To all the healthy and thin people out there that don't understand obesity,

I am a 40 year old morbidly obese woman. I have spent over 30 years of my life overweight and obese. The past several years I have ballooned to becoming morbidly obese. I want to share some things with you that you may not know about me or understand about obesity.

Being obese does not make me blind. I see the looks that you give me. I also see when you look away from me and try to ignore me. I see when you roll your eyes in disgust. I also see your pity. I don't want your pity though. I want to be treated like anyone else. That's all. If you think about it, it's really not much to ask.

Secondly, being obese does not make me deaf. I hear your whispers and snickers. I hear your rude comments even if I choose to ignore them and not respond. I hear the names and the gasps as I walk by. I'm not deaf, just obese.

I, as an morbidly obese person, have feelings. My weight does not add "padding" to my emotions or my soul... just my body. When you are rude to me, I hurt. When you laugh or ridicule me, I cry... maybe not outwardly but deep within. And with every harsh word or action against me, I lose a litte bit more of my self esteem. My self worth plummets. After years of being called every name from "chubby" to "orca" I don't have a lot of self esteem left. Please, don't destroy what little bit I am able to hang on to.

Even though I may smile and seem like a "jolly" person, I am unhappy inside. I may not let you see that part of me. I may hide it for times when I'm alone. But true happiness is something that has slowly dwindled away as I packed the pounds on. I find moments of joy in my life but to say that I am truly happy every day is impossible. It's hard to be happy when you know that you are slowly killing yourself by carrying so much extra weight.

Being obese does not automatically make me a lazy person. My weight sometimes hinders me from doing as much as a healthier person. It doesn't mean that I don't want to get out and exercise or do things, it means that my body won't let me. Some days I stuggle just to get out of bed. I'm not lazy, just in pain. Please don't confuse that.

Obesity does not equal stupidity. I am a smart woman. Unfortunately, over the years, I have formed bad eating habits that have overtaken my will power. I have used food... usually "bad" food... as a crutch. Food has become my comforter. It is the way I celebrate. Food has become my friend. It is a friend that I have not been willing to walk away from. I'm not stupid, just loyal to my friend.

I want you to understand:

I have hopes.
I have fears.
I have feelings. 
I have extra pounds. 
I have wants.
I have needs.
I have curves.
I have the desire to live.
I am on a journey now to make myself healthier. 

Sometimes I wish I had never let myself get to this point but I can honestly say that I am a better person for it. I am more sensitive to other people's feelings. I am more appreciative of my health. I am more in touch with my inner self. I am more determined to get healthy and more importanly, to stay healthy. 

I am a human being.

I am morbidly obese.

I am me.