After all this time thinking it wouldn't happen. I had been staying away from sugary foods for more than nine months. I would allow myself carbs and sugar free stuff ( so far no serious reaction to sugar alcohol other than lethargy). Feeling invincible, I had a few bites of my own birthday cake and went to bed, feeling fine, no reaction. The next day, I'm feeling a little too confident and accept a friend's Pinkberry offer. I literally had 4 spoons of sugary yumminess with blueberries, strawberries, and captain crunch. Bad idea. About half hour later, I'm feeling dizzy, sweating buckets, heart racing, and wanting to barf big time. We were at a gallery, and I had to make a b-line to the bathroom 3 times. Oh sugar is bad, very bad.

So my ultra sound results came back, and I don't have gall stones. Thank goodness. Most likely gas. Sorry for the TMI, but I've been so gassy. I've been eating "sugar free" candy since Valentine's Day, maybe it's that. I haven't changed anything else in my diet.

My labs came back showing I still have elevated H. Pylori counts. I already took the antibiotic for this, and it didn't go away. Dr. Mc Vay says I need to retake it and that I might get ulcers in my sleeping stomach if it doesn't go away. Great. My regular Dr. says that the tests they run aren't directly testing for H. Pylori, but the antibodies used to fight it. She says that it could take months before the antibodies see that there is no more H. Pylori and decrease. I really don't want to take more antibiotics, but I don't want to risk getting ulcers, especially in a closed stomach.

Other than this lil hump, I feel great. My new pill has been working great. I'm finally in the 220's, and I am sharing clothes with my little sister. She has always been a lot smaller than me and now we weigh about the same. I'm loving what Biotin is doing for my nails. Sadly it has done nothing for my hair. It's still falling out like crazy. I see a lot of baby hairs coming in though so we'll see.

I moved into my new lil house this weekend and I love it. I still have a lot of unpacking to do, but things are coming along nicely.

that I don’t have gall stones. I had my follow up appt. with Dr. Quilici yesterday. I’ve been feeling a slight burning in the upper right side of my abdomen. Along with the nausea and gas, Dr. McVay, his assistant, said I needed an ultrasound. So today I go back to have that done. I am really hoping I don’t need surgery. I know this is common, but I was hoping to be one of the lucky few.

I’ve been MIA lately. Nothing really has been going on that is realated to my surgery. I’m still losing, slowly. I feel smaller and the skin is hanging more and more. I was hoping to lose 30lbs by my birthday, but I don’t think that is too realistic,now, especially since I’m only losing like 10 or less pounds a month. Maybe I can shoot for my 1 year.

I had been experiencing mood swings. I’m on the pill, so before surgery I didn’t suffer from pms. But after surgery, oh man that’s another story. I switched pills and feel much better. I’m on Seasonique, which means I will only get a period 4 times a year. I already notice a difference in hormone levels, no ups and downs.

I’m moving to Pasadena this weekend. I’m really excited! Finally, I can have some peace of mind. Living with my folks has been mental torture. I don’t know how I lasted there a year. In a way it was a good thing, since they were there for me during my surgery. I really appreciate and love them, but my dad’s alcoholism is really taking a toll on me. Even with therapy, keeping busy, and straight ignoring him or avoiding him I feel so worn down. My relationship with him is much better when I’m away.

Before surgery, I remember hearing how my relationship with food would change. How food will no longer be my “best friend” and my tastes for certain foods would change and I wouldn’t want to eat the same foods I used to eat.

Uh, wrong. This last holiday season was really hard for me. I wanted a freakin cookie or a slice of pumpkin pie. I wanted a tamale and a piece of pan dulce. I wanted to fill my plate like everyone else. But I couldn’t and I didn’t. I have changed my eating habits, this is true, but I still feel the same about food. I miss it, even obsess over it. You would think that after losing all this weight, I would just be greatful and not think twice (more like 10times) about eating something I shouldn’t. I’m torturing myself and I don’t know why.

Instead of eating all the crap I used to and wish I could eat, I’ve resorted to surrounding myself with “healthier” options. The only problem with this is I over load. I snack, a lil nuts here, pita chips there, cheese, peanut butter filled pretzels, popcorn. If it’s bite sized and low in fat and sugar, I buy it. My desk here at work looks like I’m preparing for some sort of natural disaster.

I find myself going to the grocery store and buying stuff I don’t need. I just want soy milk and I leave with enough food to feed myself for the rest of the week. It’s comforting or something. I don’t get it. The only difference is instead of going to McDonald’s, I’m walking to Trader Joe’s.

Unfortunately, my pouch is pretty happy all the time, no issues with anything lately ( I still haven't tried anything with more that 10g of sugar though. Carbs are another story). Right out of surgery, I was so good. I never tested the waters, had no appetite. Now, I feel like it’s back, no hunger-just appetite. Damn you ghrelin. I only lost like 5 lbs this month. Is the so called honey moon over? I’m still so far from where I want to be.

Weird title, but I have a story to go along with it. Haven’t blogged in a while, it’s been crazy at work and then I had vacation. I usually write while there. Things have been going pretty well. I was getting a lil worried about the weightloss or lack of. I actually gained a pound last week. I have to keep telling myself to look at the big picture. 124lbs is not too shabby, right?

My hair was falling out like crazy. It’s finally slowing down, I think. One big clump as opposed to 3 or 4 huge ones. I am eating a lot more and making myself drink a protein shake everyday. It totally makes a difference.

Now my story. Last week my cousin and his wife came from Mexico to visit us. We all sat down and had dinner with the family, pizza. I didn’t eat pizza opting for some antipasta salad and a chicken wing. My dad is really proud of my weightloss. So much so that he took it upon himself to mention how “skinny” I was and how much weight I lost to my skinny/normal size cousins. They never met me before so they never got to see me pushing 400lbs. I then felt like I had to explain to them what he meant, the surgery, etc. They were very sweet and didn’t make me feel like I was a freak. They are pretty old school where they are from (at least that’s how I remember it, Suzy ;) ), so that was a relief. Glad I got that out of the way and done with. But nope. Like 3 days later, we had an enchilada dinner and as I sat there peeling away most of the tortilla, disecting my poor enchilada my dad noticed and chimed in. In Spanish “poor Lucy! Look how she eats now… if you could have seen her before…she was huge!! Fue una cosa tremendo!!” I know I turned ten shades of red. My cousin sensed my discomfort and loudly interupted my dad and changed the subject. As the topic died down, my dad continued in with the “she was huge!!” rant. And my cousin again changed the subject, thank god. As I think back, I wonder why I felt so embarassed. I know I was huge, ginourmous, super morbidly obese, I know, hence the surgical intervention. But hearing my dad say it. It just hurt. It really did. He had never made fun of my weight or made me feel bad about it before. I know he didn’t mean to hurt me. But I couldn’t help but feel my self worth drop to the floor. Atleast my old self. Even though he is proud of who I am now, his comments made me feel like he wasn’t proud of who I was 124 lbs ago.

At 245, I’m not skinny, and my brain is still 369lbs. I think that is why it hurt, mentally I still feel 369. Boy I got issues. Ha. The whole mental part of this process is so much more difficult then the physical. I've been so lucky, healthwise, no complications. To think my cheap ass wanted to stop seeing my therapist cuz I hate paying a co pay. Looks like I will be visiting the couch for a while.