I can't believe it's been a whole year already!  I can honestly say that at no time have I regretted having my RNY.  Has it changed my life?  Honestly - no, it hasn't - but...  has it improved my life?  That is a resounding YES!

I've posted some new pictures, but  seriously - I pretty much lost all my weight in the first 6 or 7 months and have just been "coasting" since then, so I don't think I look any different since my last update.

I have to admit to some arrogance in my earlier posts.  Like when I claimed that the weight just dropped off "like magic"!  Sure, it did - at first... but then, right around 6 months (just like they said it would) it stopped.  Of course it's probably no coincidence that right around 6 months was the time I discovered that I did not "dump" anymore.  Dang it...! So much for magic!  :)

These days my plan is not to lose any more weight, but just to keep from ever regaining it.  So far I've been able to balance things out and am using what I have learned to eat properly (more often than not anyway).  I saw my Surgeon for my 1 year checkup and he verified my vitamin levels and cholesterols and whatever else it is that they check is all in the "awesome" range - so I will just keep doing what I've been doing!

So, you might be asking - in what ways has my life improved?  Well, first off - I lost 100 pounds... and of course along with that comes the types of changes you'd expect... like "feeling" healthy,  increased self-confidence, climbing stairs without even considering a detour for the elevator, wearing boots because they're easy to get on/off, getting all upset because you find a dress you just love but the only size left is a 10 (and you needed a 6!)... oh yes, this is definitely better!

Then there are some unexpected changes... like the way other people treat you.  I think if you haven't ever been fat and invisible then you have no idea just how different that treatment really is.  Have you ever seen those "news" shows where some cute girl dresses up in a fat suit (ooooh.. look now she's a size 12!) and goes out with hidden cameras to see if she really gets treated different?  Well, the girl usually ends up in tears because even tho some of it is very subtle (some of it is not) but the overall way people treat you "before and after" is undeniably different.  Well, I am not a cute girl in a fat suit being treated badly... I'm a fat girl in a cute suit being treated considerably better than I'm accustomed.  It's not that I can't get used to it (this is definitely better) but it is a difference I didn't really expect.

I probably won't update again for awhile, like I said - I'm mostly just coasting along now, and don't expect any more big changes... but I really do want to thank all the people who have written me about how my profile/photos/journey has helped and/or inspired them!  It never ceases to amaze and thrill me... after all, that is the whole point of sharing this extremely personal experience, and I hope you are then encouraged to share your own story.

~Marilyn

Today I went in for my 6 month checkup, and I'm happy to report that everything is absolutely terrific, and all my lab numbers are perfect.  So far - I’ve lost 2.5 inches off my neck, 10 inches from my hips, 8.5 inches off each thigh and an entire foot (the 12 inch kind) from around my waist.  I weighed in at 165 so that brings my total weight loss so far to exactly 88 lbs!  Not bad for a few months work, eh?  :)

I was looking back over the stuff I wrote before surgery and have to say I'm really glad I did things like come up with my "list" (if you can't see my list on this main page anymore, it's rolled over into the archives) because, believe it or not, it's SO easy to forget how you felt.  So many things on "the list" no longer apply and I don't even have to think about them anymore.  I am happily tucking in shirts (and wearing belts) my knees don’t creak, I can fill the bath waaaaay up and climb right on in!  I guess it's just those little things... the ones that you only notice when you can't do them.  If you are still pre-op, I strongly advise writing a "list" of your own, because it's really fun to read it now and just shake my head.  It's kind of weird, because the weight came off so quickly and yet it feels completely natural to be the size I am now.  Odd.  Anyway, the Dr says he expects I’ll lose another 40 or so lbs and I may actually have to work at not losing too much!  Yea… ok… I'll believe THAT when I see it!  :)

Ok so here’s my update on what I've learned in 6 months (in no particular order).

Hair Loss - This was a pretty big issue for me.  I knew I wouldn't like it.  Everyone told me it would be coming.  I knew good and well it was coming, and thought I was all prepared for it... It came and I nearly cried!  It was very sudden - one morning as I came out of the shower and combed my hair, there was much more of it in the comb than normal.  MUCH MUCH more.   When it comes, there is no mistake that it has arrived.  It’s like someone turned on the hair faucet.

