Hi Guys,

I made it. Finally. I am on the other side. I had my RNY on 11/23/2009 as you know. I went into the hospital so happy and so optimistic and that ended the moment I began opening my eyes in the post surgery room. All I remember was begging for help over and over. I felt immense pain. Pain I cant even explain. I was rolled in into the surgery room at 7.30 am and into my hospital room at 2pm. So, I guess it took a long time to recover because my mom said that my surgeon came out at 11.30am and talked to them about me. He spent about 40 min with my mom and my husband going over every detail, reassuring them how great of a success it was. He also told them that he found a little hernia just above my belly button (he told them, it was not from birth, not from weight), so he fixed that too. He also did a biopsy on my liver because he is concerned that most over weight people have some liver damage and he wanted to see where I stand with that.

The move to my room was horrible. The people that moved me from the cart to the bed felt rootless but I am sure they are not. They just did their job. Once I was positioned in my bed and I guess all systems connected my family was brought in. I dint remember much of that. Just bits and pieces. I was in and out constantly. The pain was like nothing I have felt before in my life. My back felt rotten and gone, especially the left side of it. The left side of my stomach felt like it was open and someone was in there punching me. It was bad, real bad.

On top of all this, I suffer from really severe migraines. And I guess from all the pre-op work and the anesthesia I was going through a really bad withdrawal. They were also not giving me any water, so that made it even worse. I was on injectable Darfocet (pain killer) every 6 hours but also given Morphin every 2 hours. I hated them both. I felt like Darfocet wasnt doing anything and all Morphin was doing was making me sleepy and really, really sick.

My husband, I guess, drove to some CVS and got like a little massaging tool and him and my mom were taking turn putting they hands under me to help my back. The room was 76 degrees, I felt like I was gonna die. Today, at home, the temperature is 67. I love it cold. It keeps the air clean and crysp and it doesnt give me headaches, so you can imagine how this hospital felt. Then some nurse saved me. She brought a fan. At night my husband went home and my mom stayed with me. That by far was the worst night of my life. EVER. I was in and out. Begging for water, begging for medicine, begging for her to help me, crying. I was so miserable. I had so much pain, so much. On top of all this, they made me get up 2 hrs after they brough me in from surgery to get up and walk. It took about 30 min to get me out of bed. It was so painful, I prefered to die then and there then to try one more time to get up.

The night passed....

The next day..another horrible day. Radiology. For those of you who had it, you know what I am talking about. For those of you who are about to have it, brave your souls. Keep in mind that my migraine made everything like 100 times worse, than it should have been. It was really severe. I couldnt even open my eyes. So, they roll me down to Radiology for which seemed forever and then the two chicks working the room made me slide on to the scanning table by myself, which nearly killed me. The doctor came in and they asked me to drink the worst thing ever. Oh, no...its not the same, nasty, white stuff you do pre-op...this one is fansy. Much nasty, much bitter, much burning. Just think about it. I havent had any liquids in me since the bowel prep on Sunday and its already Tuesday afternoon and this is the first thing they put in my mouth. I drank and tears rolled down my eyes. The doctor was nice though, he didnt make me drink that much. After the test I was brought back into my room and instructions were given for my first post-op food order. Finally, water. Thats all I wanted.

The migraines were not stop but at least I was able to sip water. Slowly. The pain was there too but slowly getting better. I was discharged at around 5pm on Tuesday night and happily came home. Once here, nothing was comfortable. All couches were too soft and they didnt support me at all. I spent my days and nights sleeping on a litte, leather love seat or my husbands chair. He was pushing the table next to me and propping my feet up, so it felt like a hospital bed. I had a pill after pill, bunch of pillows, from what I felt keeping my insides inside, and slept. My neurologist gave the authorization to have me Imitrex again. For those of you who dont know, Imitrex is the best pain killer, nothing else beats it. So, I did. But we discovered something very interesting about the absorbtion of the medication pre and post op. Before the surgery, I will take the medication, it will go into my stomach, resolve in there and get absorbed in about 30 to 45 min ( I know, because I felt it working). But now, it has no time to stay in the pouch. I will take it, feel the help from it almost immediately, almost like a shot and then 30 min later another migraine comes in. So, my husband came up with this idea that istead of asking the pouch to break down the medicine, we do it. We crush it and I take it with water in powder form, so now all it needs to do is get absorbed instead of just being flushed out. So, we did, and that worked. My migraines started coming less and less. And knock on wood, I am migraine free for two days now. I actually feel good.

