- Username: megganmurphy
- Location: Evans, GA, USA
- Member Since: 10/15/2003
- BMI: 32.4
- Post Op - Planning a revision
- Surgery Type: RNY (05/21/04)
- Surgeon: Orreth Bruce Case M.D,
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Surgeon TestimonialOrreth Bruce Case M.D,He was thorough, and he was very personable! I actually had a great time during my consultation with him! We laughed, and joked. But seriously, he went over the surgery and many other aspects of the procedure. He really made me feel like I was safe and in good hands. I was origianlly going to have the surgery done by Dr. Redmond, but I have changed my mind and decided to go with Dr. Case. He is closer to where I live, and I trust him. Member Interests
- Travel - As soon as I start saving more money...
- Parenting - I have a 4 yr. old daughter. She is amazing and I am blessed to be her Mama!
- Movies - Renting and theaters...love it.
- Radio & Television - Love both...
- Education - I went to Agnes Scott College; c/o 2006!!
- Shopping - I love shopping! It's therapuetic!
- Dancing - I love going out with my friends dancing!
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My weight loss saga!
posted on 12/15/06 12:06 pm
**MOST RECENT UPDATES ARE AT THE BOTTOM!!**
Summer 2003: I first REALLY heard about the surgery (with the exception of Carnie Wilson) from a family friend of mine, Kelly Sarris. She had LAP RNY by Dr. Macik and has lost about 90 something pounds now. She has been SO AWESOME is talking to me about the surgery, guiding me, helping me, and encouraging me.
October and November 2003: I started going to Dr. Macik's support groups. This is when I really decided that this (WLS)
is what I wanted to do.
December 2003-February 2004: I found Dr. Redmond, who accepts my Medicaid, and I had the bariatric packet filled out and sent back to them. My PCP put me on a 6 week diet before they would send Dr. Redmond the letter of medical necessity. So, I did the diet...guess what, it didn't work. So they finally sent in my packet in the beginning of February. I scheduled my appointment/consultation on the 17th of February.
2/18/04
Well, Dr. Redmond's office called me back yesterday and told me that we have to move my appointment back another week and a half because he had meetings on the day of my appointment. So, my new consultation is March 12th at 10am. I won't have to miss class this time because that is during my spring break. I am really excited and I've already made up a list of questions to take to him on the day of my appointment.
I just got out of class a second ago, it's a women's health and fitness class. In there we learn about all of the horrible diseases that accompany obesity...and yet when I tell my teacher I'm planning on having this surgery she tries everything in her power to discourage me from it. She encouraged me to try it on my own AGAIN, for like the 7th time. I understand she is concerned about the risks and all, but for me, it's more risky to keep living like this...I just want to be a young woman, and a great mother. It's discouraging. However, at least I have the support of my parents, and friends.
A mini-update: I went to the sleep study center today, and it turns out that I really do have sleep apnea. So, now I have to use the CPAP machine...yuck!
2/19/04
Well, last night I slept (or tried to sleep) with the CPAP machine that the sleep Dr. Matin gave me. I absolutely hated it, I hardly slept at all. And the mask broke my face out b/c of the pressure and sweating. Also, my nose and mouth were so dry in the morning, it's really quite miserable. I guess this is just another great thing that goes along with being obese...it's just another confirmation everyday that I HAVE to have this surgery done. I cannot sleep with this stupid machine for the rest of my life. I'm actually glad I'm not married b/c it would have been really embarrassing wearing this mask last night.
I'm having some issues with my PCP also...they seem to think I have an insurance plan that doesn't require a referral to the surgeon. The surgeon's office said I need a refferal, so I called my insurance company myself, and I DO need a refferal, but the referral office at my PCP says I don't. Thing is, if I don't get that refferal then I can't see the surgeon...which just means more lengthening of this already long process. Sorry all the posts are so pessimistic...I'm just really ready to shed this weight, and there is always something standing in my way. I'm just going to continue to fight. I know it will be worth it. I wish I could just hit the fast forward button...ya know?
2/23/04
Well, Friday afternoon I went and got my nose pierced. I know what you're probably thinking, but I'm a classy girl, I'm not gonna do anything outrageous. It's just a lil stud, and I'm gonna make it cute by putting a lil pink jewel in there. I really love it, and I'm glad I did it. My dad on the other hand was less than thrilled. But my mom was cool with it...she just said, you're an adult, you know what you're doing.
Well, I got everything worked out with my PCP. I have to call her back on March 1st to remind her to put in my refferal to Dr. Redmond's office for March 12th....that's when my appointment is. I am so excited for this visit...I'm just really ready to do it!
In other news, I'm considering a transfer of schools. My boyfriend who lives in Dallas wants me to move out there with him. There is a women's University in the same town he lives in. I'm still thinking about it...I'll have to talk to him about it when he comes to visit, which will probably be in about a month or so. (I'm excited to see him too!)
I still haven't picked up my CPAP machine yet...which is kind of good b/c I really can't sleep with that machine stuck on my face.
Damn, I really hate being this fat. Like, the other day I was walking quickly to class, and I don't think I realized how big and out of shape I am b/c I was breathing hard just from walking fast...and climbing a few flights of stairs feels like a serious workout.
I love looking at the pictures on here of the before and after becuase it really gives me hope that I don't have to look like this forever. But what if this surgery doesn't work for me? Or even worse, what if I don't make it through? I have many fears about the surgery, but I really don't see many other options for me at this point in my life. I just pray all goes well.
Well, I should be doing homework at this point...so I'll update more later.
