am 34 and the mother of the 2 best kids in the world!! Come follow me on my weight loss journey! After many failed diet's and about a years worth of research I am ready to have weight loss surgery.
This is the best place for information and support.
I share my story in hopes that it might help others who have found themselfs in the same place. I have always had problems with my weight. I have been unhappy for most of my life and never thought I would ever be one of the many morbidly obese.
How I got to this point I fully understand and with years of therapy I am ready to leave it behind. I come from a very disfunctional family and often had issue with my dad. He was the type that always had to have the control, so through many years of verbal abuse from him I relized that I had control over one thing and that was what I put in my mouth.
My weight bothered him and I used it and through it in his face.
So I ate to piss him off, and in the end I was the one who got hurt. Through many bad relationships I used my weight as a crutch and a shield. It protected me.
I never felt love from my father and therefore look for it in other places through other men. It was the worst time of my life. Sex became love. Well that's what I thought. I never had a relationship since I sold my self out by thinking the only thing I had to offer a man was sex. Drinking and staying out late became a way of life for me. Until I was set up on a blind date. I went on the date and fell in love with a man that seemed to love me back and not just for sex.
It was a dream come true. Ten month's into the relationship I found out that I was pregnate. We got married and had our son. The relationship was terrible. Finally after my daughter was born and 8yrs later, he had a mid life crisis and left me for another woman.
My weight was an issue the whole time more because I kept thinking it wsnt going to last and that sooner or later he would get sick of having a fat wife. At the end he did tell me that he had not been attracted to me because of my weight. There is alot more to the story but then there always is.
Bottom line is this: I didn't love or care enough about myself to care and love anyone else. When he divorced me I thought I was gonna die!! My kids needed me and I pulled it together for them, and then for me. This month will be a year that I have been divorced and it's been the best thing for me. I'm done hiding and have relized alot about myself and I thank my ex husband for some of that!!
Through his actions I had no other choice but to see things for what they are. I am out of the gutter and climbing my way up!! I love myself and knowing that I have a choice to make myself better.
Weight loss surgery here I come. My kids need a healthy mom and I need a healthy life.
Dec 15 2002
I can't seem to leave this computer! I am so wrapped up in everyones profiles. I have found this site to be so helpful!
I have a hernia and it's starting to worry me as they were putting it off until I have wls. It's a great idea but the past couple of weeks it's really been hurting. I hope it(I) can hang in there. I also have noticed that now my knees hurt everytime I go up and down the stairs. It just confirms even more that I need to do this. Seems something new starts to hurt alot quicker these days. Good luck to everyone on there journey.
Dec 19 2002
I must say for me this really is a journey of myself. I can't get the wls off my mind and then relize that i'm not even approved yet! I have faith and a strong will so I know I'll have my chance. I have been thinking alot about death these past couple of weeks. My kids I can't stop thinking about them! Well I have my sleep lad appt on jan 6th and I just feel that the start of the new year is really when things should get rolling for me.
Dec 23 2002
I'm so excited!! I got a call from the Dr's office today. My Dr needs to change my inital appt from Jan 31st to Jan 10th...I'm so happy!! The sooner the better.
Dec 28 2002
Well I think this update is more for me to just vent. I got a call yesterday from my ex that is girlfriend (whom he left me for) was needing to get to the hospital as her water had broke. He asked me to pick the kids up at the hospital and I cried the whole way there. It just hit me right in the face that she was having a baby with the man that I loved for 8yrs. It was a hard day but with everyones support from this iste. I'm over it(I think) lol. I just can't wait till Jan 10th for my appt with the Dr. Everyone is on my mind...email me if you need to talk. I'm always a click away.
Jan 01 2003
9 more days until my Dr appt. I can't wait! I hope with having this herina that I might get things moving even faster. I'm so thankful for this site, I can't believe all the support. Happy New Year.
