stop avoiding old friends because of my weight

Well it’s been one hell of a month, both good and bad.  I can't believe it’s already been a month.  I am not up to par on vitamins, protein, food intake or water but I am pretty close.  I was walking 2 miles everyday but my husband brought home bronchitis from work and I have been very sick for almost 2 weeks.  I have also platued.  I think this is because I have not been able to get my protein in and exercise while sick. 

Water is going down great now. I am so relieved about that.  I have thrown up everyday.  I can't do chicken or turkey unless it’s a deli sliced.  Anything other than that, no matter how moist or saucy, I will throw it up.  I have taken two bits of ground beef and had absolutely no problem.  I am still struggling with eating to fast or too much.  I pay the price, let me tell you.

Overall, if it were not for the bronchitis I think I would feel great.  I am down exactly 40 pounds, even with a stall.  I can't complain.  I think weight loss will slow way down in the upcoming months but that’s okay too. 

Three weeks out in 2 days.

So I went and had my second live xray done...you know the one you have to drink the horrible barium!?  This last time I kept gaging so bad it brought me to tears in the xray room.  He said I have slight narrowing but its likely swelling.  I have yet to hear anything from my doctors office however.

I am really struggling with eating any meat whatsoever.  I throw up every time.  Its awful.  They say that means I am either eating to big of pieces or to fast.  At this point, I have tried so damn hard on both  I can honestly say...no matter what anyone tells me..I disagree.  Having no meat at this point has made it next to impossible to get even 20 grams of protein in.  Overall, I am having a very hard time emotionally with this.  Its making me not want to have food at all, which is also scary.  I barely even have a 1/4 cup of food a day!  The reprecusions of eating more simply is not worth it.  Telling my doctors office isn't helpful either.  They lecture me, make me feel very defensive and tell me everything is my fault.  I am wondering if this will ever get better.  I guess they call this..."the buyers remorse" stage. 

Its exactly one week post op.  My surgery day and few days there after were honestly hell on earth.  I definitely under estimated that LOL!  I large part of my problem was some major breathing complications which resulted in me staying in the hospital a total of 5 days.  I didn't mind at all though, infact I am very greatful to have stayed longer and be able to get everything under control before coming home. 

I am having a very hard time drinking water.  I love water, but now it hurts my belly to drink it. I have tried all sorts of temperatures but still, no luck.  Food, well thats another story.  I see the pizza commercials and think how I would love to have that but when I go down to eat anything I have no desire to eat anything.  Not one thing.  Even if that pizza was in front of me, I really think I would not want to really eat that either.    I think it will pass though. 

The Weight Breakdown:

261 the week of surgery
253 the day of surgery
239 one week post op!  OMG, is right!

Feeling better each day and may even try to do a movie tonight!

Well the time is here.  I can't believe its happening. For the longest time, even a few days ago I was sure that something would prevent me from having it.    As many times as I read the material, connect with this board etc., I still feel like I am not prepared.  Not emotionally, just with things I have packed, things I have purchased for post op and perhaps I feel like there is still I need to know for post op but don't.  Its just anxiety but its lingering uninvited nonetheless.

I took the magnesium citrate at 1pm.  It nearly made me gag.  It surprisingly was better than I anticipated though.  Its now 5:30 and I have only had 1 bowel movement which is probably to much information ha ha.  I am a bit concerned though.  I have a 90 minutes massage tonight at 8:30...lets cross our fingers that I have everything out before then ha ha. 

Am I nervous...a bit.  More nervous about post op than the surgery itself.  I think I will sleep just fine tonight.  It still doesn't feel real...

I feel very blessed to have this chance.  I will see you all on the flip side~!

One month from today!  Well, this year is surely the year of change.  I turn the big 30 on wednesday and exactly one month from today I start my journey.  It all seems like perfect timing.  I would not say I am excited though, I would call it more of a feeling of just being "ready."  The first time around of trying to get approved I was so excited I could hardly contain myself.  Now having been denied and appealed with surprising victory, I am more realistic about it and just "ready" more than anything. 

My fears are not the surgery, which it always has been.  Now I find my fears mostly being the first 3 months post op.  I am also very uncomfortable with this whole catheter issue I have been told I must have ha ha.  I wonder if the doctor takes bribes...