Here, I could give you all kinds of encouraging words, like "it's only temporary" and "don't worry, it won't ALL fall out" and so on, but if you're like me, when it happens to you - you'll feel like crying anyway.  I decided to get my hair (what was left of it - sniff!) cut short because that way it "felt" like I was losing less of it... day after day, week after week, there was SO much hair coming out in my brush... but then, after maybe 6 or 7 weeks… almost as suddenly as it started, it just stopped.  Of course, there is still hair that comes out in my brush, but it's back down to "normal" pre-my-hair-is-falling-out-I'm-going-to-go-bald-and-there's-nothing-I-can-do-about-it-woe-oh-woe-is-me stage.  I can't say it helped or didn't help, but as soon as the hair loss started I went to Target and picked up a bottle of Biotin.  I've been taking one a day and maybe that’s why it stopped or maybe it’s not, but I'm going to err on the side of caution and at least finish the rest of the pills.  If the hair loss comes back, I know where to get another bottle!

Bathroom Blues No More - In my previous post, I mentioned how the “all protein” diet lacks fiber and the ensuing problems that posed.  I just couldn’t get myself excited about benefiber or whatever that stuff is you pour into your water, so I discovered that popping a prune or two every day or so does the trick quite nicely (and I even like them, so that’s a bigger bonus!).  According to the nutrition label (something to which I actually pay close attention these days) you can eat up to 5 of them before the sugar count goes above 10 (the magic number my NUT told me to stay under).  So anyway, take that for whatever it’s worth, but it sure worked for me!

Unrecognizable? – I’ve had the intense pleasure of not being recognized on several occassions!  Oh sure, the puzzled looks are fleeting while the person who hasn’t seem me since say, before November’ish realizes who I am, so it’s not like I’m completely unrecognizable… but even for those few moments... it’s pretty fun!  I know that I look much much much better than I did before, so no, I’m not one tiny little bit offended when people tell me that I “sure look different”!  I do...  and it’s a very good thing.

Bones  - Guess what?  I actually have some!  I can’t say I’ve had a lot of your standard “wow” moments like the ones you always hear about.  Like I said before, it’s kind of weird, but buying smaller clothes, fitting in theatre seats, moving your car seat forward a notch, etc… those just feel normal or natural to me now...  But wanting to carry a pillow around because my butt bones hurt after sitting for awhile simply because there isn’t enough “natural cushioning” left back there, or actually being able to feel my hip bones pressing against my jeans… is just… wow!  Of course, I always figured I had a skeleton under all that padding but there was never any real proof (other than the occasional x-ray - but seriously, when they go into that little back room, they could bring out anyone’s bone pictures and it’s not like you would be able to tell).  So that’s my big “WOW” thing.  I have bones.  Lots of them, apparently!

WOW – Ok… so now that I think about it, I realize there are some other “wow” things I have experienced, even if not standard fare… When I sit down to eat a (literal) cup of food and feel completely full and satisfied.  I think about how large my pre-surgery portions were.  WOW!  When I stop to read the nutrition label on something and then put it back because the numbers aren’t what I wanted to see, I think about the fat and sugar I mindlessly shoveled into my mouth before.  WOW!  When I jog up a flight of stairs and don’t’ even feel winded.  WOW!  When my little niece smiles and proclaims that she can fit her arms “all the way around me” now.  WOW!  When I put something on and feel good about how I look, I no longer wish they would change the dress-code at work to allow sweat pants.  WOW!  I look at my “before” pictures and stare into a bloated face I no longer recognize as mine.  WOW!

Well... till next time,
Marilyn

I know I know...  it's been awhile since I've updated (like about 3 months, duh!)

I have to say I've learned a lot of things in these past 3 months.  I know everyone's experience will differ, but for me... this surgery was like someone waved a magic wand over my big belly and said "Get the $%@! out of here!!!"

Ok, first some quick stats:

So far... I've lost a total of 65 pounds and nearly 30 inches!  That includes 5 inches from my thigh, 6 from my hips, and 8 from my belly!!  (fireworks, streamers, whistles, party horns and all around cheering in the background!)

So what have I learned?  Here are the ins and outs (in no particular order).

All Hail Refried Beans!  I was extremely diligent about sticking to Dr orders on the liquid stages (both pre and post op) so by the time I was allowed "mushy" foods at two weeks post-op, I had been drinking every meal I ate for 6 solid weeks!  Enter refried beans... they have protein (add a few sprinkles of shredded cheese and they have even more!) about 30 seconds in the microwave and you have yourself a small bowl of pure heaven!  Of course there are other "mushy" foods you can eat at this stage, but for some reason, those beans will forever hold a special spot in my ever-shrinking belly!

