I know I am repetitious as all hell but I just can't shut it in nor can I shut it up ... you see ... shit almost killed me, us, you, me and I and for me I conquer it if I tell it ... so on the eve of entering the fall of my life.... WTF when is it that spring is over and then there are the summer years ... then the autumn years and then the winter years ... why can't it be summer for-ever? I have the tropics shot up in my blood,,, what the heck????
Yesssss Sir.... I am getting up and out of this bed of affliction ... I tried yesterday and the day before and had to turn back after a few hours but NOT today.... I am commanding my body to get in line with my spirit!!!! The spirit of youth and health and well being and happiness in spite of all adversities ...
Hey guys don't tell me to STFU ... okay go ahead and tell me but I am not hearing it ... I have tooooooo much to be thankful for.... I shoulda,,, coulda.. woulda been dead .... long time ago...
Just last year this time we were emptying our savings going from doctor to doctor where from tram flaps to removing tarsal bones to removing remnant toes I trekked the hospitals and the surgeon's offices with my Al ... he has been in casts for well over a year ... and at the end of our ordeal he had his forefoot amputated in March of this year ... when I think about it ... we would have saved so much had we had that insult to his body amputated from the beginning ... sometimes we hold on to things a little bit longer than we should ... we prolonged his suffering ... we hung on to a piece of limb that could have destroyed the entire leg ... it was time to cut that sucker loose ... and today the man is in great health ... and no rejections to the transplanted kidney either knock on wood...
Lesson learned ... it is okay to let go.....
Three years and 10 months ago I laid up on a table in the OR and had my guts rerouted and my stomach re-sized ... I landed off the boat in America weighting 98 pounds and allowed myself the crawl up to morbid obesity to a highest weight of 327 pounds ... It was the doctor telling me I was morbid obese that scared me ... and it was my inability to climb a flight of stairs to help my daughter who sustained a fall that pushed me into action ... so I pursued weight loss surgery ...
Unlike my personal 7 other IRL friends and peers who went through their surgery with no complications whatsoever with the very same physicians I would have to be the exception to the rule ... surgery went fine ... I went down the next morning for a swallow and had no leaks whatsoever... was brought back up to the room ... my doctor came to my bedside and my son and his GF came in the room where Al and Candie were already in there .... the doctor asks me to sit up as the nurse is having a fit ...my blood pressure is bottoming out and my monitor is going crazy ... the doctor sits me up and everyone start fading away as I am slipping into haziness.. the doctor says he has to bring me to the OR stat... my son freaks out and is hysterical and being removed and I whisper "I don't want to die... please God ... if I live.. I will make this work for me".... I was rushed to the OR and woke up days later in ICU... I felt I was choking on something ...I opened my eyes and felt pressure in my throat ... then I heard my daughter from a distance...Al was sobbing loud... everything hurt ...I had no idea where I was or what had transpired... Later as I regrouped and recovered I had tubes coming out of all parts of my anatomy but is was the site of the gastrostomy and then later having to use an ileostomy bag for several weeks with the secretions from hell burning at the ostomy site that drove me nuts ... when I feel that gaping hole in my side ... and when I just remember those first three first months following my surgery I HAVE to stay focus ... I will never ever ever go back to that place where I once was ... I don't care what I looked like ... there were too many things wrongs and did not feel right....
So I laid up all weekend and beginning couple days of the week with this URI from hell ... I think it is more a bad cold than anything else I was determined to get up on Monday and I did... and on Tuesday and I did but half way through the day I had to turn back .... not today .... I HAVE MUCH TO DO AND MUCH TO LIVE FOR ... I AM GRATEFUL .... FOR ALL THE LITTLE THINGS AND FOR ALL THE BIG THINGS ... AND I AM GRATEFUL FOR GOING THROUGH THE PAIN BECAUSE IT CAME THAT IT PASSED AND IN ITS PASSING I AM INDEED FORTIFIED AND STRONGER AND DETERMINED ...
TODAY ON THE EVE OF ENTERING ANOTHER BIG ONE IN TERMS OF BIRTH YEARS I COMMANDED MY BODY TO GET IN LINE WITH MY SPIRIT! AND IT HEARD ME ... I AM UP... I AM ABOUT... AND I AM LIVING... ONE DAY AT A TIME!!!! FOREVER GRATEFUL....
ON SATURDAY ... AL AND I WILL GO TO MY WORKPLACE CHRISTMAS BASH ... AND I WILL DANCE WITH HIM ON HIS GOOD FOOT....
THIS WAS US IN THE WEEKS FOLLOWING HIS AMPUTATION AND AT THE POST SURGICAL REHABILITATION CENTER... WE ARE DETERMINED TO KEEP DANCING ON THE GOOD FOOT ... WE JUST HAD TO LET GO....
THIS IS MY DD HOLDING MY NEW FURRY BABY SEBASTIAN..
TODAY... I commanded the body to get in line with the spirit LOL ... and I feel good ...
I will always take a look at yesterday ... because it makes my today worthwhile..
and when I am bickering and being a total biatch with my DH because he can too get on my ROYAL NERVES ... I swear sometimes I think the man stood at the back of the line when they were distributing common sense ... and just took a little and told the distributor to save the rest for others ... I am grateful though that he packed in tons of kindness and loyalty and protection for his and others ... I look at the picture above and I remember the rotting foot, the shutdown kidneys and the road we have walked and I JUST HAVE TO BE GRATEFUL... I CAN'T GO BACK!!!
MY SPIRIT HAS NOT CHANGED THOUGH ... I CHANGED MY EATING HABITS!
I always had pets...
and I always rocked my hair extended or not...
Me and my rescue ferret Pepe... I LOVE THEM ALL!!!!!
ON THE VERGE OF OLD-FARTATION (YIKES THOSE NUMBERS I AM GOING TO START TO IGNORE) I AM ALLOWED TO RAMBLE....
I AM HAPPY...
I AM GRATEFUL...
FOREVER GRATEFUL ... AND BECAUSE IT WAS NOT EASY I APPRECIATE IT MORE!!!!
LIVE... LOVE... AND LET LIVE!!!! AND DON'T WORRY BE HAPPY! IN SPITE OFF ... TAKE ALL THE LEMONS AND MAKE LEMONADE .... IF THAT FAILS ROUND UP THE LEMONS AND THROW THEM RIGHT BACK AT THE LEMON TREE ... DON'T RECEIVE THEM... DON'T HOLD ON TO THEM ... DO SOMETHING WITH THEM!!! IT WORKS.... OKAY that was just me being dufus old me LOL....
Yes I typed LOL whether it is played out or not ....LOL
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