ObesityHelp

Whether my world falls apart or is exhilarating happy ... I hold myself in REMEMBRANCE ....

Thirteen days ago my whole world was falling apart as I sat in the waiting room in the OR area wondering if at the end of the day my Dhs foot would be totally amputated or not ... the wait was stressful ... I thought I died a million times as I believe the worse case scenario was playing itself out ... but I was able to deal ... I dealt with my emotions, with my fear, with my possibly altered life style and I did with with the encouragement of my friends here and IRL ... people who reached out with kind words of support and encouragement in my time of great need for support... I dealt with all the emotions and never once did the want, need, or thought of reaching out for that extra snack or food for comfort entered my mind ...

Today I look back at 3 years 2 months post weight loss surgery and each and every day I hold myself in remembrance... in remembrance of the place of 5 co-morbidities that no longer exist ... in remembrance of the woman who could not get up a flight of stairs to assist her daughter who had taken a fall ... in remembrance of snoring sooooooooo loudly as to wake up the entire house ... in remembrance of walking to meetings experiencing chest pains as I tried to keep stride with my healthier co-workers ... in remembrance of taking up two seats and annoying the person next to me ... in remembrance of how I felt and how I dealt when FOOD was my very best friend in my time of need ... if I cried I ate, if I was happy I ate, if I was sad I ate, if I was celebrating I ate and I ate and I ate, if I was hungry I ate and if I was NOT hungry I ate ... FOOD was in control of me ... a total FOOD ADDICT who is in recovery for LIFE ... dat's me...

Three years ... two months post weight loss surgery ... Over fifty and being asked if my daughter is my sister ...
Three years ... two months post weight loss surgery ... I can run a 10K and am ready to tackle a 20...I zumba, and swim, and run, and jog, and kickbox and box ... do yoga Bikram or regular ... weights and exercise...
Three years ... two months post weight loss surgery...  I HAVE KEPT IT ALL OFF AND THEN SOME AND I CHOSE NOT TO RETURN...
Three years ... two months post weight loss surgery ... I can deal with sadness and happiness with anger and pain with life and with issues without reaching for food to comfort me ... I DEAL

This is my remembrance collage ... I am who I am ... fat or thin ... I have HEALTH AND MOBILITY and that is more than enough for me ... I am in control of my choices and determined NOT to wear what I eat ... I am not boastful ... I am paying it forward ... because today instead of overeating I can deal ... with a good word... an act of kindness ... of holding myself in remembrance of me.... and most of ALL I can deal ... with a little help from my friends ... here and IRL ...

Thanking Amy, LeaAnn, Dirtbikemom, and a host of others and all for all the wonderful threads started and all the encouragement I got from my OH Cyberfamily ... either on threads, calls and PMs ... My DH is at a healthcare facility for physical therapy and gait training and will be there for a few more weeks ... and we are sooooooo grateful for your support and encouragement always...

and as Always I thank my OH family or allowing me to share...

MY YESTERDAY AND MY TODAY

3 years 2 months post WLS ...AND KEEPING IT ALL OFF .. ONE DAY AT A TIME .. I AM SOOOOOOO NOT WEARING FOOD ON MY BODY .. BEEN THERE DONE THAT .. IT IS SOOOOOOOO NOT WORTH IT .. 5 CO-MORBIDITIES BEHIND .. I AM SOOOOOO NOT GOING BACK .. I KNOW WHAT TO DO TO....

Whether my world is falling apart around me or whether I am happy I can celebrate with a smile,a good word, or an act of kindness. I DO NOT NEED TO EAT UNLESS I AM HUNGRY although I chewed my fingernails off while DH had surgery 13 days ago.

Thanks for allowing me to share...
 
MY CUPBOARD IS BARE ... OR SO I THOUGHT!!!!! HI PROTI SUCCULENT RECIPE...

