't do this!" stuff, then I tell myself to man up because no one is going to do it for me and get whatever it is finished. It always works out, but not without my "what the hell have I gotten myself into" moment. Anyway, as of an hour ago, I turned in my last paper for the semester and can finally breath for a couple weeks before I do it all over again. 17 credits was a little much this semester so I'm thinking only 15 for the fall. I say it now but I'm full of lies and know I'll be signing up to torture myself WAY MORE than full time come fall, I'm a masocist, apparently.
And lastly, yesterday I took a road trip with my work Boo to see another friend of ours that used to work with us (he moved to California in October) while he was in Fort Wayne. Fort Wayne is about an hour and a half drive from where we are but it was well worth it to see our old work bestie. He hasn't seen me in person since October so he was pretty shocked at how different I look. Infact, he called my tiny several times! LOL, a word I never thought would be associated with me! We went to lunch downtown, hung out for a couple hours to get in some quality bestie time and then dinner with a group of his buddies that are from Fort Wayne. Roadtrip = Super amazing time and a great success. Sad that it had to end...
Anyway, thought I'd share some pictures of my adventures:
One of my best friend's and I on my birthday. I make crazy faces, I know...
My arm looks kinda scary, but rocking the sleeveless look anyway
Love standing next to him, he makes me feel tiny
Armed with my decaf and my Boo with her jet fuel we were ready to go on our adventure!
At dinner with my loves
Anyway, I'm thankful for the opportunities that my sleeve has made reality. I couldn't ask for more, well except some extra money for plastics... but ya know... lol
Hitting Goal and other random stuff on January 26, 2012 1:11 pm
Well kids, today was the day! I woke up and hopped on the scale to find this...
And my reaction:
I had just woken up, please don't judge me on how crazy I look in this picture.
First goal weight reached in just under 8 months. Pretty proud of myself at the moment. So what does this mean for me? Nothing, for right now...
I will be staying on plan for the forseeable future to see where it takes me. MY goal was 160, my surgeon's goal for me is 145. I don't know that I'll ever get to that but I am going to see what happens. I've said from the very beginning of all of this that I wasn't going to obsess over a number, and I didn't. Why start now? The way I see it, I'm going to stay on plan to see where I end up and my body will settle when it's ready. I'm not going to fight my body just so my scale reads a certain number (just not my style).
So what has changed in the last 8 months? I've gone from wearing a snug size 28 to wearing a size 10/12, my boobs have gone from a DDD to a C
, I have given up all the things I thought that I never could/would (soda, potatoes, pasta, rice, bread, alcohol). If you had told me 8 months ago I would prefer a cup of hot tea sweetened with stevia over a diet coke I would have called you a liar, but here I am telling you it's true. I have dated a few different guys that I normally would have never dated before, not because they wouldn't have wanted me, but because I was comfortable enough in my own skin to let them like me. I have had my heart bruised when one of those boys started dating someone else without bothering to mention it to me (found that one out today as a matter of fact) and realized if I am strong enough to have them cut out 80% of my stomach and change my entire life that I am strong enough to walk away with my head high... knowing I'm better than being treated like that. I have learned that being smaller didn't change who I am, it just changed how I look, and some people in my life couldn't handle it... but the ones who could are the ones that are worth having around.
There is so much that I've learned, and that list isn't even half of it! But I wanted to post this so the newbies out there and the people that have struggled or are still struggling know that it's not easy but IT IS doable. You are the one that wakes up every morning and makes the decision to make it happen or not. VSG was not the quick or easy fix, but it made it possible for me to change my life. It's a tool, and when used wisely can change your world in all the right ways.
Much love to all of you for your love and support through everything. Wouldn't have made it here without your love and guidance. XOXO
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Thankful for Thanksgiving and some perspective on November 21, 2011 8:48 am
So about a week ago I was going through some old pictures and found pictures from one of my best friend's wedding. At her wedding I was at my highest weight ever. I'm not sure exactly where I was number wise but I know it was my heaviest. I had just split with my boyfriend of 2 years, lost my job and I was hurting. I look back at that time now and realize I was using food to dull the pain I was going through. I thought I was doing well, but I was slowly killing myself with my actions and didn't even realize it.
