LittleMissSunshine

It's Been a While...

Oct 17, 2011


When I was thinking of a title for this, that Staind song came to mind, specifically the line that says: 

     "It's been a while since I've gone and fucked things up, just like I always do..."

That's essentially why there hasn't been a post from me here since the end of July.  I was cleared for regular foods mid-August and I decided that since the restrictions were gone, now I needed to take the ol' sleeve for a test drive to see what I could and couldn't tolerate.  The only thing that gave me any trouble was dry microwave popcorn... caramel corn, oddly enough, was no problem at all.

Yeah. Caramel corn. I think you see where I'm going with this. 

It wasn't long before I started slipping back into my old habits again.  On the upside, while I haven't lost anything, I've maintained my weight since cutting loose back in August.  If I hadn't had this surgery and had just been dieting for a few months, I would have gained back most of what I've lost by now (80lbs total, 48 since surgery).  The fact that the only price to pay for all my wonton ways has been that I haven't lost anything is incredible to me.  I am so grateful that I was able to have this surgery, I can't even tell you.

The only time I feel any twinge of regret is in those instances when I have something particularly delicious in front of me and feel cheated in that I can only have a few bites of it before I feel full.  Of course, that "regret" is short-lived because no sooner do I notice it when I also recognize that having more was at the very root of my food issues.  If I could have more, I would... and more... and more... and I wouldn't stop, even when I was full.  Now, the full feeling is enough to stop me.  It's more uncomfortable now than it was before, and for that I'm so thankful.  This surgery does exactly what I hoped it would, I just need to start using it properly again.

As we see here on the forums time and time again... the operation is on our stomachs, not our heads.  I am still battling the same issues that have always plagued me, and I don't see finding my way clear of those without help.

The other day I put up a post on my surgeon's FB page (it's a sort of online support group) asking if anyone could recommend a good one-on-one therapist who specializes in emotional eating and food addiction issues.  I have 2 names, I'm going to meet with at least one, if not both of them as soon as possible.  I've seen therapists before, two different ones, but neither specialized in weight issues.... these two do.  I'm hoping that'll make all the difference.

I'm going to try to get back into the habit of checking in here regularly again.  Thank you to those of you who sent private messages to check in, I appreciate that you were thinking of me :).

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About Me
48.7
BMI
VSG
Surgery
05/23/2011
Surgery Date
Mar 17, 2011
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