- Username: llm
- Location: NY, USA
- Member Since: 5/4/2007
- BMI: 32.3
- Surgery date scheduled
- Surgery Type: DS (06/25/07)
- Surgeon: Michel Gagner
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Goals
5 People in progress, 3 People achieved this |
78 People in progress, 46 People achieved this |
438 People in progress, 486 People achieved this |
140 People in progress, 100 People achieved this |
37 People in progress, 3 People achieved this |
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Member Interests
- Animals - I'm afraid! Especially of birds, cats and mice. I can handle horses and dogs.
- Arts - I'm lucky to live in NYC; opera, theater, museums, etc.
- Books & Literature - I was an English major and have a law degree, thus BIG reader (literally).
- Business & Career - I'm almost at a point that I'll be able to start my own business.
- Family & Friends - I have 8 nieces and 1 nephew. I'm the favorite aunt.
- Fitness & Exercise - I'm fairly athletic and hope to be able to get into good shape again.
- Recreation - I hope to start dating again and going out more post-op; I used to be social.
- Crossword & Word Games - I play Scrabble & Boggle and beat my family members.
- WLS in your 40's - I'm 45 not married, no children, and a professional. I hope to change this.
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6/15/07
posted on 6/15/07 8:13 am
A lot has happened since I first came on this site and decided I wanted surgery. In some ways I feel bad because I've read a lot of profiles and some of you have had a struggle to get to the point of having surgery. I think I decided to have the surgery at the very beginning of May 2007 and now I'm scheduled to go in for the DS on 6/25/07. I was approved by my insurance immediately. I'm going to have some out of pocket costs because my doctor is out of network for Oxford, but it will only be approximately 20% of the surgeon's fee of K. Too good to be true!
I'm in the final stages. I've met with the psychologist, nutritionist, cardiologist, gastroenterologist, and have had pre-surgery testing including blood, ECG, chest xray, and discussion with anesthesiology. Next week I have to go to my primary care physician for the final OK for surgery.
I've taken off 1.5 weeks from work. I hope that will be enough time. I'm going in Monday for the surgery, I hope to be out of the hospital by Wednesday, I'm going to my parents house for the next couple of days, and hope to be back in my apartment by Sunday evening 7/1/07. I'll return to work on the 5th. If necessary, I'll take off the final 2 days of that week.
One problem I'm having is I have not been able to lose any weight pre-surgery. I think I'm in one of those moods where it's like "this is the last time I'll get to go to this restaurant" or "this is the last time I'll be able to have a cocktail" or "this is the last time I'll be able to go out with my friends for a while". I realize that may sound unreasonable to some, but I live in NYC. Almost all social life in NY takes place in restaurants and bars. In addition, I entertain clients for business. Further, I haven't told anyone but my mother that I'm having this surgery. Why? For one thing I'm embaressed. I know I shouldn't be, but I am. For another, I plan to lose this weight and not look back; i.e., many of my old friends don't know I'm this heavy because I won't see people and when I make new friends, boyfriends especially, I don't want them to know how I was. I realize there's something wrong with this way of thinking, but my pride is in the way. Finally, I don't want to talk to anyone about what I can and can't eat, I don't want anyone watching me and suggesting one thing or another. My mom criticized me my whole life and was constantly watching me and making comments. My sister also scrutinizes me. It's not exactly fair because both of them are naturally VERY thin. Thus, it's a secret. I'm going to pretend I'm losing the weight (I've lost a lot of weight in the past via modified eating and a lot of exercise - running). I had to tell my mother because I need someone to assist me. I was thinking about paying me housekeeper to come over every day to my apartment after I got out of the hospital to check in on me, but she doesn't even speak English, so I'm not certain that would work so well.
The other day I was reading a post about how did all of you get husbands when you were fat. I understand that person's comments. First, I'm amazed because many of you seem to have very nice, handsome husbands. Good for you. Second, I haven't dated or been intimate with a man in 10 years. I've had a number of problems, but being fat has really put a damper on what I will and won't do socially. Once in a while a man has asked me out, but I can't even bring myself to even think about the possibility. First, the type of men I'm attracted to are not attracted to me and the way I look; second, I feel so self conscious and so down about myself and my body that I am not even interested in pursuing men.
Another difficulty is that men, old boyfriends (and women) who I've known in the past keep contacting me and wanting to see me and I have to keep dodging them because I can't let them see me like this. Years ago I was very popular and pretty and had a ton of friends and boyfriends. I didn't get really fat until college and beyond. Towards the end of high school I started gaining weight, but I was only about 160 / 170 and 5'9" or so. Thus, I could still pull it off. However, I didn't get the attention I did when I was 145 lbs. When I was 13 and approximately 135 / 140 lbs. I won a national modeling contest. Even at that time I felt fat. Again, after college I lost some weight (probably weighed 165) and worked a little as a plus size model. Although a size 12 or so, I was really too thin to be a real plus size model. My agent thought I should gain weight. I'm like, yeah right, I'm gonna gain weight so I can be a fat model. No thanks.
But now I'm huge. Some people still tell me I'm pretty, but it's difficult to see because I have so much weight on my body and around my face that you can't even recognize me. Truthfully, except for my stomach and the way I feel phsycially, I still feel like the somewhat fat girl I was a 13, thin but with more weight than your average skinny little 13 year old. I look at other people and compare myself to them, but I've been in a real fog. When I got on that scale, for the first time in over 10 years, and realized I weighed almost 300 lbs. I knew it was time to stop kidding myself. I thought I weighed 240 or 250.
Regardless, I'm having surgery in 10 days, I'm going to lose all my excess weight and keep it off. Period.
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Comment by 
Kilaani commented on 6/16/07 3:53 pm 