Fast forward to almost three years later and I now weigh less than I did the majority of highschool (maybe all of it). Not seeing anyone but I've dated my fair share since splitting with my ex, which now looking back is one of the best things that ever happened to me. I have an incredible job at an amazing company, and I'm happy (for the most part
That's not to say there haven't been struggles. Last night was an incredible struggle. Had a late meeting for work so they had it catered in for us. They got Papa Vino's which if you're not familiar with it is mostly pasta in heavy calorie-laden sauces and bread with dipping oil. I don't eat those things anymore. I had a veggie sausage patty with me and ate that and tried to tell myself that I didn't need anything else. But the smell of the amazing pasta was calling my name. So what did I do? I excused myself from the situation. I got up and walked away because I have worked too damn hard to let some stupid pasta fuck me up.
And that simple action of getting up and walking away for a minute is what hit me as odd. Three years ago, hell, six or seven months ago I would have said, "Oh, a little pasta isn't bad for you!" and eaten a huge portion of that pasta, probably felt stuffed for an hour or so while feeling guilty about what I'd just eaten. I don't do that anymore! I have taken control of myself and my eating. Something I wouldn't have been able to do without my sleeve.
So, this week, while everyone else binges on crazy amounts of food in the "Spirit of the Holidays" I'm going to take a step back and instead of stuffing myself like the turkey most people put on their tables, I'm going to be thankful for the opportunity I've been given at a new life with my sleeve.
Here are some of those pictures from the wedding and then a before and now picture.
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So... you want to know about my journey, which is a story that may be more than what you bargained for! But I'll try to keep it short.
Back in 2005-2006 when I was living in Seattle and going to art school I had a prof that had lap-band and had told me she thought I'd be a great canidate. I was incredibly hurt and promptly told her off for trying to butt into parts of my life she knew nothing about. And then I thought about it for a while and decided that the reason she had mentioned it to me is because she was happy. Happy with what she had done and accomplished and she wanted that for me. So I apologized and explained why it had bothered me so much.
And then I started researching it. Let me explain that I'm the type of person that if I'm going to do ANYTHING I have to research it first. Well, lets say I got slightly obsessive about researching WLS. I wanted to know everything I possibly could before even talking to a doctor. So I researched for nearly 3 years! And then I finally felt ok with what I knew to consult a doctor.
By then I had moved back to Indiana from Seattle (that's a completely different story, but interesting nonetheless... maybe another time) and I consulted the bariatric surgeon nearest me, who happened to have a stellar record. We decided on a RNY and so I started the process of approval for surgery.
Now, let me say that I was probably more surprised than anyone when after doing my 6 month medical weightloss, without much else, insurance said to do it. No fight, no arguements... they just told me to go ahead and do it and they'd cover it. Don't know if you're working with insurance or not, but HOLY SHIT I was excited. That NEVER happens. So we scheduled my surgery for that September so that I would have time to get some other things out of the way before surgery and recovery (what? I don't really remember now). Well, that July my surgeon died. Yeah.... you read that right. Died.
So that kind left me like, "Well, piss. What do I do now?" A couple weeks after he passed his staff sent me my charts and told me that I could go to one of two other programs near by. So I chose the one that had a better rated surgeon and started the process over again. Everything. 6 month medical weightloss again, stupid support classes, NUT appointments... the works. Working with the new surgeon we discussed the possibility of me doing a sleeve instead of RNY which surprisingly without much pushing I decided I was cool with.
And then insurance came back and said that since I was technically out of network they would only go halfsies with me. With the surgeon I was working with a VSG was $50,000. I don't have $25,000 to just be like, ok yeah, lets do that. So, then I was pushed into considering Lap-Band which is absoluetly not what I wanted. So I said dueces to another doctor and decided to look into going to Mexico.
Through OH I met several people who had had surgery in Mexico and had asked all sorts of questions and such. Then I did some more research and decided it was what I wanted to do. I just had to save the money for it. So I did.... which took a while but when I finally got it together I scheduled surgery and did it.
I had my VSG done in Mexico with Dr. Alvarez on the 31st of May.
So that's my story.... LOL. Sorry if it was too much to read.
But they don't call it a journey for nothin' huh?
Now, the rest of my life begins...