Month 1: 28 lbs. (this includes 2 week pre-op so really 6 weeks... I lost 14lbs on that)
Month 2: 6 lbs.
Month 3: 6 lbs.
Month 4: 6 lbs.
Month 5: 6 lbs.
Month 6: 5 lbs.
6 month average loss - 9.50lbs (if you remove liquid pre-op 7.16lbs)
Month 7: 5 lbs.
Month 8: 7 lbs.
Month 9: 2 lbs.
Month 10: 5 lbs.
Month 11: 4 lbs.
Month 12: 4 lbs.
Month 6-12 average loss - 4.50lbs
Month 13: 4 lbs.
Month 14: 3 lbs.
Month 15: 7 lbs.
Month 16: 2 lbs. - 100lbs lost since surgery
Month 17: 0 lbs.
Month 18: 0 lbs. 
Month 13-18 average loss - 2.66lbs
Month 19: 0 lbs.
Month 20: 7 lbs. - NUTs goal weight of 145
Been holding steady since! I am now almost 23 months out!

I started thinking about this last night as I was sitting in the tub watching my belly flub float to the top of the water. I am a long ways off from plastic surgery and its hard to accept that I will have to live with this thing hanging off me for another year, or two years, three years until I can get it removed.

Do you ever feel badly about letting yourself get so fat? 
My WLS journey has been a smooth one. Its been pretty much 'uncomplicated' and 'easy'. I did do a lot of work pre-op, have a lot of post-op friends (6+ years out) and for the most part new 99% of what to expect. Im not saying everybody has it easy but this has been *my* journey. Yes Ive struggled some or hit rough patches... but at this point I can look back and say it really wasnt all that bad... no matter how bad it may have seemed at the time. Because of this tool I was able to lose weight, I have been able to keep it off... I am no longer addicted to food (once an addict, always an addict, I still keep that the back of my mind thou!!!)... that voice in my head that use to obsess about eating is gone... while I still make 'poor choices' on occasion overall I am a zillion times better than I was 2 years ago. I have a new found love of exercise and pushing my body... I love to challenge myself with running and push further and further each time... when I want to stop I push and run harder - I am amazed at myself and my ability.

Now here comes the guilt. I look at my body... its so damaged and its my fault. I got fat.... stretch marks... creaky knees.... joint pain... wiggle jiggle flab... how did I let myself get this way? I am only 29 years old and facing 30-40,000 worth of plastic surgery just to look 'normal' (I dont need it, but yes I want it). I could have taken care of what I had from the beginning and never have been in this boat. Its hard to deal with these feelings... the rational me knows I couldnt have done this on my own, no way - the emotional me feels I did it this time so I could have before... but again I needed to tool. I feel my body gives me so much now... how could I have abused it for so long? I do not give into the "its my fault feelings" but sometimes its hard not to think about them. I know its not my fault specifically its a lot of factors that make up obesity... but since its me and my body how could I not think that on occsaion? This is definately a feeling I didnt have earlier out - its amazing how our feelings change at the different stages of the WLS process.

Lately I have been feeling fat. I look down and see my big ole belly.. its especially bad when I sit down and it squishes all out. So unattractive. I look at my spare tire hanging over my belt as well... the way my thighs spread when I sit. I feel pretty good standing up... just sitting down everything goes to hell - lol. I think about PS and its just so out of reach.. why does it have to be so expensive? I feel like I need to lose more weight because of this excess but know it just needs to be chopped off. I know Ive brought this up before but Im again struggling with accepting the post-WLS body. 
Ive been trying to eat more calories and I think that contriubes as well - the old mentality of eating a lot so Ill get fat kind of thing. I know I need to eat more based on my RMR but its tough to do so in more ways than one. 
Bathing suit season, I think thats another reason for my feeling fat. I cannot find a suit that fits properly. My boobs shrunk so much and they hang down I just look awful in suits. Its like I need a bra under my suit to look 'normal'. Ive tried on zillions and cannot find something suitable. I bought swim shorts in a medium but my tire hangs out over the top, I went back and also bought a large but they are a little too big but hides the top gut better... just cant win eh? Last summer was I was around 170ish and feel I looked better because I was more 'filled out'... now I am more deflated and you can really see if once then clothes start comming off. 

