ObesityHelp

I am cleared and back to work and feeling great.  I still have my drains in (nicely tucked in my bra (lol)) and my binder on.  I saw the plastic surgeon yesterday - I am doing fine and I look great - she did such a wonderful job.  No such luck with the drains - my output was over 60 ccs on each side so I will have to keep them in until they are under 35 cc in a 24 hour period.  The surgeon has said she has had patients have to keep the drains in for as long as 4-5 weeks - I am hoping I am not one of them but as she said it is better to have all that drainage out.  Nothing hurts and I feel great.  So I guess I will hold my horses and take it easy until the drains are removed.

I came back to work - thank God I do not do direct patient care - I am in administration so I do not have to worry about patient contact or anything of the sort - I basically push papers so I will be okay - if I get tired I will just go home - I have tons of PTO that I can used.

I stuck my drains in my bra and have the bulky binder under my clothes ... I can't wait to see what I look like without the binder and the drains and all the artifact under my clothing - hey - the old sista here is vain can't you tell (lol)...

This is me at work today...

and I still got legs (lol)...

OMG just in a few days ...I am going to have my jelly belly taken off.... I can't wait - I am exited now .. after meeting with the doctor yesterday I am confident that I am going to be just fine.... I am putting off the brachioplasty for a later date ... one step at a time here....

I am not wanting to let go of the summer ... I loved the lighter brighter clothes ... but the fall is getting nearer and I am ready ... I am going to be fruitful and enjoy all my seasons (lol)....

Today is too a day of reflection ... the day in which tragedy struck on 9/11 seven years ago ... I reflect and I pray.

This is my last few days .... getting ready to say goodbye to summer...and living the last few days with my jelly belly - its going to be finally whacked off - all that well concealed skin that just hangs and flaps and moves and rolls all on its own ... cut it OFF already (lol)....

...and to top is off I am such a whimp.  I was having a good day after cartwheeling all Sunday night after opening up my approval letter to have the excessive skin and subcutaneous tissue by lipectomy and panniculectomy removed from my abdomen - okay I was prepared for this ... I could not wait for this .. so pray tell why am I finding every excuse under the sun to get out of if??? am I nuts??

I was doing fine until my daughter told me our pictures on the 5K New Haven race was posted in one of those community newspapers ... she sent me the link and I downloaded the pictures.  It shows both of us running across the finish line - our timing was off as we were told initially ... the clock shows my daughter doing it in 32+ minutes and myself in 39+ minutes.  Not only did I run the entire 5K without stopping I had a backpack with weights in it because I was looking at it as a workout - I never thought I would make it but I did and I was ahead of a lot of others too.  Okay back to my point ... when I downloaded the pics from the link I went and zoomed on my pictures and saw my shrivelled up legs with a big flap of skin flying across my knees and I cringed - I go NOWHERE without my Leggs Support Hoses, I even wear them with my shorts, I even almost had a mishap in the water when I ventured out to the beach for the very first time in my swimsuit wearing my support hoses that stretched in the water and tangled itself around my feet (I posted about that mishap).  I can't believe I ran this 5K with all this jelly flapping around and paid no attention to it until these horrendous pics that I am posting of both me and my daughter crossing the finish line on Labor Day where I ran my first 5K ... get a grip Martita ... the objective was to do it and you did so don't sweat the little things - so you have flabby shriveled legs - so be it - next time don't forget your support hoses (lol)....

To top it all off - I like being symmetric and all in all I just love asymmetry - don't try to figure this one out - I am artsy fartsy and on top of it getting old even though I feel younger than ever in my life.  So today at 1:45 I get to go to Dr. Pan's office to schedule my tummy tuck and I am scared.  I am scared cacaless because I had a major complication following my WLS and I had to deal with a ton load of pain - buckling over, bending over, crippling pain and I know this is a totally different scenario but it just chickens me out anyway.  I am sitting here thinking .. okay I am going to get rid of the pannus flab and the horrendous episodes of rashes and irritations that it has caused - I will have a flattened out tummy and I will finally be able to look down and see parts of my anatomy that were hidden to my own eyes for years --- my apron of skin that is so well concealed under my support hoses will be gone for good --- but not the flabby legs --- so do I contemplate getting them fixed too or do I just pass on the tummy and that way I will be symmetrically flabby.  A lower body lift is out of our budget right now so it will the Leggs Support Hoses for a while to come.  Then there is the flap under my arms - the infamous batwings ... that I have saved to get done ... I even won a jackpot of $4,000 and stashed it away for that purpose too.  Since I am soooooooooo chicken about this pain thing I was hoping to have them both done at the same time - the tummy and the arms but thought better of it after a sista on here suggested I need my arms to help myself up and around after the tummy tuck and that makes sense - so I am going to hold back on that... now I am toying around with should I do my legs instead of my arms - my arms are not all that bad unless I have them in certain positions then the flab shows.  And right this minute I am thinking how stupid frivolous and vain I can be thinking about these trivial things when I could just leave my money in the bank and just remain the way I am - however that is not how I want to be ... when I can pinch my own skin accidentally because it is in the way I have a problem.  I have worked too hard ... suffered too hard.... travailed too hard... loved too hard and lived too hard to come to this point of my life that I am questioning myself if I should or should not do something for ME ... and you know what Martita, when you decided to take charge of your life and grab it out of the grip of your obesity related diseases you decided to do it for YOU ... so get a grip SISTA ... get your old butt off this pitty party ... get to the plastic surgeons office... schedule your surgery and take it from there ... it is all good ... Rome was not build in one day ... do the tummy first and then proceed cautiously from there ... cool .. I am still a bit scared but I will be going to my appointment....

