Lisa H.

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3-02-05
Hey Everyone,
I am reading and reading and thinking. Do I want plastic surgery, well reconstructive surgery. Or can I live with the flabby skin. It isn't as bad as some that I have seen and I truely thank God for that.
I keep trying to get myself to exercise, but so far the motivation is not there. I will try again today...lol.
I was wondering since I am 16mths out if I still will dump and guess what, yesterday I had one of those small hunts snack pack chocolate puddings (I wanted something sweet) and I also ate peanut butter at the same time (thinking that the protein would somehow balance the sugar)....I don't think that was a good idea...I felt so sick....ick....I didn't want to throw up, I hate that mucousy bubble kind of throwing up (sorry for the graphics) so I endured through it. 

It finally moved through my pouch, and I was like thank you Lord. Later on I had a salad with grilled chicken on it, well I had to go and have the chicken on a roll with butter...sick again..you would think I would have learned. So evidently I can still dump on sugar and fats.  So I am going back to basics. And upping my water, i would like to lose 20 more pounds before getting reconstructive surgery, if that is what I am going to do.

Okay I gotta run, but I'll be back later.
Love ya guys,
Lisa  lap/rny 10-23-03 340/173/??? -167lbs  (yippee)

03-05-05
Hey everyone,
I think I broke my plateau, I am now down to 170lbs....I can't believe it.....I am now half the person I used to be!!! I can't belive it....did I say that.

lol...I am so grateful for this surgery.
Well I think that my relationship with my boyfriend is over.
it is too much to discuss. But there are things that I had to just accept and make a decision that I needed to not accept it the bull anymore and realize that I am not willing to just accept what I was getting. It is soo hard because I love him, but I need more and he can't give it. I really don't want to say much about it here. But even though this happened after wls I don't feel you can attribute it to wls, it was just a matter of time.
Well I am just worried about eating over this situation, I hate being in pain and I don't want to gain weight. But I think that I may even lose weight over this.
I need to know I am worth something. its hard to accept that.
I still have a hard time with esteem issues, as always, my whole life.
I have to learn that I am worth something, I know that on some level I do know that must have some worth or I would not have had this surgery to live.
I have a whining child at my side so I am going to go...I can't stand the whining.
I will talk to you all later.
Love ya's,
Lisa  340/170/??? -170lbs (almost at goal)
P.S. I am a great Aunt....Fiona Jane Foster...my great niece was born yesterday...she was born at 11:05am, she weighed 8lbs 6ozs, and is 20inches long.

Congratulations Brittany and Stewart.....she is such a cutie!!! Can't wait to hold her, but will have to wait till I can go to NC or they come up here.

3-9-05
Hey Everyone,
I think the more turmoil my life is in, the more I may be able to lose....which is a new one for me....I usually eat to survive through tough times and stuff the feelings down....of course now I don't know what to do.  Me and my "Ex" are putting each other through hell. I Love him so it makes this really difficult and I don't know if I am a strong enough person to do anything.  But I lost a half a pound yesterday and another half today...so I hit another goal...I am below 170!  I am at 169...yippie....

I am happy to see I can lose weight, but I am so depressed with my life, I am hoping that I can get through it. I want to make this a better life for me and my kids. My friend Sarah, is making me remember what life used to be like, and what it could be like again. Thank you Sarah.  Oh btw, she has lost 15lbs in the past month....yeah Sarah, yeah Sarah, you can do it girl.

So any positive thoughts and prayers sent my way would be greatly appreciated. I have such a hard time with self esteem issues and fears it is really crippling at times, alot of the time and I thought that with me getting smaller it would somehow make things better and I wouldn't have the same demons that I have been hiding from for the past 10-15yrs....but alas, the fat is leaving and they are coming back.

Okay well I've gotta go. I will talk to you all later.
I will keep all of you pre and post ops in my prayers as well as everyone suffering from this horrible disease of obesity.
Lisa  340/169/???    lap/rny 10-23-03  -171lbs yippie

03-11-05
Hey Everyone,
I am still holding steady at 169-170lbs...I am alot more active now though.  Since me and Sarah have become friends we do alot of running around. Its great to just be able to move and not have to worry about breathing, how much space I need, aching back and legs, and the zillions of other things that used to be so overwhelming to me and are now, thank God, fading away.  I can just move.  I am so grateful for that.  The only problem that I see that I have now is still fluid intake...I feel so dry...I don't always remember to take something with me to drink so I can go hours without drinking something, then I think I'm hungry when it is really thirst. Strange.
So I am going to work on that.

I am seriously thinking of plastic surgery, (I know...oh no not again....lol).  I am having some serious skin issues and it is painful, so I have to do something. I am going to check out the plastic surgeon that my friend Becky is using. I can't believe she got approved for her abdomniplasty...congrats Becky and hopefully I'll be joining you soon.

I am soooo depressed, relationship issues, I am trying to stay busy with doing other things, like writing here, I am so glad that I have the support here to be able to express myself. Even though I can't speak to openly about the exact nature of my problems, I know that I still can let my feelings out.

Okay, now back to wls issues...lol....I can eat whatever I want, not that I want much, only occassionally do I want to eat stuff I shouldn't. I did have too many carbs yesterday...auntie annes pretzels...I know I needn't say more. But I didn't gain, I didn't eat a whole lot of it, and I don't feel deprived.
So all is good in that department.
Oh the whole reason we were at the mall is because my daughters junior prom is next month, and we were looking for a dress.
I tried on a size 9/10 gown, it was beautiful...a little snug on the extra skin....but I couldn't believe it. Yep the skins gotta go. We still didn't find a dress for cinderella, so we'll be heading out again.

Okay, well I gotta go and get ready, my sister is having tests done today and I am going with her. So I gotta run and get ready..lol...I am still late always, I think it is a mental condition...lol.
I'll talk to you all later.

I want to keep all pre and post ops in my prayers, as well as anyone suffering from this horrible disease of obesity.
Lisa