ObesityHelp

I am genuinely not all that bothered by my weight. In some situations, I'm actually quite proud of it because wearing fat without looking ashamed has certainly brought some wonderful attention my way. I do feel loved and supported by those around me. I don't feel that I'm looked at as morbidly obese or as actively endangering myself. I feel like I am seen as a whole and marvelous creature. Granted, that feeling is not always there but it is usually there.

That said, how can anyone not be afraid of the surgery? I'm afraid that I'll lose weight and those around me will look at me differently, or more insidiously, I'll start to look at my fat self differently. I never want to look back and feel ashamed of who I have been or what I have looked like. I've always made an effort to present myself as adorable, unique, and unencumbered by outside expectation as I possibly can. I worry that by becoming like the status quo, I'll begin to feel the pressure of the status quo and lose my self confidence. There's a kind of "You don't approve of how I look? Fuck off, asswipe!" mentality that you develop and it's very liberating in many ways and to lose that would be devastating. I don't mind losing weight and I am excited about the fact that getting the surgery would mean less asthma and hopefully less sleep apnea, but what if the price of that is that I become another timid skinny girl? 

If anyone out there is reading this, how do you address these fears if you share them?