Feb. 7, 2012

I've started a running program ("Run Your Butt Off") that is challenging, but not too challenging -  totally doable.  The program asks that one takes his/her measurements at Week 1, and then see what Week 12 brings...

I've only been doing it a few weeks, but the measurement taking reminded me of OH's health tracker, so I thought I might look at my pre-surgery measurements and where I am now, a year and a half later.

Holy smokes, if I do say so myself.


                   PRE-SURGERY      GOAL         CURRENT (i've pretty much been this way for the past year)
WEIGHT:     275                           150             150.5
WAIST          52                               33               35.5  (but I wonder how many inches the extra skin is??)
HIPS             58                               38               38.75 ("")
NECK           16                             14.5             13
BICEP           18                             12                12
FOREARM   11.25                        10                8.75
CHEST         51                              50                37
THIGH           26                              24               19
CALF             26                               13              13

SIZE              3X                                                     M/L
SIZE              26/28                                                8-10-12

January 21, 2012

It's been -oh-so-long since I've written...and I think, without looking at my previous posts, that what I'm about to write might be repetitive, but here I go:

I had my surgery in August 2010.  I weighed 275.  I knew without the surgery I would never, ever be able to lose weight.  Thank you, BCBS PPO, for giving us larger folks a second chance at life (seriously, I think I might write them a letter).

I thought I would possibly die when I got the operation (lap. gastric bypass) - if not on the operating table, then soon thereafter due to some complication.  Glad to say: I'm still here!  Zero complications, nothing weird.  All good.

I also thought - such paranoia! - that people who had the surgery no longer wrote on OH because they had died or they gained all the weight back or whatever.  For me, that hasn't been the case.  I don't write on OH much anymore because I am not completely obsessed about my weight as I was before the surgery, and right after.  I'm just plugging along with life.

I've weighed about 150-155 since last March, 2011.  It feels good.  I feel...exactly the same as a person on the inside, only healthier.  My apnea is just about gone, but I still have major sleep issues.  I've reduced my thyroid medication.

I like fitting into a size 10 or 12.  I like being able to sit in a chair and not feeling like it will break.  I like being able to run around with my kids.  I like feeling healthier.  I like that I'm afraid to eat sugar because I might get sick.  I like eating small quantities of food and feel full.  I like surprising people with photos of me 120 pounds heavier.  

I'm not a fan of taking vitamins, but it's the same stuff that I would have taken anyways because even before surgery I had to take iron and b-12 due to my having those anemias. 

I'm not a fan of my horrible pannis - it's still here and it's still just floppy.  When I run it makes sounds -- so I try to wear things that holds it in.  But then it gets sweaty and more irritated, sometimes with a horrible painful rash.  Nothing seems to make it feel better.  I hope I can get it lopped off this year.  (I also have major batwings and supper saggy inner thighs, but besides looking horrible, it's much less of a concern for me than the pannis.)

I'm also not a fan of my poop (really, who is?), but hear that is because I had my gall bladder out (I had gall stones since 2005) at the same time I had the bypass.  A bit heavy/greasy (sorry, but I'm being honest and open here) - so that's still kinda weird for me.

I've been exercising - and surprise!  It feels pretty good.  I've been reading all this stuff about exercising 30 minutes a day is not only good for yoru heart health, but your mental and neuro health as well.  I've been doing a program called "Run Your Butt Off".  I'm not doing it too lose weight per se, but I'm not complaning about that aspect of it either.   ; )  I'd like to see if I can indeed run for 30 minutes straight.  How weird would that be?

Stephanie

August 9, 2011

My surgiversary was August 2, 2011.  My surgery weight was 273 (I am 5'6") and now I'm down to 151.  My nurse's goal for me was 160, my goal for me was 155.   Now that I'm at 151, I want to go into my 140s to just see what that feels like! 

My surgeon was Dr. Choi at Danbury Hospital and I had an RNY.  I had Blue Shield/Blue Cross/Anthem - PPO.

My lab results were all normal, though I need to drink more water.  My cholesterol levels were better, my calcium/protein/everything else looked fine.  I no longer have to wear a C-PAP (I had a sleep study done in June) -- AMEN.  

What I *do* need to do is to continue to check in with myself regularly by doing a food diary - what I am I drinking/eating?  Is it still good, healthy?  I need to schedule excercise and try to go to bed at a decent hour.  I can eat more these days, which is fine, but I still need portion control. 

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It's hard for me to look at those "before" pictures of me that are posted on this website, but good to look at them as a reminder of where I never want to be again.  It's easier on this side of the fence... I have less fear to do things -- like see old friends, have photos taken of me, sit comfortably in a chair or an airplane, to try on clothes.   I feel less judged. 