Anyway..back to the RNY..

My diet now for 2 weeks should be Sugar Free Jello, Water, and Organic Juice mixed with water. Well, I tried. I felt like that sweet ass juice is making my migraines come more often, so I refused to drink it. The Jello is no food. Doesnt taste like anything to me, just some stupid fake fruit. I like real fruit and I dont want to ruin it for the future, so for the past 4 days I have been living on Water only. Can you believe this? I think it works for me, as it keeps the migraines always and thats all it matters to me. I talked to my doctor today and he said it ok the way thing are for now and once he sees me this Thursday we will see if I move to the next step of the diet.

And the moment you have all been waiting for....

Well, On my visit with my doctor witch was Nov. 12th, I weight at 296 pounds. My heighest ever. I have never been so heavy in my entire life. The morning of my surgery Nov. 23rd, I weight at 286 pounds. I believe its from all the throwing up I did to prep for it. It was not fun at all. And today, one week post-op, I weight 273 pounds. Total I have lost 23 pounds.

Its an amazing change. I mostly greatful that I am not as puffy. A lot of water is drained out of me. I have not seen my feet so well, and not swollen since 2003. There is a distance between my toes, which is crazy to me. I can see my ankels. My wrists are a little smaller and according to my mom the fat on my back is not as big :) So, I guess, I am changing.

I feel good and I am happy to be re-born again. Surgery was one of the best decisions I have made in my life and the best X-Mas gift I could ever given myself. I am looking forward to better health, kicking the ass of my PCOS, getting smaller, and one day becoming a mommy to a healthy baby with my WONDERFUL,WONDERFUL hubby. Love you, baby.

I am back home...
5 days ago
Hey Guys,

I just got home from the hospital. I am fine. I did it. It was the worst night of my life post-op but I made it on the other side. For these people who say "we take the easy way out" ..f$%K you. It is extremely painful and not as easy at all. I am not really in the condition of posting a lot now, so I will go but I will be back soon to give you a detailed post on the whole thing. Thank you for thinking of me..

Hugs
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  The Night Before...
7 days ago
I cant sleep. I need to wake up at 4.30 am and get ready and that keeps me up. The antibiotics they gave me to take a so strong that they give me the worst cramps ever. I burb and burb and then I go to the bathroom and have diareah.. Whatever is happening in there is very paintfull and really cleans me out. I am just so done now. I cant believe that pre-op for me has been so painfull. Cant wait for Tuesday (the day, I am supposed to be home). And I am so hungry now...I really want a toast, so bad... I wonder when will be the next time I can eat something that is not liquid? Wow, isnt that what got me here in a first place... Be the first to leave a comment.