Jan 04 2003
The drama...You know who called and want's to get back together..here I spend a yr getting over him and now this..I told him this year is about me...Sometimes I can't help thinking that he is ok with me since he knows i'm having wls, and won't be fat. I talked to my friend and she made a good point..you never know till you try...what if things were better and my kids and I have the chance to be a family again....I don't know...and of course there is much more to the story but all of a sudden I don't even feel like typing about it. I'm fine right where I am at this point I can make it on my own, I have for the last year and I really have my focus on me right now. Plus I don't want to be second best either. Since she is getting rid of him..now he wants back home...I'm just not feeling that ya know. If she wanted to be with him I know he would...I can't and wont be with him when his heart is with her...Duh!! Ok enough of that..I'm looking foward to my appt this week. I'm really pumped up!!
Jan 10 2003
Went to my 1st appt with my surgeon Dr, Tim Custer. I adore him. I'm very excited, he said that I am a great candidate for wls. All I have left to do is finish my sleep lab appts and goto the shrink. The Dr. said it can take upto 6mos from this point but since I have so much of it already done It could be much faster.
Jan 15 2003
Well I called the shrink, he said the report will take 1 or 2 wks to be complete after I finish the eval. I hope to do this tomm on my lunch. Right now i'm so pissed off that I can't see straight. Of course it's about "crack ass" I can't even type about it, i'm so mad. Anyhow other than the drama in my life things are good and moving ahead!! Hugs
Jan 21 2003
2 sick kids...never any fun. They are much better today. Anyways silly me forgot that I have my sleep night at the lab Thursday, and I'm going for my phys eval this week also. I'm so excited. Somehow I don't feel like this is really gonna happend for me, I'm sliding back into that I don't deserve this crap. I know better. It's still hard to change my thoughts sometimes. Hugs.
Jan 24 2003
Well I was very sick this week,and then some how made it to my sleep lab appt. I do have sever sleep apnea. In between all this another drama with the "crackhead" Since the baby has been born he dsnt want to "get back with me" I'm so upset about that...(major sarcasiam) (sp)..He told me some other things that did upset me a great deal, and we got into a HUGE fight..in which I told him "You better not get all up in my koolaid, cuz you don't know my flavor...and today I'm bitchberry, so back off!! Sorry needed to vent. Anyhow I will have my phych eval this coming week. I just am very ready for this.
Feb 23 2003
Well I have not posted in a while. I have been in such a funk, not sure why either. I passed the shrink test. Once the Dr's office gets the report they will send off to ins. I have had lots of problems on the personal side with the ex and his girlfriend. Will it ever end? I'm not much in the mood for this so I'll update more later. Hugs
March 29 2003
Boy, has it been a while. Finally my paperwork has been sent to insurance. This monday will be a week. I'm still feeling my funk, but I think it's been because of everyone being sick at home. I guess i'm just done talking about it right now and just waiting for it to happen. Hugs
June 03 2003
WOW it's been a long time since I have done any type of update. I guess my "funk" lasted longer than I thought. I think I just got so disappointed with the thought that this surgery was not going to happen for me. I just didn't feel like talking about it, which is very strange for me since I'm such a talker. Well let me bring things up to speed. To make a long story some what shorter, the ins company got the paperwork and called the Dr office to let them know that no precertification was needed, and that they pay the claims AFTER the wls. Therefor the Dr's office and hospital look at me as SELF pay! I about fell off my chair. The fee's are as follows. 10,000.00 for the hospital, 600.00 for the knock me out Dr. So right there I knew I was done!!
I called the ins comp and befriended a very nice lady named sue and she really fought for me, but nothing...then the man at the hospital told me since I have the 6000.00 that, that would be fine. Then he called and said I misunderstood, and that I need the full 10. Ok bottom line was this...I can't understand how the ins company can say that wls is a COVERED service but they won't pay until after the surgery and the Dr's office told the ins comp and the hospital that I meet the requirements but they won't take any chances and I MUST pay up front the 10,000.00.
Then on Monday The Dr's office called me to say that I had a surgery date, it's JUNE 23rd...I swear I peed my pants!! and on top of that she told me I also need to have there fee up front also it's ONLY 3,500.00. So thinking I would have time to save money since they say when you get your date it might still be 2/3 mos away. Well that plan went right out the window, and I REFUSE to give up that date!! Thank God for my mother!! she will be giving me ALL the money!
