My father has been ill. He has COPD. He suffered a heart attack in March and has had three more since then. His right coronary artery is one hundred percent occluted. Since October 1st he has spent every day minus ten in the hospital. 

Nov 8th, the pulmonary specialist told my dad that he is terminal and he will not be medically approved for any procedures that three other Drs wanted to perform. This Dr also took me aside to let me know that he discussed this with my father. Neither one of us discussed what we knew with the other for two days. The 10th was hell day. All shit broke lose. Dad realized just how sick he was and he was pissed. I had lunch with my dad everyday while he was a patient. This day he was not very nice. I understand. He was angry. I ended up leaving him. He was pushing me away anyhow. I went back up that night for dinner and found a new man. My dad decided that if he was dying he was not doing it at the hospital or a nursing home. This man had a plan.

I am leaving a copy here of what I posted on the Michigan forum yesterday.

Today I set up my dad's room so that he can come home and die comfortably. My father has end stage copd and this has caused uncontrollable congestive heart failure. He has spent every day minus 10 days in the hospital since Oct 2. Oddly enough five of those days was the five days I was there for my perforated viscus.

My life is going to be turned around and flipped over in the coming days. I will be setting up residence in his home until his passing. What will be negletted during this time by me? I have two little boys, a husband that just had a mastoidectomy one week ago, I am eight weeks into my classes at school that I am still earning A's, I am almost four weeks out from major surgery, and my Dr is concerned to the point of bringing up TPN infusions because of my continued weight-loss.

I have spent hours and hours trying to contact my siblings. One is out of state and seen my father. Another has had closer but does not want to see my dad in this condition. Four others hardly even talk to any one in the family, including my father. (they have a mom they share, yet they do not talk to each other, either) My father had 11 children from four wives. Two children are deceased. The other two were adopted but do know "of" my father. The dynamics are just, oh cruddy. But, I want to do the right thing and make sure they know in case they need to see him. I hate voicemail, by the way.

He lives with an ex-wife(#8) I am ever so thankful for her and everything she has done to help my dad. I have been scrambling to get care in order for my children during this time. They are young and will be so bored being with me at my dad's home.

I think things happen for a reason. I am off from work until Dec. School closes for one week, beginning Friday. The support is coming from all over to assist me with my boys. The care for my dad is being left upon the ex and myself. There will be an aide coming in daily and a nurse.

Tomorrow, I will go and have breakfast with my dad, head to my last class of the week, and back to the hospital for lunch. The plan is for him to be discharged under hospice care in the afternoon. I am going to be instructed on how to give him the meds he needs to remain comfortable as his body drowns in his fluids. Yet, I have promised him that we will keep him alert for the Michigan-Ohio game on Saturday because he just wants to see that and then he says he will be ready.

My heart is breaking. I can not stand seeing my father suffering as he is. I know what to expect and I still do not feel ready to the changes his body is going to go through in the next week. I also know he will not be here much longer in body and the finality of it all is so overwhelming. My mind says be with him as much as possible while you have the option. And yet, I have my little guys wanting their mommy to be home with them. I feel so much tugging in my heart. I wish I could be everywhere.

I understand the circle of life. My dad does too. He is not afraid to die, he just wants to do it at home, comfortably. I told him I would help him do this. I am so sad and I am going to miss this man so much. With Thanksgiving approaching, I can say I am thankful that I am available to be there for this man I love so much on his final days of life. I am thankful I can help him do it his way. He has made the decision and needs the feeling of being in control. He will be leaving me forever, but I will not have any regrets.

Positive vibes
Megan