  The Day before Surgery...
7 days ago
Hi Guys,

         First, I want to thank you for the kind notes. I really needed to hear them because today was, and still is, a rough one. Jeezz, where do I begin. Maybe by saying that admire all of you who need to be on a liquid diet weeks before the surgery. I did only one day of it and it sucked soo bad. I dont like sweet as much and having to be on a diet that requires me to drink juices, wasnt my thing. It gave me the worst migraine ever and it stayed with me till about couple of hours ago. Anyway, thats not the hell part as much...
         Today, I woke up at 8am took the two pills from the bowels cleanser kit, mixed the liquit stuff and went back to bed. Woke up at about 10am with really bad cramps, ran to the bathroom and lets just say...it felt like I peed for a very long time but not from the right place :) That followed twice...At 11am the hell began..I had to drink 8oz cup of the bowel cleanser juice thing every 10 min till gone and the whole barrel is about 1 liter. Let me tell you about it...I am typing this now and gagging thinking about it.. The day went this way: Drink, Gag, Vomit, Diareah..all this while having the world's most horrible migraine. At one point, I wanted to seriously die. I vomit so much and so severe that I probably tore something in throat and had some blood come out. I just couldnt keep the thing in me. My husband got scared that I wont be able to have the results needed for the surgery so he had to call my surgeon and ask him if that was ok. He allowed me to take my migraine medication, so I cant at least kill that pain and also explained that I could drink just as much as I can. I was only about 1 1/2 away from finishing the damn thing, so I stopped completely.  
         Now, I am running to the bathroom every 5 to 10 minutes and all I have come out is yellow liquids. They also made me take some strong antibiotics - two different kinds, two pills 3 times a day. They are this huge, horse pills that make you even sicker. But at least I dont a migraine now, that is really good for me.
        I read so many testimonials here and noone really complains about their prep work. I dont know why, for me it was horrible. If I knew what I went through today, I dont know if I would wanna do it again. And thats tough to say for me because I am not a weak person and I barely ever complain about anything. I dont know why this day was so rough for me. Maybe its a little bit of everything..the meds, plus me being a little scared and the unexpected. Sure, it felt good when I stepped on the scale now and saw that big weight loss. Coming from 293 to 286.8 in one night is awsome, considering how used I was seeing the scale only go up. I am sure at the end this surgery and all to follow with it will bring me so much happiness that I wont even know what to do with it, so a little struggle now is not a problem. I am ready.
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  First Day of Pre-op Diet...
on November 21, 2009 3:54 pm
             Today kinda sucks. I have a bad headache for which I cant take anything due to doctors instructions and I am hungry. I know that most of you have it even worse, starving for months before surgery, so I should not complain but I just cant help it. I spent the day just drinking liquids and now when I think about it, the hunger is not really in my stomach but more like in my head. I think about food constantly, dreamed about it and all I do is sit here and feel sorry for myself that I can have something to chew. But again, this menthality brought me to 292 pounds, so I really need to think about of how I am going to break that cycle. 
               The worst part of today is my headache for which I can take only Thylinol, which never does anything to me, so completely sucks. I have that background of really bad migraines and that really scares me... My poor husband feels so sorry for me that I cant eat and I feel so guilty that he feels that way, when we both know how much of struggling it will be after the surgery and we pitty me only on my first day of pre-op. Kinda sucks, to know how much I am addicted to food. And I say addicted because, it really is addiction. Its obsessing my life. All I could think of before is what do I eat now, where do we go later, what do I cook now, what do I shop for food, do we have this or that??? Its all about food. I even enjoy grocery shopping and thinking about..the reason is because I love the image of food and the calm it gives. And it really calms me down. I have discovered that food is like a drug to me. I black out completely when I need my next fix. I dont care what kind of promises I have made to myself, or if I should not spend the money on it..if I felt hunger I fed it.
            Well, minus the headache I am good at handling my hunger. Tomorrow is my bowel prep and "I cant" wait to start. I cant believe I am only one night away from the day. Crazy!!!!