I am still fighting the ins comp and the hospital about there POLICY..I have gotten to the VP at the hospital and since he still see's wls as cosmetic, this is crazy and far from over in that respect. Sorry about the rammble...but I'm on my way!!!
June 29, 2003
Well, I made it home just fine. I can't thank everyone on this site enough!! I had a not so good hospital stay. I want everyone to know that without this site I would have found myself in big trouble I'm sure!! Let me start by saying that I was in surgery for just about an hour for the open rny. My Dr. said the surgery was textbook. No problems at all. (very pleased) When I was taken to the floor where I would be staying, I was told up front that this floor was where all the wls post ops go, and that the nurse's are there for us and know our needs ect...well that wasnt true. At one point I needed somwthing to drink so bad and the water just wsnt getting it, so the nurse offered to get me a POP a regular one at that. She had no clue. I never got a response from anyone quicker than my call light being on for 30 min. Good thing I didn't have an emergency. They never checked to make sure that I was on my c-pap and never tried to help get me out of the bed. If it wasn't for my friend and my mom, whom I gave strict instructions to, I'm not sure what the out come would have been. Much more happend and I just assume let it go!!
I'm feeling a bit sore but feeling better everyday.
July 06 2003
I feel really good and have ever since I got home from the hospital. I'm so blessed that I am doing so good! I did however notice today that I have some yellowish/green yuck stuff coming out of some of the bottom staples holes. My first post op appt is this thursday and I will be getting the staples taken out so I hope that takes care of the problem. Some of the staples are pretty streched and I can feel the pull. I also can't wait to see how much I have lost. I don't have a scale but I did jump on my friends and it showed down 20 pounds. I hope that is a good sign. I'll post after my appt. Hugs
July 10, 2003
Today was my first post op Dr. appt. I was very happy that in 17 days I am down 28 pounds! I finally got the staples taken out, and i'm pleased to say that didn't hurt like I thought it would. I'm still on liquids until my next appt in 4 weeks.
July 13 2003
The most amazing thing happened to me. I have a big blow out with a family member last week, and normally I would have ate and smoked myself to death just to cope, but since wls I know longer have that to fall back on, what a wake up call that was, all these years that I have done that and now I was like wow how do I cope...it's been such a learning experience. This is such a big deal. Please don't go into wls without really thinking about these things.
Aug 3 2003
I'm about 6wks post-op and down 41 pounds by my scale, I have not been back to the Dr. since my first post-op visit, so it might be more now. I went to the Ohio State fair, something I would have never done. I walked for about 6 hrs. No problem!! My kids and I had a blast! Right before surgery I could only walk for about 10 min without major pain. My ankles are still there! I'm just amazed at the changes in such a short time. I will update again after my Dr. appt on 8/12.
Aug 8 2003
I'm down 48 pounds. I can't believe that in under 2 mos I will have lost 50 pounds. I feel GREAT. I have never felt better.
Sept 11 2003
I can't believe that in just 12 wks i'm down 70 pounds. Things have been so great. I will do a better update soon.
Dec 27 2003
Wow I can't stand when people that I try to follow don't keep the profile updated!! Oh, guess that's me. SORRY. Just have so much going on. When I went for my Dr appt in Nov which would have been 5mos I was down 100 pounds. I still need pinched on that one. I'm now down 112 pounds. I have never felt better. I can tell you that this whole thing has been playing tricks on the mind a bit. I will have a new photo in soon. Hugs
Jan 11 2004
I'm down 120 pounds in 6 months.
Jan 23 2004
It's 7 mos and I'm down 130 pounds. I can't express how much my life has changed!!
Feb 6 2004
I'm down 135 pounds and finally under 200. I am still in shock!!
Feb 20 2004
I'm down 140 pounds. WOW
May 1 2004
I had a check up at 10mos down 157 pounds. I weigh 175 and i'm in a size 12. It's still amazing to me. All my labs are great. I still would like to lose another 30.
