May 2005

May 03, 2005

05-04-05
Hey Everyone,
I am starting to get bummed out.  I have not been eating the greatest the past week or so...then I went down the shore for like 4 days, boy was I eating like
crap, along with eating the good stuff. I am so upset I have slowly over this past week gained 5.5lbs!! I can't believe it. I didn't think that I would ever go back to my old habits, but here it is, almost 18.5mths out and I am gaining. I know where I am messing up and I know what I need to do about it...I have got to get the weight back off, I want to get down a little further and then stick there. I only made it as far as 168.5, I want to at least get down to 160, but this morning I would have been happy to see 170 on the scale.  I know dont' concentrate to much on the numbers, but if I don't, I will be back over 200 in no time. Freaks me out....I worked hard to have this surgery done, and I was very disciplined for a long time and now I am ruining it.  I am definitely going to reread my preop journal, I still feel like I am that fat woman, but I logically know that I am not, but I don't want to physically be back there again, so I am putting on the breaks right now!!  I know in 2 weeks I'll have my period again and that is a 6 lb gain, but it comes right back off, but that would put me at 180 if I don't lose this weight.
The great thing now though, after the surgery, I still have my tool and If I use it, it works. So it may not be simple easy to melt away the pounds anymore,
at least I can still lose it by going back to basics, protein, supplements, water...water...water, and a new one, exercise. I am not going to ruin this for myself because I don't feel like I deserve it. I so deserve to feel better and to look better. I am going to act like I just had the surgery done, get back into my mindset and take care of what I need to do. I definitely will not miss the next support group, which is next saturday, i need to maintain that connection.
So what is that old saying, a journey of a thousand steps begins with taking one....well today I am taking that step. I want to be healthy, and I am going to
do it. Anyone need to talk, email me. I know I am not alone.
I have to start hitting the yahoo boards again, it helps me stay connected. I was looking through the gallery again last night, and thinking, how come i can't be one of the people who make it down to the 140's...but i think i need to
just be comfortable in the 168-170 range...ACCEPTANCE..this is the word that I need to work on as well as ...ESTEEM... I need to fix what it is that got me to 340 to begin with or I may be destined to be there again. Gosh that scares the heck out of me.
Okay, i am going to go, just needed to post what I was going through.
I want to keep all of you pre and post ops in my prayers as well as everyone suffering from this horrible disease of obesity.
Lisa lap/rny 10-23-03 340/174/??? -166lbs


About Me
PA
Location
36.0
BMI
RNY
Surgery
10/23/2003
Surgery Date
Jan 16, 2003
Member Since

Before & After
rollover to see after photo
I cried taking these pics .(I had 63in waist and was 64 in tall !)
340+lbs
1yr and down 154lbs. (my waist is now 34in. as of 11-7-04)
186 lbslbs

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May 2005

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