I guess I should tell all you wonderful people a little about 'moi'!  Here goes.....

I'm a married mother of 3 (11, 13, and 15).  My husband and I will celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary tomorrow (July 11), but we have been together for almost 27 years!  Yes, all of our children were at the wedding!!!!  We seem to do everything a little backwards!  

I just turned 42 years young on July 2!  I am about 5'5" and currently weigh 256 lbs.  I can't believe I'm putting that in print, but I suppose that is a big step in accepting that this is more than just a problem with self control, and actually is a serious medical condition!  WOW.....I think that was a big step for me.  I just told my husband how much I weigh for the first time in about 20 years, and I was soooo embarrassed.  Isn't that sad, it's quite a statement on the power this weighty problem holds over me. 

Anyway, I wasn't always 'fluffy'!  When I was a teen I was very thin and fit, and I have to admit that I liked it that way...I imagine my husband did too, though he'd never admit that!   I really miss those days!  Looking back, I now know just how lucky I was.  I know how mean kids can be, and at least I didn't have to go through that.  I can't imagine how painful that would have been, and I'm sorry for all of you that had to experience that.

I remember starting to gain weight when I was about 19.  I was still thin, by my standards today, but things started changing.  I couldn't eat whatever I wanted and not suffer the consequences for it.  My parents are both obese, and 4 of my 5 sisters struggle with their weight, so I should have seen it coming......hind sight.....   

When I was pregnant with my oldest (Christopher the Great!), I fealt really ill the entire time.  Whenever I saw my OB he would kind of stand back and look at me, and then reach out and feel my neck.  I was so stupid that I never even asked him what the heck he was doing!  Anyway, at my son's 6 week checkup, my PCP took some blood work from me and we found out that I have hypothyroidism (you'd think my OB would have found that...hmmm?).....explained the neck thing!  Also explained the difficulty I was having losing weight.  Between that and my genes, well, you get the picture.  

I, like many of you, have been on every diet imaginable!  If my doctor knew all that I have done, he would ring my neck!! 

A few years back I decided it was time to get back in the workforce (I was a stay at home mom from the time I got prego with my first).  I took a job doing what I loved best, woodworking, and within two weeks had managed to cut a tendon in my hand with a wood chisel (OUCH!!!).  I not only permanently injurred myself, I also had to give up that work, and my hobby (which I just loved!) in the process!  Since I was hurt on the job, Workman's Comp retrained me.  I was a bookkeeper prior to having my kids, so they were 'kind' enough (that's sarcasm) to retrain me in accounting.  I never, ever wanted to do that type of work again, but them's the breaks!  That's when the depression started...

I got a job with a wonderful firm, I loved the people there, but it was soooo stressful!  And on top of that, I was on my but in front of a computer all day long!  Not good!  After about 18 months my body was beginning to rebel.  I had developed double vision and had gained a ton of weight, I was having severe palpitations and was just exhausted.  I went to the doctor and was put on antidepressants, a puffer, and for the first time in my life got a blood pressure reading that scared the bajeesus out of me!  By that point my family had been begging me to quit working as I was just useless at home 'cause I fealt like garbage all the time.  I decided enough was enough, and I went back to the life of a stay at home mom.  

My doctor explained to me that he didn't think I should focus on losing weight, because with my history, it could be pretty much impossible, and that I should just focus on getting healthy and feeling better, mentally and physically.  He wanted me to start walking, for just 5 minutes a day, and then increase that by 5 minutes each week or so until I got up to an hour a day.  I have always loved going for walks, so this was fine by me, and my dog loved it too!  It took me about 3 months to get to the point where I was walking and hour a day, just as he had suggested, and I was feeling much better!  I wasn't losing any weight, but at least I had stopped gaining!  

Life has a funny way of throwing a wrench in the works when things seem to be going well.....

I have always done alot of volunteer work for my kid's schools (teachers are my favourite people!).  One day I was at the school explaining the parent council bookkeeping to the secretary, and on my way out, wouldn't you know it, I broke my *@#$&% ankle!!  I'd never broke a bone before, and that was surely not the bone I would have chosen given a choice!  

It wasn't a bad break, as far as broken ankles go, if that's possible!  But, for some reason, it just didn't want to heal.  Looking back, my PCP said it very well could have been because of my weight.  Makes sense to me.  Anyway, I hobbled around on a broken ankle for SIX MONTHS!!!!  Can you imagine....   boy was I grumpy!!  In the end, it had to be operated on to be repaired.  Sad.....sad....sad....

So....I'm back to building up my daily walking.  Being off my feet for about 8 months sure didn't do me any favours.  I gained another 33 lbs (my avatar was taken in the school, a week before my accident, so I'm fluffier than that now!), I sweat nonstop, my heart pounds all the time, even when I'm resting, and I have acid reflux so bad that I wake up choking in the middle of the night (that is, when I can sleep).  I can't laugh or cough or sneeze without peeing on myself (gross!), and I don't sleep much because I think about how fat I am every single minute of every single day and night.  I sometimes spend my nights pacing the floor 'cause I just can't get comfortable anymore......

WOW....am I a bummer!  Sorry for that.  I really am a very happy person deep, deep......deep down inside.  I'm just in need of some help 'cause this thing has gotten way beyond my control, and seems to be getting the better of me.  

To make a long story long, that's why I'm here folks!  I'll be here for you, and I hope you'll be here for me too.  It's gonna get better....I can feel it!!  

Hugz.....Maggie 


UPDATE!!!  

Upon reviewing the lovely tale set out before you on this page, I realise I left out one very improtant piece of information!  In addition to all of the issues that I listed that have all had a major impact on my weight gain, the one I left out is pretty obvious.......SOMETIMES, I EAT TOOOOO MUCH!!!!!