(This section is directly out of the book called "Do as I say and not as I do!" - I think my parents wrote it!)  I have to admit that when it was time to graduate from liquids to "mush" at 3 weeks post op - I was a bad girl.  I'm sorry, but I knew in advance that there was no way I could put spaghetti and meatballs in the blender and "drink" it.  The thought still makes my stomach (er.. pouch) groan.  After all, the whole point is to NOT throw up, right?  I understand most everyone else did this stage and diligently pureed (and even liked) their food, but it just wasn't for me.  I decided to "puree" with my teeth instead, so I stuck to softer foods and just made sure I chewed completely each and every bite.  I knew I was taking a chance of being rushed to the ER with a "stuck" something or another - and then I would have to face poor Dr Koeplan (who did his best to warn me that skipping the pureed stage was a BAD idea).  I do want to point out that while it sounded simple enough at the time (famous last words) it is, of course, harder than it seems... it's SO easy to get distracted and accidentally swallow before you're ready... there's also that gag-reflex that makes you swallow anything that's in the back of your throat.  This is why skipping the pureed stage is not a good idea and I'm amazed I somehow managed to get through unscathed.

My thoughts on "Cheating".  There was a woman who posted a comment on the November Surgery board, innocently asking if anyone else "cheated" and sometimes sampled things they weren't supposed to.  You'd have think she smothered her body in bacon grease and walked into a bear cave, the way she was attacked!  But seriously... this isn't a "diet" we're on!  As long as you are following the rules, eating protein first, etc then what's a bite or two (every now and then) of our favorite foods?  I don't think it's realistic to say I'll never eat a chip again... but... you gasp!... aren't you afraid of returning to your old eating habits?  NO!  And here's why... First of all, I'm physically incapable of eating like I used to.  (for ME) my old eating habits were all about eating way too much, not necessarily of eating all the wrong things.  I was never a big candy bar/cookie/cake/soda type of person... I would sit down with a huge portion of pasta or a mammoth sized steak and eat way beyond the feeling of full.  I can't do that anymore, and foods like pasta no longer appeal to me, so no, I'm not worried about eating a bite of cookie or a handful of sun chips... sorry, but that's just the way I see it.

Bathroom Blues.  The only thing they don't tell you about eating everything protein... is that protein is not fiber.  I probably don't have to go into any more details than that!  When you are tempted to stop by the hospital and ask for an epidural before using the bathroom, you know you're in trouble.  Seriously, should it feel like giving birth?  I don't think so.  Will have to work on figuring how how to get sufficient fiber and hopefully have a good solution by my next update.

Is this the "Easy" way out?  That is such a good question, and one I've seen vehemently argued on various boards.  Again, the disclaimer that everyone is different... but for me, the answer is more "yes" than "no"... and I'm really sorry if that offends anybody.  The recovery from surgery was difficult (for a week or so) and I do get quite frustrated at times when I WANT to eat more of something because it tastes so dang good (but I can't/don't)... and once in awhile something gets stuck or affects me wrong (like... oops, apparently there was sugar in that sauce) and then I feel lousy for awhile, but I do find it extremely easy to eat the right things and avoid the wrong ones, and my portions are completely in control without me feeling like I'm dying of starvation.  So therefore, it's become easy for me to lose weight.... 

One of my co-workers is really struggling to lose about 40 lbs (the "old fashioned" way).  There is nothing wrong with that of course, but hers is a harder struggle than mine.  I am so tempted to tell her that I "cheated" and that's why my weight is falling off so quickly... I haven't said it.. but I almost feel like that.  She's eating twice what I do and she's starving.  I'm not.  Maybe that's why I even raised the question here.  I know it's a LOT different for those who have more than, say 150 lbs to lose, but during the 6 month period where weight loss is the most significant (and generally easiest), I will have lost most (if not all) of my excess weight.  (I only have maybe 25-30 more lbs to go at this point).

Please don't think I'm trying to sound self-righteous here.  How many different surgeries are performed in order to make a person's (whatever condition) easier to manage?  Having a surgery to make losing weight easier shouldn't have such a huge stigma attached to it (it's only because of how our society sees "fat" people).  Personally, I tried and tried to lose weight before surgery and was never successful.  Now I am being successful at it, and it's a whole lot easier than it was before... so isn't that the bottom line?