2/26/04
Well, this week has been a long week...and it's not even over yet. I am looking forward to this weekend becuase it's sophomore family weekend at my college. My parents, grandparents, and little sister will be coming to my campus on Saturday to watch me get my ring! This ring is really special to me because of all the women that have gone before me, making my college experience unique. Every woman that has graduated from Agnes Scott has a ring just like it...I'll become part of the family. I love my school, and I am so proud of myself for raising my daughter by myself and going to the BEST women's college in the Southeast!! (www.agnesscott.edu)
I still have about 15 days til my consultation with Dr. Redmond. I am excited...BUT...I just started learning about other types of surgery. My friend, Kelly Sarris, had a LAP RNY, which is what I had always just assumed I would get as well...but I went to this other website yesterday called www.duodenalswitch.com. It's a website that talks about the pros of the surgery over the RNY. I'm not really sure which one is the best for me. I guess that is something that I will definately be asking my surgeon on March 12th! :)
The waiting is killing me. It really is. Not that I don't have TONS of school work, reading, projects, and presentations to prepare for this semester...in addition to take care of my lil sweetie boo. I just really want this to happen for me!! I've decided that if I don't do this, I'm not sure I have the will power to accomplish this by myself. I want to lose about 112lbs...that's more than my best friend's weight!!! It's a daunting task...especially thinking about doing it without a tool, like this surgery.
I've been posting and chatting with some of the other teens on the Teen WLS forum. I'll officially be leaving teenagehood in 72 days...but mentally I left a LONG time ago. But most of the other girls are in college and are young adults like me. So, it's all good. I like reading all the profiles, it gives me a sense of where these girls are in there lives.
Well, I'll update more later. Bye for now. :)
3/1/04
Well, I had a good weekend, but academically, this week is killing me. Next week is Spring Break and I have 2 mid-terms and 3 quizzes to do before Friday. I have procrastinated all day and I'm just in a bad mood.
I got my Agnes Scott ring this weekend and I LOVE wearing it! :)
I called my PCP today to remind the referral office to put in my refferal to Dr. Redmond, and they called me back to confirm that everything went through perfectly (THANK GOD!) They told me that I have up to 3 visits with that refferal and if I need more than I have to request another refferal. I am about 11 days or so away from my first consultation. I'm less excited and more ready.
3/4/04
Well, my crazy week is almost over...just one more midterm due tomorrow. I'm staying up late tonight to try and get it done. As usual, I am distracted by the internet, the phone, and the TV. So, I always love looking at the "Before and After" pics on this website. It's so encouraging. But I'll tell you one thing...and this isn't to be mean to anyone on here...but if you're ugly before surgery, you're still ugly afterwards. Sheesh...some of these people need a Fashion 101 lesson, like, excuse me lady, black stonewashed jeans is SO 15 years ago!! Well, I'm 8 days away from my consultation...I'll post more later! <3
3/12/04
Ok, well...I just got back from my first consultation with Dr. Redmond. (He was running a little late this morning.) Well, first things first. I managed to forget the list of questions I swore to myself I would remember. Next my PCP referral didn't get faxed over, so I almost thought I was going home. (But they re-faxed and everything was cool!) Dr. Redmond was OK, I mean, he's certainly not an extremely friendly person. He seemed more intered in talking to me about lawsuits and the amount of money his practice pays on insurance. Anyways, he buzzed in and buzzed out before I could even ask him all the questions I had on my mind. So Dee, his nurse, went back and got him. So, I proceeded with my questions, he answered them, and then left again. Dee came in to explain in more detail the next appointments I need to make...which are my nutritionist apt. and my physc. eval. So, I need to make those appointments and then get back to her. I'm kinda in a whirlwind right now b/c Dr. Redmond was telling me all about the negative aspects (which I know he has to do) and about some 30 year old lady that died 10 days post op last week or something. I'm not really sure how I feel about everything. I'm not second guessing myself, I'm sure this is what I need to do to make my life healthier...but it is really scary. Well, I'll post again once I have my appointments set up. <3
3/15/04
Well, my physc. evaluation is on March 23rd at 2pm and my dietician apt. is April 2nd at 10am. Phew, step one is done for now. I've made my appointments, now I just have to figure out how I'm gonna come up with 0 for my physc. eval. and for my nutrition appointment. (Medicaid doesn't pay for these appointments.) I pray that my mom will help out. She said she will give me the 0 for my first appointment. I might just have to pay the myself....that's not so bad. But what I can't believe is that the eval is going to be about 3-4 hours long! What could we possibly talk about for 3-4 hours? And further more, I hope he doesn't think I'm too nutty for getting this big in the first place. Well, looks like it's just more waiting now. But Dr. Redmond is moving to TX b/c the malpractice insurance in GA has drastically inflated, so I know FOR SURE that my surgery will be before September....so that's good. I'll post when I have more news. <3
3/16/04
I just learned about another surgeon who accepts Medicaid...he is out of Northside Hospital in Atlanta. (Which is ALOT closer to where I live!) I'm excited about this surgeon b/c apparently his waiting time is less than 4 months! Meaning that, I could have my surgery alot sooner!! Melissa Sanders is going to e-mail me his phone number and I will set up a consultation appointment with him to see if I want to transfer my case over to him. His name is Dr. Case. I'll keep you all posted. <3
3/17/04
Well, I have another consultation scheduled with Dr. Case. I can't believe it, but it's next Wednesday! (Only a week away!) And it probably would have been sooner, but I requested to be seen at the Crawford Long facility which is closer to my house. I can't believe that there's a possibility that I could have this surgery done at the beginning of the summer!! Sounds great to me...and honestly, I am alot more comfortable with having the surgery at Northside Hospital than at Wellstar Paudling hospital...it's bigger and there are alot more Dr's and nurses there. I just feel like I'd be better cared for over there. I will keep you all posted with any changes. OH YEAH! I forgot to mention, my psych. evaluation is going to be totally FREE b/c of my Medicaid and b/c I'm under 21! Wow, youthfulness pays off sometimes, eh? <3
3/22/04
Well, I rescheduled my nutritionist appointment with a different dietician. She is out of Cobb Hospital, and she got me a much sooner appointment. Sooooo, I have both my phsyc. and my nutritionist appointments this week. Phew...it's gonna be really busy, but it's worth it. I'll post after my physc. eval and let you all know how it went. It's going to be with Dr. Gary Santavicca out of his Atlanta office. I've read nothing but great things about him, but we'll see. <3