Old Martita went to the cupboard
to fetch herself some grub
but when she got there
the cupboard was bare
but unlike Hubbard's dog
I she decided NOT to "have none"

Can you believe it???? I didn't even find a bone (I am feeling Old Mother Hubbard) ... but I am refusing to have none ... so I am playing my own nursery rhyme out... let me start again

Old Martita went to the cupboard
to fetch herself some grub
but when she got there
the cupboard was bare
but unlike Hubbard's dog
I she decided NOT to "have none

Since DH is hospitalized the cupboard is bare
no food shopping was done I don't have the time to spare
the only thing I could fetch was black kidney beans in a can
some ground Parmesan cheese, sazon for condiment
and butter flavored Pam ...

As I am not slipping meals I went to the fridge
there is very little in there
two sticks of string cheese, fresh cilantro and salsa
otherwise it too was bare...
I opened the freezer and found
a frozen salmon steak who knows
how long it has it been sitting there

I fired up the stove and sprayed the skillet
sauteed the salmon and broke it up with a fork
sprinkled sazon, salsa and added cilantro
and over it poured the black beans out of a can
brought it up to a steam and
sprinkled in Parmesan and over it
went the now unstrung string cheese

I just sat and had a bite
of this most humble meal
it is finger licking good I may add
and now I know what breakfast, lunch and dinner will be...

When life comes at you fast...
and you think you are at wits end...
when you look and think you reserves are dry
and your cupboard like mother Hubbard is bare
and all you have is a can of black beans

Sit down and chillax
take a little bit of this
and a little bit of that
mix it all together
and you'll have more then just a healthy snack

I can't believe I made that up ... woot woot ... hold up ... and it was done in a lickety split....

NOW GET OFF THE SOAPBOX MARTITA AND GET TO GROCERY SHOPPING ... YOU KNOW GOOD AND WELL YOU PUT IT OFF BECAUSE YOU HATE BRINGING THE STUFF IN THE HOUSE AND PUTTING IT AWAY .... NOW IF THE KIDS AND DH WEREN'T AWAY I WOULD NOT BE HAVING THAT PROBLEM BECAUSE I WOULD DELEGATE ...
 

Got my tickets ... heading some to the sun and the tropics and my blood two weekends from now ... ALONE ... ON AN INTERNATIONAL FLIGHT ... it took a lot not to book a ONE WAY TICKET ONLY (lol)...

I am heading up to the Mohegan and Foxwoods tonight with friends for fun/show/dinner and casino fun ...  flash backs to shiot that happened along the way as I documented my journey came to mind today ... as I am bored as can be and construction going on around me has me practically deaf and about to pull my extensions out so as I travel down memory lane I remember things that happened along the way some of which I shared either on the MB, my journal or here...

Down memory lane I FIRED MY SON AS A BODYGUARD ... a couple years ago.  At some point on the journey he and his friends took me on the nature trail for a run early in the morning.  Black bears had been spotted a few days before in a couple towns over in Hamden and one in broad daylight walking down the city streets in New Haven... Here we are in West Haven on the nature path behind the house ... we run that trail all the way up to the Yale Bowl and back ...  So my goofy son invites me to run .. he and his friends ... and here I go like a fool ... they run ahead ... at 6'3" tall in two strides he makes it across a field ... here I am pumping my short leg ... there was an angry little bird spazzing out on the trail ... I wondered what was up with it ... my son said it was some sort of egret (sp?) something ... the wild turkeys and geese were out in drove ... Bambi's peeked at us between the trees ... I ran the whole trail and lost sight of the guys ahead ... I got to the end and turned back ... apparently they had run across Rte 34 and gone a bit further .. I started running back home.  Next I know I hear guys hollering and running stampede like past me ... I heard my son say MOMMMMMMMM RUNNNNNNNNNNNNN RUNNNNNNNNN MOMMMMMMMMMMM as he sped pass me... I am like what the frack I am already running ... so I pick up the pace and I look back ... I see this big black furry bulk inching its way towards me ... I see myself as dead meat mauled by a black bear ... I pick up the pace and I started chanting a church hymn "leaning on His everlasting arms" as I run ... the more I run the closer the furry creature runs straight towards me ... LAWD I was going to die ... I was tired ... I had stitches in my side but I picked up the pace looking for the red gates at the beginning of the trail ... the damn bear was upon me now and I heard a chain draggin on the the ground and wondered why does a bear have a chain? I am TOAST! I felt something lick my hand and I thought BUNK THIS I AM SO NOT FOOD FOR BEAR  -- I saw the red gates and I ran HARD and FAST as FAST AS I COULD the guys were GONE --- NOWHERE TO BE SEEN... I made it to the gate and LEAPED onto one of the neighbors ,, the first house I saw deck ... I turned around and LOOKED STRAIGHT INTO THE EYES OF the big bear that turned out to be GIZMO the old ROTTWEILER that had broken loose from his chain ..the oldest and friendliest dog in the neighborhood gave me the fright of my life as my son abandoned me on the trail...

