I called BCBS today and they confirmed that they have the wls request for surgery on 8/21/12. Now, all I need is to get it approved and I can do the happy dance til the cows come home!

So, I got a call tonight at about 6 pm from the woman who submits the request into our insurance companies. She admits that she royally screwed up and that what was supposed to be faxed to them LAST Friday is only just now being sent. She was very apologetic and let me know that she has 2 other calls to make like this. I'm thinking that 3 people have probably been bugging the snot out of their office, waiting to get things done! So, during the conversation, she mentioned that August was "pretty much" booked and once approved, I would get a surgery date for sometime in September. Well, hearing the "pretty much" about August prompted me to ask if there was anything left in August...and there was. So, even though I'm not approved yet, I now have a tentative surgery date of August 21st, wahoooooooooooooooooooooo!!! She was (so she said) faxing it over as we spoke, and I did hear the hand fax going.

C'mon bcbs, make me happy and just approve it, puhleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze!!!!

I finally feel like I'm at least in the tunnel, no light yet, but at least I'm still not pounding on the thing trying to get in.

I  had my 4th and what is supposed to be the final nut appointment yesterday and now they can submit for my surgery. I'm waiting on a letter and chart notes from my primary doctor to be sent over and then they can send it. Waiting is killing me!  I got two types of medications to help with my hives. It already feels a little better today, even though they make me feel kind of loopy. Hey, it's better than scratching until I get blood!

I had a week of ups and downs. On the upside, I attended my first support group over at the Poodle Dog in Fife. My friend recommended it to me, and I'm so glad that she did. Being single, kids grown and gone, I don't really have the support here at home-and ya really can't count on my cat for that. He's in love with me no matter what, so I guess that counts for something!

On the downside, the company that I work for has officially thrown in the towel. I have a job through March 31st of 2013. After that, I'm hoping that the new company hires me, but you just never know. I do have benefits for an additional 10 weeks, including my health insurance, thank God. It's a pretty scary time for me. I have no one to pick up the slack financially, so knowing that I'm going to be out of a job scares the holy bejesus out of me.

I haven't smoked, and let me tell you, it's been SO tempting! Today marks my 2 month anniversary of no cigarettes, so I'm pretty proud of myself for that. I haven't been perfect on my diet though. I haven't gone crazy with it, but I haven't been as good as I should be. Given that, I haven't even weighed myself this week. I'll let that sad number slap me in the face when I see the nut on Tuesday. Since I still have hives, haven't smoked, drank or indulged in any other fun way, having raging insomnia due to messed up hormone levels, I think that the fact that I didn't order and eat an entire pizza is pretty impressive. I did buy 2 chicken breasts from Albertsons and a 1/2 lb of jo's, though. So, back to trying to behave and try not to stress myself silly.

I'm so stressed about the job issue that I've been breaking out in small hives. I barely sleep, which I know is in part due to a need to adjust my estrodial dosage, but more so due to just not being able to shut off my brain. So, there I am in the middle of the night, stressed, itching, dying for a smoke and a pound of good chocolates. Good thing I'm not into alcohol in a major way, or I'm sure I'd be pouring myself a few glasses.

I wish I knew how to deal with all of this without the crutches that I've used for so long. I guess I'm doing ok but I haven't been great on my medically supervised diet this week. I haven't gained anything, just stayed the same. I guess that's a good thing since I indulged in that fast food that I wrote about. I also had a pulled pork sandwich, cole slaw, and an ear of corn on the 4th of July. Oh yeah, and a cupcake. Honestly, I could have had seconds on everything, it was so good and I was so hungry to be placated by something, anything.

I'm terrified that in a year from now, I'll still be jobless, too poor to buy all the vitamins and such needed to remain healthy post-op, and that I'll just give up. Unemployed, homeless and malnourished is not the way I want to go through life.

I'm just having a really bad week. I know this and hope like crazy that it will get better.