3/25/04
Well, it has been a VERY busy 3 days!!! I have my psych. eval on Tuesday, my new consultation with Dr. Case on Wednesday, and today I am just getting from my nutritionist appointment. I'll start at the beginning. Well, Dr. Sanatavicca was really nice, and he definately does talk fast. He gave a lil presentation with 3 women (including me). Then he had us fill out some questionaries, and some other sorts of tests. Then he interviewed us indendantly. It was cool, he talked alot about the importance of exercise...starting now even! And went over our goals and expectations for the surgery. He said he would have the report over to Dr. Redmond in about a week! Ok, so then on Wednesday, I went to Dr. Case's office. I filled out all his paperwork, and then he showed me and another girl a movie about the surgery...risks/benefits, testimonies, etc. Then he had one of his med. students take down my medical history and she examined my belly and listened to me breath. Then I went in to talk to Dr. Case and he had this little chart thingy and basically told me that he preffered the RNY with the Fobi pouch...however the Fobi pouch comes with a 00 co-pay. (which I can't afford, but am considering). Anyways, we went over the surgery, I asked some questions, and he basically told me that I am a healthy young woman, aside from the obesity and that I would be just fine. I have absolutely decided to move my file over to Dr. Case. He also told me that I could have my surgery next month!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOSH!!! Which honestly, is WAY too soon b/c I'm not even out of school yet. So, I will probably schedule my sugery for the middle of May, once my semester is over. I can't believe it!! He made me feel very safe and secure...as opposed to Dr. Redmond. So, that's that. I have all my upper GI and blood work...the whole 9 yards next week. So, the ball is rolling! Ok, next appointment was the nutritionist, which was today. She was nice, considerate, her name is Maureen Hardy. She and I went over the types of food I eat now, and then she gave me a packet and we over all of the foods I'd be eating after the surgery. All of the different stages...pureed foods, soft foods, clear liquids....for examples. Anyways, she was knowlegeable and said she's fax the report over to Dr. Redmond today. So, that's that. I have a lot of phone calls to make now to shift my files from one Dr. to the other...but it will be a good move for me. I'll post more later. <3
4/7/04
Well, today I went and had my ultrasound, chest x-ray, and small bowel follow through at Dekalb Medical Center. I cannot believe how LONG it took to do the small intestinal test. First they made me drink a cup of this thick barium and watch that inflate my stomach. When that was done they took pics and made me drink the thinner baruim. Then they took pictures of my intestines every 30 mins for....3 hours!!!!!!! AHHHH! I was SO HUNGRY, and cold, and tired. I almost puked drinking the baruim, but I made it through. The ultrasound and chest x-rays were a breeze. (Made me feel pregnant again actually...made me want to have another baby. But no, not for a while anyway!) I have the rest of my tests on Friday. I made me PCP clearance appointment for May 1st...because my SURGERY DATE is MAY 14TH, 2004!!!!!!!! They had orig. scheduled me for April 30, but I'm not even gonna be done with school til the 11th. I can't believe how fast this is happening. It's great though. I'm ready to be a loser! Dr. Redmond's office is still being fickle and not sending my file over to Dr. Case's office! I can't imagine if I was still working with them...Dee has been out of town and I wouldn't have been able to even move on to the next phase of this process until she comes back. If I had stayed there it could have easily been until Sept. that I would have had my surgery. I'm so glad I was informed to change surgeons. I'm ready to do this!! I'll post more on Friday after my next appointment.
4/12/04
Well, last Friday I completed all my blood work, EKG, ekocardiogram, pulmonary function test, and blood oxengenation test. If you want to know about any of the test please e-mail me b/c I haven't the energy to describe each one. Well, I got my CPAP machine today....still can't sleep with it. I tried to take a nap...unsuccessfully. Oh well. Also, I got all the paperwork for all my pre-op appointments and when to arrive in the hospital and things like that. I am SO FREAKIN READY TO LOSE THIS WEIGHT! It's about a month away, and my 20th birthday is on May 11th...so, I'll be a little over 20 when my new life begins...not too bad, eh? My best friend will stay with me in the hospital and my mom will watch my little one. Well, I'll keep you all posted on the goings-on. <3
4/15/04
Well, I pre-registered at Northside Hospital today. I don't have any more appointments for a couple weeks now. Which is good though b/c I have 2 presentations to prepare for and 2- 10 page papers to write for the end of my semester. It's so much work, and I know it's making me a better/smarter woman, but I often ask myself why I'm putting myself through all this stress!!! Ahh, I know the sacrifice will be worth it someday..soon I hope! I'll post more after my next appointments. <3
5/4/04
I just got back from my PCP clearance and everything went perfectly. My Dr. said everything looked good and he would fax the papers over to Dr. Case. 10 days til surgery, I can't believe it! My pre-op is on Wednesday, so I'll post more after that. <3
5/6/04
Well, yesterday I had my pre-op with Dr. Case and I went to the anesthesiologist (sp?) at Northside Hospital. In Dr. Case's office I was running late so I had to wait for everyone else to see him before I did. But it ended up working out fine b/c I had a list of about 60 questions to ask him (LOL). And of course, he was really great about it. We laughed again. I even started to cry in his office b/c I was so scared of death and complications...but he actually came from behind his desk, sat next to me, and hugged me. I got a tissue and I felt SO much better that we had talked about it. He told me that I was going to be just fine, and that I was so young. He also told me he's done about 200 surgeries on his own and that a few of them had been young girls my age and in college. That made me feel so much better as well. We went over all my paper work and tests etc, and he said everything looked excellent. I was glad. So, he sent me off with this big packet of info. about what to expect after surgery. Then I left from his office and I went to get some lunch and I went directly over to my next appointment at Northside. It really is a nice hospital. I went in and I talked to the nurse from the anesthesiologist (sp?) dept. and we went over the pain control for after the surgery. And I had to sign all of those awful papers about death again. Then surprise suprise a nurse came in to do my ABG's which they tried to do at my pulmonary function test...they tried twice, hit a nerve in my arm, it went numb, I cried so hard and told them to stop after 2 tries. So, this nurse did the same thing again, and I cried like a frickin' baby. But finally on the 2nd stick my blood was flowing...thanks goodness. Then I sat in the room for like 45 minutes waiting for the nurse to come back in and she never did. Apparently they forgot about me, and they had anoter vile of blood they needed from me, so another lady came in and finished everythingh up. There was HORRIBLE traffic on 285 from an accident and I ended up being 30 minutes late picking up Bekah. Poor baby! So, that looks like about everything. Dr. Case gave me the diet I should follow the day before suggery, and I can't lie...I'm not exactly exicted about giving myself a FLEET enema! HAHAHAH! And I was also informed that I should take some pictures of myself in underwear, but I can't imagine what brave soul would want to do that for me! HAHAHA. Oh well. Maybe Danielle will? I'll post the day before my surgery to tell you all about my exciting afternoon with enemas. <3