May 8 2004
Down to 172, that's 160 lost.
June 11 2004
Down to 165
July 31 2004
Down to 160. I can't seem to lose any more and I would like to lose another 10-20 pounds. I have a new pic and will have it added soon. Things are going great, and I will do a more detailed update when I get my new pic posted.
*******I have photos posted******* click the link at the top of my profile.
Aug 24 2004
I can't believe it, the numbers are going down again. I'm at 151. that's 181 lost!! Talk about happy. I also posted a new pic from vacation with my kids at Cedar point. Now thats something I could have never done before!!
Oct 29 2004
I'm down to 143. That's 189 lost!! I would like to lose another 8 or so and then start looking into plastic surgery. I have been eating things that I have not up to this point and I'm a bit scared. I have not gained but still wonder if one day I'll get on the scale and have gained 20 pounds.
Nov 6 2004
Well, i'm bit over 14 mos post-op and I have just found out that I am pregnate. I'm scared to say the least. The father had decided that it's not a good time for him (imagine that) so I will be doing this alone. He wants me to have an abortion and I just can't do it!! I have really been disapointed in myself for being so irresponsible. I'm trying very hard not to beat myself up with all this. The old thoughts come up about not being good enough for him to want to be a part of this. I am starting to feel better about it. Whats done is done, and everything happens for a reason. My other 2 children were not planned and I can't imagine life without them. I am concerned about weight gain, and the health of myself and the baby. I have my OB appt on the 11th and will update after that. I did have my appt with the wls Dr and he said that I will be fine. My Iron and B-12 are both in the high range.
Nov 25 2004
Well, things are better. I had my OB appt, and an ultrasound. It was great to see the heart beating, really makes it all so real!! I have gained about 8 pounds and I'm trying not to flip out to much. The Dr. says alot is the water gain. I am 8wks along and my EDD is 7-3-05 but the Dr says that I will go 2wks early by C-section.
Jan 19 2005
I had my 4mo OB appt. The Dr said the baby is fine. He was concerned with the weight gain (total 11 pounds) he said not from a preg stand point but from a WLS stand point. He knows that I have a lot of stress right now and does not want to see me get into old habits. So I guess its back on track for me. It just seems that all the "bad" foods stay down and the good ones come up. My next appt in 4wks will be an ultrasound. I am going to take my kids they are 6 and 9 and I can't wait! I also hope to find out what I'm having.
Feb 20 2005
Well I found out that i'm having a girl!! I'm very excited. The kids went with me and they loved seeing the baby on the ultrasound. It was so cool. I only gained 2 pounds which made me feel very at ease.
March 11 2005
I spent sometime in the hospital with sever cramping. Come to find out it has to do with my hernia and the way the baby is sitting. Its something that we will have to watch. Then a few days ago I fell one night at work and then again the next night. Not sure why maybe just off balance a bit and since I can't see my feet..LOL anyhow the baby and I are fine. The Dr just wants to keep an eye on the placenta as things like that can cause a rip or tear. But I think all will be fine and i'm really watching my step. It's hard to believe that I'm almost 6 mos along!!
April 3 2005
I'm 27wks preg, and all is well with the baby. I lost 2 pounds this month which is a good things since at my last appt I had gained 10!! Doc is fine with my total weight gain so far which is at about I think 22 pounds. Only about 11wks to go. I sure hope I see 145 again!
June 5 2005
I'm 36 wks preg, everything is great with the baby. It is for sure a girl and we all are excited for her to arrive. I'm having a c-section on 6/22 so only 17 days to go.
December 14 2008
Three years..I can hardly belive I have been away from the board/site for so long. I'm now married to a wonderful man, and my post-op baby is 3 yrs old now. I am going to post some new photos. It was great to get married in a size 10 wedding dress, with my kids there and the man of my dreams.
I am going to start looking into plastic surgery as all this skin is really pulling me down, no pun intended. :)
I still stay steady with my weight but would love to drop 10 pounds.
As always, please feel free to email me anytime with any questions.