At the Casino ... I hit a JACKPOT ... $4000.00 on the sake of an aggressive sista trying to beat the shiot out of me because her significant other sat beside me ... asking me repeatedly whether I was 'tribal'.  I had my hair done up in long extensions and had shared my pics on here a couple years ago and we had decided to go to the casino with my kids their friends, Al and other friends ... we all took $40 as a cap to spend after the show we went to see.  Al had gone off and came back and handed me $800 and he had previously given me $400 and another $400 on these $1 slots he had been playing and winning ... I the tight fisted biatch ... I am determined not to leave my money in these little machines, decided while the guys were off trying their luck to sit at one of these slot machines and I stuck $20 in it... the minute I put my money in this sista beside me asks "are you tribal?" and I said no ... I try to press the button that said BET ONE and here she goes "your hair is pretty" and I say thank you and turned back to my machine ... I raised my hand to press the bet button and she says "you sure you are not tribal" I turned around and looked at her to ask what her major malfunction was when this other sista taps the crap out of my shoulder and asks me "what do you want with my woman" ... now I am an advocate for peace and a peacemaker ... up to the point where you mash my fingers or step on my toes ... I felt the bulldog in my head go rabid and my Panamanian temper FLARE ... at which point I became the PANAMANIAC that I am called ... I got sooooooooo ticked at her nerves I saw red lights flashing .... this aggressive biatch takes on the stance as getting ready to rumble... I glance around and see none of my guys ... the heifer ticked me off so bad I grabbed my hair and wrapped it in a tight knot at the nape of my neck .. I braced myself and got ready to go to town on this biatch ... I looked at her and said your friend kept asking me whether I was tribal I AM TRIBAL NOW and I stared at her ... she must have seen the CRAZY PANAMANIAC BIATCH in me come alive because we stared each other down and she glanced away and must have decided not to take me on ... she would have had to kill me right then and  there I was so ticked I was going to pull a double nelson and dance up and down her arse with my fists and feet ... as long as she did not grab my hair it was a FAIR but she backed down ... I decided this was either jinx, bad luck or obeah ... I turned to cash out and not play ... my feathers were soooooooo ruffled I hit the MAXIMUM BET button instead of CASH OUT and these JOKERS SPRAWLED THEMSELVES ACROSS THE SCREEN and the slot machine started screeching like crazy ... I was soooooo confuzzled I thought I broke the machine .... the dumbarse biatches are looking at me know and an attendant comes over and tells me I won a JACKPOT .... $4000.00 for my troubles ... and the $1600 that I had compounded that Al gave me from his winnings .... I waited for my cash ... had them take the taxes ... filled the papers... gathered my people and left ... A JACKPOT FOR TROUBLE ... GO FIGURE ... go figure ... JUJU at the casino and me totally ready to act unseemly ... the moral of the story ... don't fruck with somebody cause they look goofy ... they may take you on ... like I was ... and I was determined to win or die in the process (lol)...