5/8/04
I knew something had to go wrong!!! I just got a call from my surgeon's office and they have to reschedule my surgery for the following week. So, instead of the 14th, it's now gonna be the 21st because the guy Dr. Case works with is going on vacation and he doesn't want to work with anyone else. I'm so disappointed, but Dr. Case said it would be better this way becasue my surgery will go more smoothly. Damn damn damn damn damn. Oh well...just more waiting time. <3
5/20/04
Well, it's the night before surgery. I've had an interesting night with enemas and magnesuim citrate (horribly nasty stuff by the way!) And so now...I'm just waiting...to go to the bathroom I guess. hahah Anyways, I have a billion things running through my head now. My mom took my daughter to sleep over my apartment and continue packing things becuase I will be moving out by the end of the month and I'm not gonna be able to do much after my surgery. I'm honestly praying that there will be no complications, and gees, I hope I survive. But like Danny Perry says, "Aint no thang but a chicken wang. And if you're gonna croak you're gonna croak." hahaha But I have been fasting all day and I already miss food. It's sad because for the past 20 years of my life I've had a food obession, which explains perfectly my 100 or so extra pounds. I hope this new lifestyle will be something that I will be able to adapt into my life quickly. I hope I don't mourn too long. Who knows how I'll feel after the surgery. But I do know one thing-there's not turning back now. But I'll tell you, I've had a hell of a time today. My surgeon's office called me today and told me that DeKalb Medical Center still hadn't faxed over my EKG report, I sighed a heavy sigh thinking that my surgery would once again have to be rescheduled. But luckily, I just went over and did another one. So, I called my Dr.'s office and she said everything is fine and just to proceed to the hospital in the AM. (7AM that is!) I watched my daughter wave goodbye to me, and I felt the tears well up, but I just kept thinking, no, I'm not gonna cry because I know that things are gonna be allright and crying would just be a waste of my energy. I love my daughter, when I look at her, the feeling is just pure joy, there is no room for anything else. She is my whole world, and I want to watch her grow into an awesome woman. There is nothing I want more. I guess that's why I'm having this surgery too. I mean, it's definately for me too, but Bekah is totally my motivation and reason for even wanting to become something. And really, nothing else matters except for our little family unit. I love her to peices, and the most painful thing going into this surgery is knowing that my death would cause her pain, somehow, in her life, and that is something I want to avoid. Gees, I am totally rambling. But I guess this is normal for someone who is going into surgery in a few hours. I am looking forward to the "i don't care" medicine they give you in pre-op. hehe :) Anyways, I will be leaving here (my parents house) in a little while and I will be spending the night with Danielle (my best friend who will be with me the entire stay in the hospital). We will go to the hospital in the morning. So, bye for now and I will see you all on the other side. I'm finally gonna be shedding this fat that's holding me back from so many things I want to do! <3
5/27/04
Well, I'm alive. I've been in alot of pain lately, but things have been going OK. I was in the hospital for about 3 1/2 days. My surgery was about 3 or so hours long. I love Dr. Case, he just always makes me feel better about things. It is SOOO easy to get overwhelmed about drinking enough and eating enough. I need to drink more and walk more. I have a one week follow-up with Dr.Case tomorrow, I'm pretty sure I'm lost about 10 or so lbs. But we'll see. When I'm in this much pain it doesn't even matter how much I've lost. My main goal at this point is to just start feeling better! Well, if anyone wants to know more about what actually happened in the hospital please e-mail me b/c I haven't the energy to post it all. <3
6/4/04
Well everyone, I've been doing OK. I'm just trying to get used to my new pouch and eating habits. Food used to RULE MY LIFE, and even now, everywhere I go there is food food food. It's crazy when I think about how much I used to eat. I'm only 2 weeks post-op, so I'm still pretty much eating everythign pureed and soft. It sucks, but I've lost 16lbs in less than 2 weeks. I DO NOT see the weight loss at all, but I'm sure I will soon. I went to see my surgeon yesterday for a check-up because I had puss leaking out of my incision. (By the way, Dr. Case is SO AWESOME! My incision is only 3 inches long! Incredible!) I thought it might be infected, but he said it was a seroma. So, he had to actually cut a few of my stitches and pop this thing...all the puss and fluid came gushing out....ok ok ok I know, really gross...sorry! But anyways, he packed a TON of gauze down in this hole and told me to change it everyday for the next week and wear a binder. So, now I have this nickle sized HOLE in my stomach and Dr. Case wants me to stuff gauze down there everyday...I could hardly do it this morning...ugh...just the thought of it freaks me out so bad. But the whole idea is that it heals from the inside out. I know it's gonna take some weeks before this big hole closes up, and that disappoints me because I was looking forward to swimming with my daughter and things of that nature. Oh well, this is only temporary. But on a lighter note...I am moving around better and drinking more. I still have to work my way up to 6-8 cups a day. I'm still on about 4 cups. I've been good about taking my vitamins too. I'm finally back to driving myself around which is a great stress relief to give me back a little of my independance. I do have fears about losing slowly, not losing enough, being able to eat too much and too fast. Ugh, before I would just stuff my face, now I have to think about everything before I eat, and make sure I don't drink and eat at the same time. I have cried a few times just b/c I missed food so much, but things are getting better, and I'm looking forward to my summer and my fall semester as a JUNIOR! College is flying by! Anyways, things are OK for now, they will be better once this hole closes! I'll post more later! <3