I started a new job last week and I am struggling with figuring out how to eat. Since surgery I have stuck to my eating schedule and now its all a jumble. I know it will take time for me to get it ironed out but felt like stating this here - why? because no matter how far out you are from surgery you always need to be concious of your eating.
Thankfully I have only been scheduled 2-3 nights during the week. On those days I work 745-445 at job#1 and 530-930 at job#2... typically I eat dinner between 7-8, at work I only get a 10 minute break. I am not allowed to have water at the register (check out girl!)... so its hard to balance the eating and drinking. 10 minutes isnt long and I hate to rush my eating and scarf food. I cannot eat dinner during that 445-530 break because thats too early. Eating dinner when I get off at 930 also stinks because I am in bed shortly thereafter because I am exahusted. 
I have been super off track lately... last night I ate two dinners - one at work, the second at home. I have been eating a lot of sugar lately as well. I had my physical last week and am waiting for the bloodwork, so that could be a piece of the puzzle when it comes to eating. I ramped up my workouts back in Jan and feel like perhaps I need to be eating more. The combo of working out, possibly something showing in my bloodwork and the new job is making me a mess! :-) I am very sad that I cant work out like I was... I really enjoyed it :-( I am working out when I can but each week that changes.... at least at the 2nd job I am on my feet and moving around so hopefully that will help a little. 
Anyways, it just stinks to feel out of control - its hard not sticking to my normal plan and trying to figure out what to eat and when. I feel like I am eating so much but I am really eating a lot of times, just not a lot of volume. I am exhausted by the time I leave job #2 so I think I am using the sugar to help me make it thru the shift. Who knows. 
Tonite I am going to run a 5k, going to do it again Sunday too... I am looking forward to getting out there and getting my sweat on. Im going to the grocery store tonite to pick up a bunch of easy options so I can grab and go, this past week my BF ate most of the stuff I picked up and that doubly messed me up - bastard!
Anyways, thats my saga

http://health.msn.com/fitness/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100185367&Gt1=10815

On Tuesday 1/22/8 I started a body makeover plan I printed from MSN. It claims results in 2-4 weeks. I took pictures and did my measurements/ weight which I will eventually post below. Im going to follow up with measurements/weight in two weeks and again at four weeks. Depending on the results at four weeks I may stick to the plan for six weeks! My goal is to get down to 145lbs and see how many inches I can lose, I also want to tone up. The plan combines weight training and cardio - you are to do it 3 non-consecutive days a week. In addition to that I am going to try to do cardio another 2-3 days a week and take Sunday as a rest day :-)

**1/29/8 I decided for the first two weeks I would do the BMP plan just once, next week I am planning on doing it two times each time I do it... my legs are pretty sore as well as my abs. The scale hasnt moved yet but I know from previous experience when I ramp up a workout my body just stops until it figures out whats going on. Im looking forward to checking my inches at the end of this week!

**2/5/8 Last night I checked my inches and they are the same... also the scale has gone up to 151! I know this is 'normal' and I just need to wait it out but I am hoping for some results people!! I put on a shirt yesterday I hadnt worn in a while and it was fitting a little more loose which is a good sign. When I look in the mirror I feel I am starting to see some changes. This week I am bumping up the BMP to doing it twice in a row and Ive added a few more exercises in as well. I am excited for these next two weeks to pass! Hopefully there will be a few visual changes to see!

2/16 update - it has been four weeks since I started and the plan didnt lie - I do see results. My arms are more toned, my legs are more toned and Ive lost weight in my upper AND lower abdomen. I checked my inches and they are the same - however I have lost 6lbs AAAAAANNDDDD I am able to fit into size 8 jeans now!!! I am going to follow this plan for another 2 weeks then switch to something new. I am amazed at the changes in my body! I checked my inches and didnt see a change but I am wearing smaller pants so who knows - Im sure eventually the tape measure will reflect the difference!

Work outs - 
1/22 Tuesday - 45 mins BMP (body makeover plan)
1/23 Wedesday - 60 mins cardio
1/24 Thursday - 45 mins BMP
1/25 Saturday - 45mins BMP
Total 195 mins
1/28 Monday - 55mins BMP
1/29 Tuesday - 30mins cardio
1/30 Wednesday - 60mins BMP
1/31 Thursday - 50mins cardio
2/1 Friday - 50mins BMP
2/2 Saturday - 30mins cardio
Total 275 mins
2/4 Monday - 60mins BMP
2/5 Tuesday - 45mins cardio
2/6 Wednesday - 60mins BMP
2/7 Thursday - 30mins cardio
2/8 Friday - 30mins cardio
2/9 Saturday - 50mins BMP
Total 275 mins
2/11 Monday - 55mins BMP
2/12 Tuesday - 50mins cardio
2/13 Wednesday - 55mins BMP
2/14 Thursday - 50mins cardio
2/15 Friday - 40 mins cardio
2/16 Saturday - 60mins BMP
2/17 Sunday - 40mins cardio
Total 350
2/19 Tuesday - 60mins BMP
2/20 Wednesday - 45mins cardio
2/21 Thursday - 35mins cardio
2/23 Saturday - 60mins BMP
Total 200
2/25 Monday - 50mins cardio
2/26 Tuesday - 60mins cardio
2/27 Wednesday - 50mins cardio
Total 160
3/3 Monday - 40mins cardio
3/4 Tuesday - 40mins cardio
3/7 Friday - 40mins cardio
3/9 Sunday - 40mins cardio
Total 160
3/10 Monday - 40mins cardio
3/13 Thursday - 30mins cardio
3/15 Saturday - 60mins cardio
Total 130
3/22 Saturday - 50mins cadio
Total 50

4/1 Results, so I slacked posting this... nor have I taken any photos, maybe this week lol. Anyways, I was very impressed with this workout and reccomend it highly... my legs and arms showed excellent improvement and I have much more stamina now than previously. I lost the few pounds I wanted and now fit into a size 8/medium where before I was teetering in the 10/large size. It was an easy workout to follow and didnt require much and could be done at home. Adding the additional cardio inbetween sets is key to really maximizing the workout.