Pre-op Tests Done... [Edit Post]
on November 19, 2009 12:24 am
Published
        I could barely sleep last night. I believe I was nervous. I went to bed really late, about 1 am and tossed and turned till about 2 am. Woke up at 5.30 am and jumped off the bed like someone burned me. I dont remember the last time I was so eager to get out of bed. I took a shower, fed my cat and left the house...
        Driving to the hospital was a little nerve racking for me. I believe its because I am one of those people that nothing goes smooth for them. There is always something that is not right and I have to wait or re-do things or whatever else the reason. So, I hoped that all my 5 doctor orders where maticilus and there will be no hassle. I believe I was one of the very first people to check into the Lab..Had my blood work done, urine sample and EKG. The lady that did them was really nice and told me that she works at the hospital for 30 years. Thats crazy for me. She just looked at my ordered tests and she goes.."Oh, thats pre-op"..I guess she knows her shit.
       Then, came the fun part - Radiology. I have one worth for that department - Hate. I had an ultra sound done on the whole abdomen. That sucker took an hour, yes, an hour. She pushed and pushed with the little camera, till the camera became a part of me. I wanted to jump and make her eat it. She either sucks at her job and had to re-do the shots thousands of times, or they just have to make a lot of shots due to the procedure. Finally, we were done and I left with blue marks on my stomach. From there, I had chest x-ray done. Two guys did it. I felt so ashamed because my gown was open on the back and they could see my fatty rolls just hanging in there. I dont remember the last time I felt so self-causious. Thank god the pictures came out fine from the first time, so I didnt have to stand there for more "observing" time. After this was done...we moved to the most fun part of pre-op, called Ultrasound of Upper GI. For those of you who havent had that yet...brave your souls. 
       I didnt mind the awful uncomfortable possitions they made me take, till they were filming the movement of my bowls...but the "amazing" liquit they made me drink while doing their thing..almost killed me right there. The drink is usually white color, at first smells like berries but then you think ..wait a minute..Not so much like berries, more like berries gone bad for months in the fridge. This stuff was thick and sticky that entering my empty stomach made me feel like I was giving myself a colonoscopy through my mouth. So, I drank about a Venti Starbucks coffee cup of that thing, sip by sip, while the doctor was positioning me in all sorts of possitions and finally he made me lay on my stomach, made his assistant fill me up a whole new Venti cup of that elecsir and made me drink the whole thing, without stopping. Can you believe this? I wanted to jump up and be like..you know what, no surgery for me, I am done. But then again, I imagined how much I hated my 22W size pants. So, I drank the thing. The doctor finished and flew out of the room. The assistant made me lay there some more, so she can take some extra shots and I did it - I threw up in my own hand. It was so bad, that I felt dizzy. She didnt even consider giving me some water, untill I asked for it. Whats up with that shit? Anyway, I cleaned myself, got dressed and the whole time I was walking towards the exit of the hospital I felt sicker and sicker. Finally, I reached my car and threw up once again, right next to it. People circling with their cars were staring at me but I didnt care. Its a hospital, people are sick, whatever. So, I get into my car and my emotions riched a boiling point. I just sat there and started crying. I felt so alone, like no one really cares for me, to even come with me to that horrible experience. I am usually the strong one in the family and for me to self pitty myself is not common. I dont do that. I am usually the one that is always optimistic and cheerful..And I know, it was only a stupid test and I have gone through so much more hard stuff in my life, but this really did it for me. I dont know why.
      I think, now that surgery is here, only 4 days away, I am getting scared to some extend. I can feel my heart kinda pulsing more, cant really sleep well, have all sorts of bizare dreams, I am extremely emotional. Just not me. Dont get me wrong, I am very happy...but at the same time a little scared. I know I will do great because I have the best surgeon in the country and because I know I am tough and I really do things the right way when I do them...but loosing my emotional support system - food- that has been part of my life for so long its not easy.
      Well, my date got moved from the 30th of November to the 23rd, which excites me a lot because I just want to be over with it, be home save, and get on with my life (studying for the LSAT) and start loosing some weight. I need that more than anything else. I am begining my surgery prep on Saturday the 21st. I will have to do only clear liquits that day, then Sunday the 22nd, 2009 will be my bowl cleanser (which I am sure, will hate) and Monday the 23rd my Second Bday !!!!
Please, keep me in your thoughts and talk to you soon..