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Lighten_Up's Blog
Lighten_Up's Blog

I ain't neva scared...
posted on 2/2/11 1:36 pm
 Until this morning that is! LOL! The truth is.. i've been on this weight loss journey for so long that it wasn't really hitting me that i'm going to be having surgery in 23 days. I've NEVER had surgery before and for whatever reason that fact JUST hit me today! 

Over the last few weeks, this whole surgery thing has turned a corner and finally become a reality. i first started my journey with Cedar's Sinai  in 2008 after multiple failed diet attempts. At that time, i was sure i wanted to have the band because it was reversable, ie; far less permanent.! I remember thinking to myself that i could get over my needle phobia for fills since they wouldn't be that often and that slower weight loss was a good thing. But i now know that for me, i was solely after the band because i would be able to eat just about anything i wanted in moderation. Yet again, even at that juncture, i was sabotaging myself!! I LOVE sweets, and i LIVE for ice cream.  I know my eating habits, and i know myself well enough to know that i would have been sneaking milkshakes and  chocolate coffees into my diet as soon as possible, and convincing myself i had no IDEA why i wasn't losing weight!!.

But lucky for me i was with an insurance company that felt i needed to try one last attempt at losing weight on my own before they would approve my surgery, and in hindsight i agree that i wasn't quite ready! i knew i needed to really address not only my eating habits but also my ability to lose 30 -50 pounds and inability to keep it off. So i joined Cedar's weight management program, and attended weekly group sessions/weigh ins and ate the HMR meals they provided.  I also took it one step further and started weekly individual therapy to address things that potentially triggered my desire for sweets. 

Again, i lost 45 pounds in 6 months and felt i had a system that was working. Once i'd completed the program i was free to resubmit my application to insurance but i felt i had it down and could lose on my own. So for a year, i did nothing and though i was exercising and trying to make better food choices after 4 months or so i started to see myself gaining very slowly but steadily. Of course i panicked and stopped exercising and eating right all together.

At that point, i started researching surgery again and THIS time i knew i wanted not only a weight loss solution but truly a tool that would help me to maintain that loss. I knew my lifestyle would change but obviously after so many failed attempts at maintaining weight loss it needed to. 

So here we are! All fall and winter, i've had appointments and meetings and tests done to verify my candidacy for RNY. My endoscopy uncovered ulcers, so once i treated those and it was determined that i was cleared for surgery i had to wait for my NEW insurance company to validate my candidacy. While i expected it to take weeks, it was literally 1 week and i had my approval!!! I was so excited and relieved that i'd made it through the hoops that I've hardly stopped to consider what this really means!!

I"M HAVING SURGERY ON FEB. 24, which is only 23 days away... Have i done all i can to be prepared mentally, physically, emotionally?! I hope so! But, i still have time to wrap my head around the reality that my surgery date is almost here... but until then, i suppose being a little scared is normal?!


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