6/10/04
Well, I just came back from my 3rd check-up with Dr. Case...I'm disappointed that I only lost 2 lbs this week, and I can't figure out why. I mean, I've hardly eaten a thing. God, I hope I don't start slowing down from here on out. Good news, I don't have to pack gauze into my hole anymore, Dr. Case put some steri-strips on it and wants to see me again in 2 weeks. He also gave me the clear to start water aerobics and eat different kinds of foods like salad and I can chew now instead of puree. (Not that I really ever did that much anyway!) God, I want to lose ALL of this weight SO bad, and it scares the crap out of me that I'm not gonna make it to goal and that things are gonna be really really slow. Gees, some people lose 18 lbs in 10 days! :Sigh: I am on my period too, I don't know if that has something to do with it. Gees, I hope when I go back to see Dr. Case things will be moving again. Food just isn't the same to me anymore, it sucks honestly. It pisses me off that I have to waste so much food, and that I can't finish a meal. But then I know it's good I can't finish b/c then I wouldn't be losing any weight at all. This is frustrating. I wish I knew what I was doing wrong. I'm gonna start writing down all the things I'm eating and then bring them with me next time I go see Dr. Case. I'm also gonna beg my mom for a membership to the YMCA. Also, I think posting positive affirmations around my room with help too. I just have to think about food as a means to fuel my body. I need to understand that everything I eat will either help take the weight off or help keep it on. God I hope this surgery doesn't fail me! <3
6/11/04
Overeating SUCKS! You talk about some pain! Boy O Boy. It is NOT fun, but I guess I'm living and learning. I went tout to dinner with my dad for the first time last night. We went to Joe's Crab Shack, and I ordered and appetizer of "peel and eat shrimp." Haha, well, I ate 2 shrimp really fast and I thought I was gonna have to excuse myself and go the bathroom. I was SO full it was gross. It's so funny b/c my dad ordered 33 shrimp and I ate 2! haha Before this surgery I could have easily eaten 33 shrimp...plus 2 or 3 glasses of water, coke, or iced tea. Now I'm lucky if I can finish 2 shrimp and a SIP of water. It pisses me off...wasting so much food, not being able to finish a meal, and just how food just isn't the same to me anymore. It's like all the fun is taken out of food and eating. But I guess that just goes to show you how unhealthy I was thinking about food...normal people don't get pissed off about things like that. But another thing that pisses me off so bad too is how I see those skinny little "you-know-whats" and they're drinking their sodas and eating their fries and other fried foods, and they are SOO thin, and here I am suffering through WLS and my food addiction just to get out of the "MORBIDLY OBESE" range. I pray to GOD that I lose the amount of weight I'm supposed to. I have to, or all of this will be for nothing. I started writing down what I'm eating everyday...it's weird b/c it's hardly anything at all, but I feel like I eat and drink ALL day long. Oh boy, this is gonna take more getting used to than I thought. :Sigh: But I am still glad I did it, and I'm still thrilled that I found Dr. Case...I love him to death! He's such a great man, I really do love him. He saved my life really. <3
6/18/04
Hi everyone. Well, I'm feeling more like myself these days...with the exception that I hardly eat anything throughout the day. I try, but it's just like nothing tastes good or feels good in my stomach. The pressure and nausea just sucks (for lack of a better word) after eating any sort of 'normal' food. Some days chicken will be OK, and then other days I will throw up. And I guess I eat too fast...but here's a word to the wise...eating and drinking at the same time is a bad habit to start! I find that I can eat SOOO much more when I drink and eat at the same time. But it makes me feel more normal...in some ways I feel like I am forever 'de-normalized'...even though I know it won't be forever. Anyways, I've lost close to 30 lbs now, I think. My scale is always different from Dr. Case's scale. I'm going back to see Dr. Case on June 25th, then I'll be able to get my official weight. I'll post more after that visit. <3
6/19/04
What did I do to myself? I hate that I did this. *Sigh* I miss food. I don't want to eat b/c I'm afraid to throw up, and b/c everytime I do eat I feel so sick. Last night I went to the mall and I ate some deli turkey and lettuce. I threw up about 5 times. I called Dr. Case and he prescribed me some nausea medicine and I have to go in to see him on Monday for some sort of test. He's probably gonna check if my stoma is enlarged. I just absolutely hate not being able to eat. I had this sugery b/c I was CRAVING to be normal, and now I feel less normal than I did before this surgery. I am regretting my decision and I am very depressed. I know this sort of thing is normal, especially since I'm only a month out. I know that things will be OK in a few months. I had no idea how sick I would feel most of the time. I'm not eating enough, drinking enough, or getting enough protein. I just feel tired and sick...some days are better than others. I am just missing food ALOT. I was reading yesterday that gastric bypass patients are the ONLY animals in the entire world that have a mouth bigger than the stomach. I'm mad at myself for even being addicted to food. The thing that used to make me satisfied was ultimately the thing that was making me miserable, tired, unhappy, unhealthy, and was eventually going to kill me. I get so mad when I see normal sized people stuffing their faces with fried food. What the hell is wrong with me??? Why do I have to suffer just to be thin, when they get it so easily. Life sucks when you can't enjoy your food. *Sigh* I hope things will get better soon. I'm tired of jello and sugar free pops. I just want to be normal!!!! <3
6/26/04
Well, lately I haven't been able to drink or eat without feeling completely sick or throwing up. I'm eating less than 100 cals a day and my Dr. is concerned. I just can't do it though, it hurts! Last night I was in the ER b/c I was sick and hadn't eaten a thing, and had only one cup of water the entire day. I just feel weak and dizzy. I feel a little better today. On Monday I have to do another swallow test and may have to undergo an endoscopy-my stoma may be swollen or something like that. For now, I just have to force myself to eat and drink. I'm still trying to find a protein shake I can stomach...literally. I have been put on 4 different kinds of nausea medicine and none seem to be helping very much. I just keep thinking, what the hell have I done? I would love to have my old stomach back, but I can't un-ring a bell. I just keep praying for Divine healing and I pray that this will all be a thing of the past very soon! <3
6/29/04