I DUCT TAPED MY FEET AND FORCE FIT THEM IN SOME SHOES THAT I JUST HAD TO WEAR... at the end of the day my feet were so swollen I crawled into my house on all fours ... my son had to rescue me and pry the shoes off my swollen feet ... talk about stuffin' New York into New Jersey ... I was stuffed turkey for a day...

Went to BIKRAM for the very first time in 2007 ... cute as a button ... diaphoresis ahd heat bucked together ... the mona hair weaved onto my braided hair got so wet and heavy it weighted down my neck I thought it was going to break ... the drill sargent instructor wont let some of the heat out ... the sound of the others on their mats trampling in their own sweat were obcene ... thought I was in hell and wanted to die ... my water bottle was hot ,,, my towel was wet ...my eyes were rolling back in my head... I lay on the mat on the towel I pretended I was in a sauna ... when it was over I vowed never to go back....that was in 2007 ....  I LOVE BIKRAM ... I MAKES THE BODY FEEL SOOOOOOO GOOD...I KEEP GOING BACK OVER AND OVER .. I LOVE IT!!!

I was trampled by geese in my own back yard and they stole my muffin.... all while recovering from shin splints when I went hiking up the West Rock Mountain with my son ... I suffered for days ... the darn leader goose pecked the living shiot out of me while my husband and neighbor are telling me to RUN and I am like run to WHERE ... I fell face down in a yard full of geese shiot .. and had geese manure and grass stuff in my hair... I went apeshiot on Al ... like he was at fault ... I have no idea how that man can claim he loves my crazy arse...

A tooth broke off my flipper and I tried to crazy glue it back on ... I glued my finger together and the skin broke on my index finger while I pried them apart ... add insult to injury the darn flipper plate looked dry when I stuck it in my mouth but it wasn't and my inside lip got glued to my gum and I had to go to my dentist and explained the bullshiot out of the side of my mouth ..Months later the same darn plate got a piece of popcorn shell stuck under it in the middle of a meeting ... cutting and uncomfortable in my mouth .. I am trying to pry it out with my tongue and am asked a question just as it pops ... I have a mouthful of plate with the one tooth on and can't talk and can't stick my hand in my mouth ... sent that flipper out the window and had an implant finally... 

3 month 1 year out today ... it is my surgiversary ... I started out determined to celebrate each and every day ... I shall not forget ... when diabetes, high blood pressure, GERD, DJD, sleep apnea and asthma tried crippling my arse I took a look at my DH's jacked up feet, I relieved my stay at his bedside awaiting the chopper to land with his kidney while they prepped him and brought him to the OR for his transplant ... I remember running back and forth with the rejections ... I remember the past year with the malperforans ulcers from hell, the vasculitis and the relentless osteo and the amputations and the tramflaps and the debridements and boots and casts ... and I look at myself and the demise of my co-morbidities and I am determined not to go back ... to encourage myself to stay put or move forward ... to live avoiding those illnesses that I can control ... and to leave what is in remission alone... It is MY surgiversary... and today this is ME and I am comfortable in my skin ... wishing I had less junk in my rear trunk but it is all muscles and genetics so I am going to say it is the dent in my back making it stick out LOL...

3 Years 1 Month Out today ... Shiot happened along the way ... some I wrote about ... some I reflected about ... some I made a royal arse of myself about ...


OBESITY --- CATCH ME IF YOU CAN ... I AM RUNNING AWAY FROM THE LIKES OF YOU ..
I DON'T WEAR FAT, I DON'T WEAR SUGAR,GIVE ME STRIPES AND SQUARES ... STRAIGHTS OR FLARES ... TIGHTS OR BAGGIES BUT BEST OF ALL I LOVE ROCKING HAIR!!!!