So much has happened since my last post. I guess I finally figured out what I want to do with my life, I'm very excited about it. I'm happy with where my life is right now and even more excited about the future. 
I deal daily with the old negative voice in my head and have to do affirmations quite a bit because I realize I'm normal/average now and yet I constantly find myself thinking how fat people might think I am. I am still in the obese category but thats going to change soon!  I think when I get to 187 I will be over weight ...I'll have to look at the charts. 
I know it seems extreme to some but due to revelations in my life I am happy truly happy with my life. I was the person who saw no purpose or reason behind life except a long torturing existense until death. Its like a fog has been lifted and I'm happy for the here and now and happy and excited for the future. 
I wear and 18/20, I have a pair of 14/16 stretch pants that I am wearing out! who wouldn't? :) I am refocused after my fill today and plan on giving it my all so I can reach the ultimate goal of 100lbs gone by my 1 year!