"Unvoiced expectations are resentments in waiting."

Aug 16, 2010

August 16, 2010


Well, for me this took some thinking. I like to think of myself as a pretty "deep" person but it took me a minute or two and even reading a blog or two to wrap my head around this quote. I never said I considered myself smart, just deep.

Anyway, what the quote means to me:

First thing that comes to mind are those instances when you are dealing with your children or your spouse and you really could use a hand with the laundry or the dishes or just taking out the trash, but because you don't want to intrude on their time you do it yourself and not say a word to them, while all the time thinking "surely they will see me working hard and step in to help". Well, nope they don't, why would they? Did I ask them to do anything? No, so they should not feel obligated to do anything. This can lead to resentment on my part for sure. I do all this for them and they still can't spontaniously do something to help, why should I have to ask them to help, can't they see what needs to be done?  

I have always been the peace maker in the family, I have always been the one to clean up or take care of my siblings when mom and dad were not around. I took care of my mother-in-law and father-in-law when they were ill and had to live with my husband and I. I feel that obligation that so many people don't feel to help, to do things for people to make their lives easier. I feel obligated to hold the door open for someone coming in behind me, or to say excuse me when I bump into a person at the grocery store. Why don't other people feel it? This should come natural to folks, right? Well it doesn't and I have a hard time understanding that. 

 One of my resentments in years past was I was living for everyone else and not really putting too much time into taking care of myself. I wouldn't say "I need you" to anyone. I was the one who would take care of everything and didn't want to inconvienence anyone by asking for help.

This year I decided I would make a change. I was getting heavier and heavier, and more and more unhealthy. I knew that if I didn' t make a change and start thinking about myself I wouldn't be around to enjoy grandchildren. I really want to see grandchildren one day. I spoke up, it is my time. This is what I am going to do, please help me. Yes, I said please help me.

At first there was mixed response. From friends, I was encouraged. From family, not so much. My husband could only see the risks until he spoke with the Surgeon himself. My parents could only see the risks and thought I was being a little selfish. This is the first time I have went against everyone and said.. "this is what I am going to do". Believe me it wasn't easy, and the thought of failure or of something going wrong and all the "I told you so's" to go along with it made my decision even more difficult.

I did it and God has been so good. I have flourished and I am doing wonderful. Things are changing and I am very happy. Now, if I hadn't spoke up and stuck to my plan I would still be wondering and harboring feelings of resentment toward myself and my family. 

I am finally realizing that life can include caring for others while taking care of yourself. This year I am also learning to ask for help and not expect it. This makes me a much happier person in the end. Time goes by too quickly in this lifetime to spend even one hour resenting anything.  

Enough rambling for one day.

Blessings, Angie



 

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About Me
Brooklet, GA
Location
28.2
BMI
RNY
Surgery
06/28/2010
Surgery Date
Mar 23, 2010
Member Since

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