Well, Friday night I went to the ER b/c I was completely sick and dehydrated. They gave me fluid...there was nothing else they could do. On Monday morning I went for a swallow test which indicated that my opening from the stomach to the intestinal limb is very small and probably healed with some scar tissue which made it alot smaller. Anyways, I love Dr. Case so much...he agreed to have the stoma streched a bit. So, on Thursday I will be going to Northside Hosp. for an endoscopic dialation. They're going to sedate me while they put this thing down my throat with a balloon and then strech the hole a bit with the balloon. I'm not looking forward to it at all, but it will provide relief, so I'm all for it. I'm feeling very optimistic. I find that I can eat carbs alot easier than I can eat protein...it just hurts so much! Anyways, I'm down about 30lbs in 5 weeks. Not too bad I guess. I still have 90 more lbs to go!!! I'll update more after the proceedure. <3
7/2/04
Well, I had another trip to the ER b/c I had extreme pain in my lower abdomen after being constipated for 3 weeks and finally going to the bathroom. They gave me morphine, more IV fluid, and took some x-rays. The ER doc was rude and condescending...he actually made me feel stupid for coming to the ER! Anyways, I had my endoscopic dialation yesterday afternoon and I was really nervous. My friend, Sarah, from school drove me which was incredibly generous of her. Well, they gave me some demerol (yes another IV) and I was half way conscious during the proceedure. All I really remember is them putting this plastic thing in my mouth and then gagging and burping. It went really quick though and Dr. Toubbeh was super sweet. She prescribed me some aciphex and told me she wanted to another proceedure in 6 weeks. My throat hurt afterwards but I did manage to eat a little without throwing up. But now, once again I am faced with nausea after drinking any type of liquid. Water, sugar free kool aid, crystal light, tea, everything hurt so bad!!! It's hard to get in all the liquid and food requirements. I know that I am not coming anywhere close to the reccommended protein intake. God, I pray things will get better soon. I'm sick of being sick all the time. <3
7/30/04
Hello! Well, things are going pretty good for me now. I am getting used to my new eating habits. I am craving more healthy food and am learning how to cook and eat healthier. I like this alot. However, I really need to start working out...I haven't lost any weight at all in like 2 weeks. I'm not sure if this is a plateau or what? I also need to drink more water and be more serious about my daily vitamin. But overall I've lost about 45lbs and have gone down a few sizes. I am still fat though, and it's frustrating. I hope I start losing again soon. I have an appointment with Dr. Case in a couple weeks, and then ater that I am back to college. I will be sure to update my profile...if anyone actually even reads this? Ta ta! <3
8/8/04
I am so frustrated with this weight loss thing. I haven't lost a stinkin' pound in almost a month! I am not eating any more than I was before, in fact, I try to eat healthier!! I don't know what to do...and I am scared because I have an apt. with Dr. Case in 3 days! I doubt very much I'll lose 10lbs in 3 days! I'm sure he'll be disappointed in me. Ugh, this sucks. I guess I need to just start exercising more. Can someone please help me!?
8/22/04
Well, I've lost 56lbs in 3 months. I was really hoping to be out of the 200's by my 3rd month...but that didn't happen. I'm happy with how far I've come. Eating is easier for me now and people are really noticing a difference in the way I look. I just got back to campus and eating campus food is going to be a challenge, but I know I can do it. I'm gonna HAVE to start working out more...I need it...without it I will never get to goal weight. Things are much more smooth going now and I'm excited about the journey ahead of me.
9/6/04
Well, I've lost about 62lbs in 3 1/2 months. I was on a plateau (I guess) for a little while. I've been doing alot of walking here on campus, however, I've been eating more too. Not always the best food either, so I guess the walking makes up for it. But guess this, now that my skin is sagging, I've developed a horrible rash inside my belly button. It's red and inflamed-I think it's from always being so sweaty inside there! Dr. Case called in some kind of creme for me, but the pharmacy closed early due to Labor Day. I'll just have to get it tomorrow. On another note, my daughter turned 2 on Saturday the 4th! I'm so proud of her. I am still fat though...in a size 20 bottoms and a 14 top. (Strange I know...that's my pear-shaped body for ya!) I weigh about 204lbs now. I'm really really hoping to be out of the 200s by Sept. 21st. I know I'm gonn have to really work out if I want to get there! I know I can do it...I just have to plan my work and work my plan. Easier said than done. Man, I want to be skinny SOOO bad! I'm tired of being the fattest girl everywhere I go. Ugh...and this is how it is even after losing 62 lbs! Hopefully, I'll have good news at my next post! <3
9/9/04
Well, according to the scale I stepped on last night, I am now, officially, out of the 200's. I weighed in at 198 last night. I am still a fatty, but I'm definately getting there! Yay for me! I'm never gonna see the 200's again!
10/4/04
Well, I've been in some pain lately. The other day I had this awful tightening feeling in my stomach and chest...I thought I was having a heart attack. I went to the ER and they ran a bunch of tests and they found nothing. They gave me a bunch of pain killers and it went away after about a week. But now, it's back....the pain is awful and drinking and eating just makes it worse. UGH, I hate this so much...I have had such a rough time surgery...but I know it's worth it. I just hate feeling so sick! I hope that this doesn't last too much longer! I wish I knew what was triggering these painful attacks. On another note, I am now in a size 18 and have lost about 74 lbs. I am excited about that, and guys are definately looking at me and noticing me more. I'd still like to get down to about 130-140lbs. I weigh about 193 right now, so I still have about 50-60 more lbs to go. And I know it ain't commin' off that fast anymore. My hair has been falling out like crazy too! Dr. Case suggested Biotin and more protein. Isn't everything more protein??? Eat more protein...blah blah blah. I'm just tryin' to get through all this pain!! And also I've been getting this awful itchy burning rash in my belly button from all my loose skin hanging over it all day long. Ugh, it's just awful. I've been using a creme that Dr. Case gave me. And it will go away in a few days, but then it always comes back. I hope that when my weight loss is done that I'll be able to have a tummy tuck...and maybe even buy some boobs! Heheh. :) But for now, I am still fat, and I need to just get the rest of the weight off. I'll update more later! <3
10/14/04
As of Monday I have been working out every other day! I am really excited about this because I feel like I'm really gonna stick to it! I hope I lost more weight this week because that will REALLY motivate me to keep working out! I have been doing 30 min. on the Eliptical Machine and then just going down the row and doing the weight machines for my back, legs, arms, and abs. I want to get to my goal weight SO bad! Even if it kills me!! I figure anywhere between 130-140lbs is gonna be a good weight for me. I'm about 190lbs right now...but I'm only 5'2", SO this is too big for me. I'll keep you posted on the work out and weight loss info!!
