ObesityHelp

I really need to come on here and update more often.  I can't believe that I haven't updated my blog since January!!!  Well I'm still maintaining.  My weight fluctuates up and down about 5 pounds.  I've been maintaining at 220 lbs since December 07 and I'm not sure how I did that considering I haven't been doing what I know I should - lacking on the protein, exercise, and everything.  The only positive is that I haven't gained any weight.  I made up my mind that I will take it a day at a time and get myself back in the gym tomorrow.  I can't use the "I'm too big, it's too hard" excuse anymore.  I'm just lazy and that's the bottom line.  I love the way I feel after working out, especially when I get a good sweat going. 

I'll be having plastic surgery next month (breasts and arms) and I'm soooo excited about that.  I thought that I could deal with the sagging skin, but I can't.  My arms bother me the most and let's not even talk about the breasts because I don't have any.  Can someone tell me how I go from wearing a 48H to a 38DDD and have very little breast tissue?!  *shaking my head*  Anyway, I'm looking forward to having this surgery and getting rid of the "bat wings."  After I've healed from that I'm gonna get a tummy tuck and thigh lift and that will complete my transformation.  I believe that my expectations about the surgeries are reasonable.  I'm not trying to look like a barbie doll, but the spare tire and jiggly thighs gotta go and no amount of exercise is gonna make that muffin top go away :). 

I can't believe how far I've come.  Sometimes it's hard to maintain that fire in my belly that I had when I first started on this journey because it's so easy to become complacent, but I aim to fix that and get back to basics.  I can't have everything I've gone through be in vain. 

I frequent this board, but don't update my blog like I should.  January 31 will make one year since I had my surgery and I can't even believe how fast this year has gone by.  It turned out to be one of the best years of my life and the surgery gave me a second chance at life.  For all of the ambivilance I had and not being sure, I can't imagine my life being any other way now.  I couldn't imagine being 375 pounds again.  

I can't front....my new body still takes some getting used to.  I was overweight way longer than I've been at a normal body weight.  I was depressed a lot when I was over weight; I was miserable, and there was nothing to be happy about.  I just was telling my friend the other day how that (mental part) has changed for me as well.  Dealing with the emotional part of being overweight was tough.  I went through the gamut of emotions.  One day I'd be okay and then I'd have days when it felt like I was on the edge of the ledge ready to jump!  

So where am I now?  I really need to step up the workouts.  I can use the next month that I have off from school to get things really going again.  It's nice just to have the energy to work out.  I don't dread working out like I used to.  True story; there were times when I would go to the gym, well I would be in the parking lot and sit there in my car long enough to talk myelf out of going in!  At 375 lbs even walking on a treadmill was tough.  I think that I'm gonna get a personal trainer just to get me on the right track.  

Now I'm at 233 pounds.  I've lost nearly 140 pounds and I continue to be amazed.  I truly know how good God is.  I thank him every day for my life.  So for those you reading this and contemplating having the surgery, just know that this could possibly be the very best thing you ever do for yourself.  I didn't just get to the point to where I was tired of being tired.  I got to the point to where I was tired of being tired of being tired all the time and it was do or die.  I chose to live and I'll never regret that decision.