Would anyone accuse a heart patient of taking the "easy" way out by using surgery to save their life and getting their heart condition under control?  I don't know about you, but I was on the fast-track to a whole plethora of obesity-related diseases, most if not all of which are fatal.  Am I saying the two things (heart disease and obesity) are exactly the same?  Of course not... but the concept of using surgery to "fix" those conditions are.

We are a society obsessed with inventions/ideas/gadgets to make life easier.  Why should we (obese people) not get to join in?  The whole point of weight-loss surgery is to make losing weight easier... so why is there anything wrong with admitting that it does just that?

Like Magic.  Before surgery, I had lots of reservations.  I second guessed whether I was over-reacting to my weight.  I wondered how badly I would regret having an RNY if anything went "wrong".  I questioned why I was taking the “drastic” surgery route.  I couldn't have been more worried about nothing.

These days, when I look at my full-length profile in the mirror... I'm absolutely stunned because my belly is GONE!  (so is my chest but that's another story!!)  The point is that I no longer look pregnant, not even close.  I hold up a pair of jeans and swear they won't fit (but they do).  I don't shy away from stairs anymore.  I am no longer self-conscience of my size, in fact, I am rather proud of it.

I can feel my rib cage.  I have hip bones.  I only have one chin.  I have become a "plus-size clothing snob" and refuse to wear shirts that are too big for me.

I am transforming into a thin person and the only way I can describe it is... it's like magic.

Till next time...
Marilyn

I wanted to remember just what it was like for anyone who's pre-op and diligently doing their research (Shouldn't oh.com come with a warning? It's soooo addicting!). I realize each hospital/surgeon will be a bit different, but this is how it went for me:

I should point out that leading up to the surgery, I had lots of anxiety and fear but I was focused on the surgery itself rather than the aftermath. The surgery itself was a breeze, heck I pretty much slept right through the whole thing! (groans from the audience)

When I saw my Surgeon in the pre-op waiting room, my questions were all about how HE was feeling! I wanted to make sure he wasn't fighting with his wife, stressed by his kids, sat in traffic too long, drank too much coffee, etc. He tolerated my attempts at humor and assured me that he felt great. Good enough.

They had me laying on what they called a "hover mat" it was pretty cool because they blow air into it and then literally glide me from bed to bed (I swear if I worked there, we'd be having hover-mat races down the hallways!). They also had these leggings which kept pumping up with air (to help prevent blood clots). I have heard that most people don't like them much, but I thought it felt like a wonderful massage and asked the nurse if they made any for your feet! 

I remember being pushed down the hallway towards surgery. They had given me something to "relax" me. It was like you see in the movies, with the lights passing overhead. Then I was in the surgery room, covered with very warm blankets. There were faces hovering over me and I told them I was a bit nervous and they were smiling and saying it will be ok and then I was out.

Overall I'd say I was feeling pretty danged good after surgery... that is until they woke me up (grin). As soon as I started to wake up, my biggest pains were in my neck/shoulders - they must have you laying in some unnatural position on that operating table... - or it's that gas pain you hear so much about... and I had to go to the bathroom so bad it nearly brought me to tears. Somebody produced a bedpan but my internal "working" were probably still under anesthesia so they had to catheterize me. (still in the recovery room at this point). Just one more (not) fun thing to go through.

It didn't feel like I was in the recovery room long, they said they had to wake me up early because of the anesthesia, my sleep apnea was worse than ever and once the breathing tube was removed I couldn't maintain breathing very well and so my oxygen levels were dropping to very low levels. I have to say the rest of the day was pretty blurry. I was wheeled into my room where my poor sister had been waiting for HOURS - note to nurses... please give "realistic" expectations as to how long someone will likely be waiting!

Some highlights (and lowlights) (in no particular order)

OH Angel:

I highly suggest getting an OH Angel. My Angel helped me tremendously with both before and after support. She (and her Angel) visited me shortly after I returned to my room and while I was still very "out of it" at the time... their visit was hugely appreciated. (love ya Linda and Granny Eileen!!!!!!)

The Dry Mouth of Doom and Despair:

I could spend a month in the desert with no water and not have a mouth so dry!  There was this little "swab thingy" (I'm sure it has some dignified technical medical term but heck if i know what it is) that I could dip in water and rub inside my mouth (no swallowing) before trying to talk because when your lips are so dry they're sticking to your gums and your tongue feels like sandpaper it's pretty hard to get your words out correctly.  Fortunately, this was (aparently) a side effect of right after surgery and got considerably better after a couple of hours.