Here are the official pictures from the New Haven Road Race of flabby me going across the finish line and daughter too .. our original timing was off by 3-4 minutes ... I was told I did it in 36 minutes but the clock at the races says 39+ so that must be accurate....hey I made it (lol) I can't believe I ran with a heavy bag on my shoulders for extra work out - needless to say my daughter packed some of her stuff in it too so I was her pack horse on top of it (lol) and I was so intent on running I did not even feel it (lol) - 18 months ago I could not even make it up a flight of stairs...

and here is me with my LEGGS SUPPORT HOSE ... the best thing for my flabby legs and tummy, holds me in all the way (lol) I should have had them on at the race ... when I zoomed in and saw that piece of flab accross my knee I zoomed back out real quick YIKES - maybe the legs need to get done before the arms ... Here is old flabby me with my LEGGS SUPPORT HOSE on - I will never leave home without them (lol).  And a tip for the sistas that is even better than Spanx - get you some Leggs Support Hoses ... cut one pair off at the top right before the reinforcement starts and use that as a panty and wear another as a full pantyhose ... no one would ever know you have a hanging pannus - try it you'll see (lol)

well this is really silly and goofy post because I am sooooooooo nervous do not ask me why - I have had 6 major surgeries and survived so what is up with me? ...I typed real quick on my break and not spell checked ... I have to get tons of things done then run to my plastics appointment at 1:45 pm today ... and I am just rambling on because I am nervous ... and scared ... yup I am a scared old fart and I am getting old - I will be 51 in December give me a break - maybe I should just gracefully back out and be symmetrically flabby or I should just get a grip and get my behind in gear and pursue what I have worked sooooo hard for - and that is what I am going to do - I will pursue.  Thank you sooooooooooo much for reading my silly banter.  I thank you all for your support and encouragement always.

... that 19 months ago today I could not run nor rush up the stairs in my own house to assist my daughter in an emergency.
... that everyone heard me coming once I got off the elevator because I was winded from the parking lot to my floor just a few steps away.
... that my blood pressure was so high Toprol-XL was my best friend.
... that my diabetes had to be regulated with Glucovance 500 twice daily.
... that my hypercholesterolemia required Zetia because of reaction to Lipitor
... that my asthma was totally out of control
... that I slept with a CPap
... that the joints in my knees were degenerating because of my weight
... that I could not walk any distance without shortness of breath
... that I required a wide chair to sit on at work
... that I would roll in my chair to retrieve a file instead of getting up and walking over to get it

BUT TODAY,19 MONTHS AFTER....
...I ran my very first 5K on Labor Day with my daughter and made it from start to finish in 36 minutes...
...I have a clean bill of health with 0 co-morbidities
...I renewed my vows and was a twice over bride (lol)
...I have been promoted twice
...I have a more pleasant and outgoing disposition as I am told
...I am always smiling and my eyes are smiling too ...
...I hiked all the way up a mountain and back down
...I have such a closer relationship with my daughter and son - we are always doing fun things together whereas before I would stay behind when invited
...I have a better relationship with my husband - SEX is great and I am 100% harlot in my bedroom (lol) - before I would turn my back and turn off the light.. and the list goes on and on...

BECAUSE I AM HEALTHY, I AM HAPPY AND I LOVE ME AND I FEEL LOVED .... WHAT A DIFFERENCE 19 MONTHS MADE ... I THANK THAT FAT GIRL THAT LIVES INSIDE ME AND WHO I SHALL NEVER FORGET - SHE IS RIGHT THERE ENCOURAGING ME EVERY DAY TO NOW MAINTAIN - I REMEMBER THE HURT AND THE PAIN - WHEREAS I WAS ONCE PASSED OVER I AM NOW PROMOTED AND IT HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH APPEARANCE IT HAD TO MORE TO DO WITH DISPOSITION - I COULD NOT MOVE!

Sharing 19 months ... this is me at work today...

I ran the 5K New Haven Road Race from start to finish on Labor Day on my previous buckling and burning knees - and wanted to keep on running it felt soooooo exhilaratingly good...

I renewed my vows 19 years later walking in on the arms of my son...

to meet the man that married me 19 years ago a fat bitter bride .. angry from a frustrated first marriage - marrying him for all the wrong reasons - yet he loved me and my love for him grew solid over 19 years of patience, love, sickness, ups and downs - it was tough and we made it - he with his failed kidneys and kidney transplant 3 years ago and I with my WLS of 19 months ago .. we got stronger together and we are happier together ... choosing to live healthy - the whole family is making is work all for the better...and here we are 19 years ago and today....

I have the support of my family and friends and a wonderful supportive cyberfamily ... to think I just remembered - how could I forget - today is my 19th month Surgiversary as I am preparing to have my tummy tuck and my brachioplasty SOON.... Thank you for allowing me to share....
It is all about the choices we make - I found out the hard way (lol)
I HAD THE BEST SUMMER OF MY LIFE!!!!