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Last year I changed from an HMO to a PPO because I knew the HMO wouldn't cover surgery.  The process was so freaking easy and QUICK - I was accepted right away and I remember thinking - "Well, wait a minute.  Isn't this supposed to be harder?"  I remember thinking that I wasn't THAT fat, was I?  Sure, I was over 100 pounds over weight, but I didn't FEEL 100 pounds over weight!  And, well, them accepting me for surgery just made me FEEL as morbidly obese as I was.

I am thankful that I did NOT have to do the pre-surgery diet that so many have to go through.  I had to have liquids-only about 48 hours before surgery, but that's it. 

I actually enjoyed being tested for everything-under-the-sun before surgery.  They found a polyp in my colon, they found my heart was just fine, that I was B-12 anemic, that I had arthritis and I had bad sleep apnea. 

I remember right before surgery, I saw a food commercial and misted/teared, thinking about how I was going to miss food (for the record, every so often I *DO* miss ice cream, or something like a delicious, chewy warm cinnamon roll, but am THANKFUL that I can't have it because I know I'll get sick).
 
I remember being totally obsessive about coming onto OBESITYHELP.com to find out all the information I could, and being fearful that something really horribly bad was going to happen during surgery or after (it didn't). 

I remember saying "What the F**k am I doing" outloud, to my wife, as we drove into the hospital parking lot the morning of surgery, but then being totally calm at the hospital, embracing whatever was coming my way and having a positive attitude about it as something that must be done because I couldn't lose the weight myself.  I just couldn't. 

I remember, after surgery, that my roommate in the hospital had a horrible time.  I don't want to say she was whiney, but...she wouldn't get up and walk...she felt really sick and barfed.  I got sick my first day (and I am thankful that i shut my eyes when I did so, because the nurse nervously said, "that's ok, that's ok, that is just surgery remnants.").  Once I asked to be taken off of the morphine, I was fine and getting up and down those hospital halls as much as I could. 

I remember being in the hospital and taking about an hour to sip an ounce of water, and wondering if that was what my life was going to be like now (it's not - by a longshot).

I am thankful that my surgeon had me on a liquid diet for a longtime after surgery, and then the pureed diet.  I think it helped me lose a lot in the beginning, and it was encouraging to me to not get sick trying new foods and dropping off so much weight.  But I recall missing FLAVORFUL foods. 

I knew I couldn't have popcorn (why is that, by the way?), and I remember licking off the flavor of of one cheddar popcorn for a treat at some point in time during the liquid stage.  Seriously!

I charted my weight loss every Monday for at least 6 months.  Now I think I'll weigh myself every few weeks just to make sure I'm not gaining which, of course, is my biggest fear: failure.

The folks at the doctor's office reminded me that successful patients keep food diaries, excercise regularly, drink lots of water and do NOT drink water during of right after a meal.  I need to keep that in mind as I move forward.

In the end of this year, I am so thankful to have had the surgery, and am amused that it was MUCH less dramatic than what I thought it was going to be.   It's really not dramatic at all -- I am always able to eat something that's good for me, and am helping my kids make healthier food choices, too, so they don't end up like I was. 

I didn't hate my old life as a big person, I want to be clear, but there just seems to be more opportunities for a quality life at this size. 

Upward and onward.

June 9, 2011

It's been so long since I've written, but here I am -- still alive and still much smaller than I was just 10 months ago.  I think I stopped losing weight a couple of months ago.  I don't know; I am not as obsessive about weighing myself.  All I know is that last night I wore a size 10 jeans and got lots of complement.  

I still haven't bought a lot of new clothes, so when I wear something a little more snug on my body, I do get lot of comments.

I remember right before my surgery and right after my surgery I was on this website ALL THE TIME.  I wondered if I was going to die, what the hell was I doing, was I losing weight fast enough -- the whole thing.  And WHERE, I wondered, WERE ALL THE PEOPLE WHO HAD HAD THE SURGERY?  

And the truth is, in my experience, that we become less obsessed with this website because we are off, indeed, living our lives.  The whole surgery things is not, as it turns out, as dramatic as we all think it will be.  We find out what we can eat, what we can't eat, and how much we can eat without feeling ill and then we move on.  We go about our lives because the only thing that has changed, really, is the size of our stomach and what we can eat and how much.  We're probaly more hyper-aware about food than we have ever been, but that's a good thing. 

I'm still thrilled (and I know I'm still in the "honey-moon" phase, that I had the surgery.  I can now catch up to my running kids: I can sit in chairs with confidence, I can do things like horseback ride or skydive or sleep on a bunk without too much fear of the weight limits... I can take pictures with my kids and not be so self-conscious about it.

it's all good. 

The only thing that I am still trying to figure out is my clothing size -- somewhere in between 10 and 14.  

I like eating healthier things and not being able to eat sugar.  And I like passing my knowledge of healthier eating onto my kids.  I think that's been the best part of the whole thing.