No Freely Pee:

Later on that evening, they started me sipping water which, fortunately didn't make me nauseous. I had to use the bathroom again (because of the IV fluids, not because I was drinking any significant amounts of water) but it was so hard to go! This could be because of the trauma of surgery, the lingering effects of the anesthesia or the fact that the Nurse was hovering right there and that just felt wrong! I finally took a lap or two around the nurses station (mind you these were not quick laps by any means) but that allowed gravity to do the trick and from that point on I could pee just fine.

Bari-Meals:

So in walks this skinny little girl with my breakfast tray. She looks at me, sets the tray down and says... here's your er... uh... "meal". Granted, this "meal" consisted of about a teaspoon of jello, a very small cup of chicken broth and one of watered-down apple juice, but she didn't have to say it like that! The sad thing is that I couldn't eat (er, I mean drink) it all!

Gurgle-Burp-Girl

Now, this didn't happen with the water, but boy that broth turned me into some kind of weird plumbing experiment! All of a sudden there were poppings, gurglings, burps, grindings and all kinds of mysterious noises coming from inside me as that broth made its way down. Very weird!

Stuck Pill:

Or can you say OUCH! This pill was roughly 1/4 the size of my pinky fingernail... seriously, but it got stuck in my chest, and let me tell ya that was about the worst feeling ever! Turns out that's what the internal swelling does for you (and that's why trying to eat anything in the near future would be a BAD idea!). I finally got it dislodged but just a warning for you. Getting something like that stuck is NOT a fun day in the park!

Free Entertainment:

While most people keep their hospital room doors shut or mostly shut, it's hard not to peek into the ones that are standing wide open when doing your laps around the nurse's station. One reason for this is that you are traveling roughly 1 foot per minute and you've simply run out of other things to look at in your immediate vicinity! Well I quickly learned why it's sometimes better to keep counting the carpet squares because there are some images you just don't need to have in your head. In this one room was an uh-hem... "Older" gentleman sitting on the side of his bed (facing the door of course) and he had a pillow case pulled over his head (minus the pillow) and... well.. aparently that was his fashion statement for the day because... that's ALL he was wearing.  As if the pain of getting a pill stuck wasn't enough! If that don't teach you not to look in the open doors, I don't know what will!

Well meaning comments?:

3 separate people (in the hospital) made comments to the effect of "why did you do this?" and "sorry, but you just don't look like our typical bariatric surgery patient". Apparently, the surgeon, the insurance company and my knees thought I was heavy enough to qualify... so while I'm pleased on one hand, I'm incredibly annoyed on the other (if that makes any sense). I am incredibly sore from surgery, barely able to drink even a small cup of broth and thoughts of "what have I done to myself" are already creeping into my head... the last thing I need is for people to reinforce that doubt. All I could say is, "100 lbs overweight is 100 lbs overweight, no matter what it looks like".

The first few days home:

Sleep sleep sleep! All I wanted to do was sleep and fortunately I was able to do just that. There aren't many times in life when it's possible to get all the rest/sleep you want so when you can, take advantage of it, that's my best advice. I wont' lie, it's very hard to get all the liquids/protein in that they say you need. I was given a goal of 40 grams of protein and 300-400 calories a day. Now if I had read this pre-op, I'd chuckle and say "RIGHT!" I easily downed 2000-4000 calories a day, are you kidding me? 300-400? Well, pre-op and post-op are two different worlds my friend! I used fitday.com to track exactly what I was eating (er, I mean drinking) and I was just barely making the required amounts. I think the water's the hardest because you have to drink SO much (64 oz a day) but you can only drink so much at a time. No gulping, chugging or just drinking fast at all. My #1 goal is to keep from throwing up (terrified of ripping stitches). I have to say that even following all the rules I had my first "Dumping" episode one day out. Dumping in itself is NOT fun, but add it onto the pain of surgery and you're having one bad day!

I had made some sugar-free CIB (Carnation Instant Breakfast - with fat free skim milk) and it made me dump! I still (very much) feel the surgery so this was sooooo not fun to go through... got all hot and sweaty, shakes and just generally felt pretty danged bad! It passed after a good 20 minutes or so, but I will stay away from CIB from now on... I have since come to realize that what made me dump is that I was forcing myself to finish the whole cup of CIB. I was so worried about not getting my liquids/protein in and so was ignoring my groucy-pouchy when it was saying "FULL!" and just kept sipping. Bad idea. 

Mental note: When Grouchy-Pouchy says she's full. Believe her.