11/3/04
Well, lately I've been feeling like I can eat WAY too much. Almost like a "normal" person, even! It scares me to death, because I still make bad food choices sometimes. I am obsessed with calories and carbs, sugar, etc. I think about food too much now that I have been working out. Not like I want to eat all the time, but more like how much I am going to burn off etc. And Halloween has created issues for me too b/c the candy is everywhere, and I almost don't even think about it before I put the candy in my mouth...it's just like how it was before surgery....addicted and out of control. I just need to get a grip and not let myself eat these things. But on another note, I've lost some more weight, and I'm in a size 16 jeans at Old Navy...and a Large top. I am still fat though...maybe I will always be fat...like my body wasn't designed to be smaller than it is now. I weigh about 187...still too much. I wish it would just melt off. I am seriously considering plastic surgery on my stomach...the skin just hangs...ugh...it's awful and ugly!!! I want to be skinny!!! Man, this is so frustrating. I'm in a bad mood, can you tell? I'll update more when I'm in a better mood!!
12/6/04
Hello. Well, I'm officially down 88lbs from my highest weight (from 266 to 178). I'm having some stomach pain today, which is unusual b/c I've been feeling great lately. I called Dr. Case and he recommended more pain med. So, I guess that's what I'll do. People are really noticing my weight loss now. Every where I go people tell me how great/different I look. Honestly, I still feel exactly the same. I know that must sound crazy...but it's true. I'm still fat, I still have hanging skin, and the only that that has really changed in my life are the numbers when I step on the scale. I'm still in a "plus-size". I can wear some 14's, but I'm probably mostly in a 16. I'm still about 40lbs overweight. Which is definately better than being 130lbs overwight, but...I'm still frustrated. I've been taking Pilates classes, and I've gotten out of my cardio routine. But for Christmas I'm asking my parents for a "Curves" membership. I really like the idea of an all women's environment as well as the fact that it only takes 30 min! I just got hired at Bath and Body Works and I guess I'll be starting there sometime soon. This week is finals week and I have a paper due tomorrow, which I haven't started as well as 3 finals to study for. Sheesh...stress!! Anyways, my food choices...sigh...most of the time are pretty OK, and sometimes (rarely) are not so great. I eat alot of Lean Cuisines! Those are great for me...I get thrown off though...low-carb or low-cal.? Which one is better? Ugh. It makes my head hurt. I REALLY need to start drinking more b/c I am convinced that my stomach pain is assiciated with my gallbladder; Dr. Case doesn't think so, but I'm almost positive. Drink Drink Drink. I drink water, and minute maid's light lemonade which only has 5 cals. in 12oz. I'll take sips of my daughter's juice from time to time, but never cups of it. I guess this surgery has changed my life and the way I think about and look at food. I still have a lot of the same cravings, and I wouldn't say that I am SO STRONG in always saying no. B/c sometimes I will have some ice cream. But I guess the difference is the amount of ice cream I eat now as compared to what I'd eat before surgery. I'm almost 21, and I've got to confess that I have been drinking more alcohol, not too great, I know. But OH MY GOD, I get drunk SO easily...I'm talking less than 2 glasses of wine, a few sips of hard liquor, and I am SHOT for the night. (It's b/c I have no stomach acid and the alcohol goes straight into my intestines...if you were wondering.) Anyways, I'm gonna go try and eat a little something again, even though my stomach is still hurting. Please, somebody e-mail me! I know there are people that read this journal, I have a counter on the top!! ASK ME A QUESTION DAMNIT! :) <3
1/24/05
Happy New Year! And let me begin by saying that the above passage was not intended to give the impression that I drink alcohol regularly or in large quantities. Now, with that being said, I am officially 8 months post op. Kinda scary...I'm running out of "weight Loss" time. I just started back at school and I'll be taking a dance class and I have a "work out" buddy, so hopefully I'll lose some more weight via the exercise. I weigh about 170 right now. Ugh, and still fat. Although most people tell me how "skinny" I am. Please people, I am a size 14! That aint skinny. It's nice to be complimented though. I have SOOOO much lose skin, when I pull all of that out of the way and see my actual shape, I might actually believe that I am a thin person. I'm dating this new guy, he seems to be very attracted to me...we'll see how that goes. I can eat ALOT more now...even the bad stuff. Here comes the will power...I HAVE to say no...that is why I had this surgery, so that I wouldn't be able to eat these foods...but I can eat and drink everything, so I must discipline myself. I deserve it...I guess that's what's different...I feel like I owe it to myself to be healthy. This surgery doesn't fix anything...it still has to come from within if I want a major change in my life. Other wise, life is still stressful...but now I'm just living it in a smaller body. I get tons of attention from guys now...I used to think I'd like that, honestly, it's just plain annoying. Like, Yes...I am a white girl with a big booty, get over it! I work at the mall, so you can only imagine the kinds of guys I deal with everyday. I'm getting there...slowly I suppose. I still want to lose about 35 more lbs. That will put me at 135...and that is completely OK with me, I think, I will probably change my mind...LOL. But I definately want to have plastic surgery...I'm looking so forward to it!! I just hope my insurance will cover it. By the way, I still love Dr. Case (he is such a cutie!) However, I cannot stand his new office manager (I'm not the only one though, I've heard many complaints from the other women I've talked to) Anyways, she's completely incompetent and rude...he really should just hire me!!! :) Anyways, good luck to everyone who is having surgery in the near future, feel free to e-mail me with any questions! God Bless! <3
2/7/05
