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  • Username: maryjakedesa
  • Location: Scarborough, ON, Canada
  • Member Since: 8/31/2008
  • BMI: 66.3
  • Post Op
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Goals

Love Myself

66 People
 in progress, 
7 People
 achieved this

go to an amusement park and actually ride the rides rather than watch my kids do

1 Person
 in progress, 
0 People
 achieved this

Be able to go for a bike ride with my kids

1 Person
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0 People
 achieved this

losing at least 150lbs

1 Person
 in progress, 
0 People
 achieved this

having surgery soon!

1 Person
 in progress, 
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maryjakedesa's Journey

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Describe your behavioral and emotional battle with weight control before learning about bariatric surgery.
I have always been overweight since i was born. When i was little it was cute to be "chubby", but as i got older it was no longer "cute" but "gross"( as others would say). I am very confident in who i am. I may not like the outside of me but the inside of me is my best quality. The time has come now when i can't stand my looks or weight and hide from everyone. I don't over-eat, I just eat the wrong foods. I try to eat right but junk food has a strong grip on me that is so hard to escape.
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maryjakedesa's Blog
maryjakedesa's Blog


What a HUGE surprise! and not in a good way
on November 23, 2011 10:30 am
 Well today i went to see the Nurse Practioner (Patti) , very nice woman, who did my weigh in and all that ..and i actually had to take a moment to comprehend the numbers i saw....223..At first i thought that was pounds, and was surprised as i knew that could not be right and then it dawned on me that it was 223 kilos..or 512lbs...i almost dropped (thank goodnees i didn't  or a crane would need to come)..i started to cry..i didn't mean to but it just came..how did i get to this point...i feel so terribly sick to my stomach..i feel so much hate towards my self...yes i know this is my fault but i honestly have been trying really hard...my doctor could never give me an accurate reading as the scales did not go that high but i never expected to weigh half a ton! Literally that's what i am...nurse must have seen the look on my face and tried to cheer me up  by telling me that at least i don't have to do a sleep study (as i have no issues) and that i have no co-abnormalites as so many do.. i put on a smile as i know she was trying...i just wish i had my parents to say that they still  love me because right now i don't love myself...all i see is a big blob of failure and embarrassment...i really just needed to cry this one out and talk to others who may have felt or feel this way..i feel more alone now than i did.... 
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My Goal
on August 30, 2011 3:16 pm
 
October 26 2011- Orientation at TWH                              Jan 6,2012- Dietician
 Nov 15,2011- Social Worker Appt                                   Mar 12,2012- Psych Assessment 
Nov 23,2011- Nurse Practioner Appt                               June 8,2012-Surgeon date
Nov 28,2011- Nutrition Class                                            Surgery- August 14,2012

DR. Ori Rotstein at St. Mike's
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My Story

 My name is Mary and i am obese. Saying that word is not hard for me to say but being it sure is.I am 41 years old and have the 2 greatest kids in the world. My son Jacob is 20 and my daughter Desaray is 13. They have been my reasons for living and are also  a large part of me wanting to have RNY. I want to be able to see them grow up and hit milestones(graduations, proms marriages etc) . I have been "FAT" (term back in the day) from the get -go. In 4th grade i weighed 150lbs. I remember this because we had a project  to do where we had to see how tall and heavy we were and i was the largest girl and the second heaviest kid in the class (only to be beat by a boy who was 5"9 and weighed 160). I have a younger sister who is the direct opposite of me. She is  slender, leaner and taller. When we were little everyone would call us "Laurel and Hardy"  or if we had the same parents. That is how different we are.(My pic is of me and her when we were 2 and 3. It was the only pic i could find that i like). 

I have been on countless diets ever since i was 8. Weight watchers, dietitians,my parents limiting my food, various pills. Yes i lost weight but gained it all (if not more) right back. I played every sport, took swimming lessons, did jazz, lots of walking and still i was FAT!! Overtime i just embraced the fact that was who i was and went on with my life. I am thankful i have a great personally and make friends easily  but as i have grown older and able to do less (can barely walk a 100 metres) i hate myself .I have decided to better myself and travel this difficult road so that i can be happy once again. I know it will not happen overnight but i am ready to put in overtime to get back my life.

Feeling healthy and feeling good about yourself is not a luxury - it's an absolute necessity