Plateau HELL!!! Ugh...not a damn pound in close to 3 weeks! I'm moving more, eating less...this surgery confuses me. Also, have any of you post-ops noticed that some days you can (or at least feel like you can) eat like a cow and then other days you can hardly eat anything? Anyways, that's the story of my life these days. I still eat alot of Lean Cuisines and Healthy Choice Meals...they seem to be a good portion size I think. I feel like I can eat so much now. Realistically though, I'm not eating that much. I've had stomach pain recently, and called Dr. Case. He called me in a prescription but apparently, I've been booted off Medicaid and I have no idea why, so I wasn't able to pick up the medicine. When I get some free time I have to go back up to the DFCS and figure what the hell is going on. Well, needless to say the pain comes and goes...some days more severe than others. But on a happier note, I am back to working out regularly. I still want to lose 30-40 more lbs. Who even knows if I'll be able to. I guess I will have to crack down severely on what I am eating and how much I am exercising. NO way in hell am I eating enough food to sustain a 170lb person though! This weight loss thing confuses me. Carbs vs. calories...I'll never understand that either! Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever even get to goal...like it's my destiny to always be in a plus size for the rest of my life. People actually tell me that I am skinny now...dillusional folks...maybe I'll get there someday. My 1 year anniversary is May 21st...I've hardly lost a pound in close to a month...I doubt I'll get to goal by May. I'm still looking forward to plastic surgery though. I'll update more later...hopefully it will be good news! <3
4/10/05
Hey everyone. Yes, I know it's been a while. Well, the good news is I have a real life now and I go out with friends (and guys) quite a bit now. I weigh about 165 now. I'm still a 14 on bottom and a 10 on the top, so I wear a size 12 dress. That's crazy! Anyways, I love myself, but I definately would like to have a tummy tuck in the near future...the skin is just getting SO bad. I still have to remind myself to eat healthy. I still can't eat large portions of food, which is great...it's basically the only reason why I haven't gained weight. I'm so tired right now, I'll update more later. <3
5/18/05
Hello everyone. Well, it's almost been an entire year since my surgery. Wow. That is so crazy to me. I'm such a different person, aside from being 100 or so pounds lighter, I feel like I have an actual life with a great future to look forward to! I saw Dr. Case this afternoon and I was really hoping he'd submit a request for me to have plastic surgery, but he didn't. He told me to come back in 3 months...and he wants me to lose like 8 more lbs. I think I can do that. I weigh about 155lbs right now..down from 266 and I wear a size 12...down from a 24...pretty impressive. I'm a size medium on the top, down from an XXL, and a 34A bra down from a 42B. Even my ring size shrunk! From an 8 to a 5 1/2!!! (Jesus, how come no one told me I was disgusting?) On another note, I'm not having any pain or nausea, which is great...but this skin on my belly drives me insane!! I know it shouldn't but it really does! Dr. Case told me that all guys won't care...LOL...it's so cute how he thinks it's about sex...hahaha. (Well, maybe it is a little! haha) I definately am gonna have plastics though, even if it means I have to pay for it myself! (I really don't have ,000 though!) I'll start saving now...lol...I'll have enough when I'm 40 years old! Well, I am leaving out of the country tomorrow and I have so many things I have to do from now until then. I love you all and hope that you'll e-mail me soon! Until next time...<3
April 20th, 2006
Wow. I know I've updated since last year, I think some of my entries got deleted. But, I'm doing well. My weight fluctuates around 157-165...I would still like to lose more weight...but my gastric bypass "ride" is over and I have to lose the rest with exercise and careful dieting...and that is still really hard for me to do. I had a plastic surgery consult last week. I have alot of lose skin on my tummy...and my thighs too. I'd really love to have a lower body lift (and a breast aug. but I don't have the money now for that), but I am petrified of that. I'm hoping to be approved for a panniculetomy in another 3-5 weeks. So, I will keep you all updated. I have an amazing boyfriend now...he's lookin' like a keeper. I'm really hoping to get approved and get rid of this skin. It still makes me very uncomfortable and I still feel very fat with it. I will update again soon. Oh, and my plastic surgeon is Grace Ma, at Peachtree Plastic Surgery.
August 3, 2006
Well, I've been approved to have a panniuclectomy on August 11th. I am nervous...definately scared...and a little annoyed that I'm not getting a full tummy tuck...because medicaid won't pay for it. I might even lose my belly button. Dr. Ma said she'd try to save it for me...but that she couldn't promise. Gees. I hope it turns out alright. I know it's going to be painful-I've heard plenty of horror stories. Well, wish me luck! And I'll update when I'm on the other side!
October 23, 2006
And so the saga of my weight loss continues. This is the lowest I've ever weighed in my adult life....151lbs! I had my tummy tuck about 2 months ago and I am OK with the results. I wish Dr. Ma would have taken more skin, but it's over and done with now. The recovery was NOTHING at all compared to the gastric bypass...OMG. Seriously...I was up walking around town two days after. Yes, it's uncomfortable and I hated the drains...but I feel like it went by pretty fast. The irony of the situation is that my boyfriend helped me through the WHOLE thing...only to tell me 2 weeks ago that he isn't sexually attracted to me and can no longer continue to be in a realtionship with me. After ONE YEAR...he said it's because of my skin and my weight! Holy shit...I mean...you think he might have told me this sooner? It's frustrating and hurtful and makes me feel so damn inadequate. I really wanted to get breast implants before because my boobs have shrunk down to oblivion...but now I don't know if I want them to try and be more sexually attractive to him (he's a boob man) or if I want them for myself? I'm gonna have to pay for them out of pocket...so I need to make sure. I mean, I definately wouldn't mind having bigger boobs! I'll probably end up doing it...but not right now. I also plan to have the skin removed on my upper arms, but that's also going to happen later on when I've saved up the money for it. I'm graduating from college in two months and I'm looking for employment and applying to grad. school programs. I'm loving the way I look...I think I am so sexy! I do hate my loose skin and I am in the process of toning up...but you would think that he'd love me more than that? He's such a stupid fool. It makes me sad. :(
December 15, 2006
Well, here comes another chapter. I am at my all time lowest weight! I'm 146 lbs...give or a take a few lbs depending on the time of the month! I can't believe it! ALSO...I'm having a breast augmentation and brachioplasty on the 19th! I am terrified that I will have hideous looking boobs...but i just pray it all goes well. The guy I mentioned above told me that he doesn't ever want to be with me again. So, that's over for sure. I guess I part of me will always want him to grovel and beg for me back. It makes me sad. :( Well, I'm just looking forward to the next chapter of my life...working and graduate school! I'll keep you all posted after my surgery on Tuesday! OMG! I can't believe it!
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adnan commented on 12/24/06 7:36 pm 
