Here I am again and hopefully this time (the third) will be a charm.  I have still not lost any weight. I am all settled in my new home and I have sligtly less to worry about now. Finances are thight but I am digging us upward out of it.  I wish that my husban's business would take off so that he can be happy and we don't have to rely on me so much.

I found a new doctor here in Chicagoland.  I am really impressed with his "aftercare" program.  I went for 1 fill so far, I was only at .5cc and now I am at 1.0cc. I also am seeing their nutritionist, psychologist and Nurse Practitioner.  My goal is to lose 30 lbs by summer so that I can get pregnant.

As for my medical issues, I think that the Sarcoidosis is in remission.  I am in need of a blood test to show the change in ACE levels in my blood.  I also just found out that I am a carrier for thaelessemia (sp?) which is a blood disorder that causes coolieys anemia (I think that was it's old name). I have a mild form which is causing anemia in me but that is not a big deal. My hubby needs to be tested but he is Jewish and I am Italian and I have been blessed with this because of my family heritage as carriers of this disease.  They say that people of Medeterrainean descent can get this disease.  Glad I do not have it 100% because it is pretty bad. So hubby is on the way to get a blood test and I am pretty sure that he will not also be a carrier.

So, I am resolving to be here every day and I am now using Sparkpeople to log my food.  It really helps to do that because I will be able to SEE my caloric intake as it happens.  Thank goodness for technology because I would never be writing down my food, that would just drive me nuts.

GET TO THE GYM MELISSA!!!!!!  NOTHING ELSE IS MORE IMPORTANT!

That's  it for today.

I have thought about switching to the bypass time and time again.  I would be curious to hear what the doctor and the insurance company say.  I am not the kind of person to preach to you or to be mean spirited about your decision.  This is totally up to you and it is personal. 

I will say that I am not against the bypass totally but I still have the same feelings as I did when I chose the band over the bypass (healthier, less risks, etc) but I really do need to get this weight off so it is something worth considering. I guess that I am not running to the doctor to switch to bypass also because I am scared silly of surgery, even now.

I am trying something else out right now.

1. Mental readiness - I came back to OH which helped me decide in the first place
2. I am trying a new eating progam (because I think it still comes down just to calories in vs. calories out)
3. I am going to get myself to exercise very, very, soon (yes, this is a mental block and a time issue for me)

Anyway I can share some of my thoughts:

The band did not live up to my expectations but I did not live up the the band lifestyle either.  I think that while I was too tight I ae easy food, like cheese and crackers for dinner or red meat with no attempt at even touching chicken or fish. I made lot's of pasta and I had my own experience on what would go down and what would not.  I used this as my primary drivers on what to eat.  I would sometimes eat chip or ice cream for dinner if I was feeling especially tight.

I started thinking about what was at the core of my issues.  I do not think that I am 100% emotional eater, I may be more of a convenience eater.  I rarely go for fries or burgers and I will opt for good food if it is readily available and agreeable with my personal band experience. I could not eat salad almost from the beginning and I was not one to slow down and chew.  It was my issue alone and I cannot blame my band or my doctor.  I do blame the fact that I did not seek fills and unfills often enough.  I thought that I was having a perfectly normal experience.

I think that thias takes a lifestyle change overall and while most people hate the word diet, I am going to start on a healthy eating plan.  My husband and I have decided to go on Seattle Sutton's healthy eating.  I order food and it gets delivered to my house fresh twice a week.  It is not diet food it is regular fresh food but the meals are balanced and the portions are right.  People always say that "when you go off of that, you can not keep it up" and other things.  Here is how I rationalized it.  I no longer have to cook or shop for food.  Heck, I do not have to even do dishes anymore because it comes packaged in sectioned bowls. I took the 1200 calorie option that someone else has figured out for me.  I love fresh veggies but cooking them and them making sure I eat them was always a problem.  For example one of the meals contains asparaugs.  I love asparagus and purchased some a few weeks ago.  I threw out over 3/4ths of what I cooked because I could not eat it fast enough during that week.  The difference is that what I get from SSHE is 2-3 spears along with chicken or fish or whatever is on the menu. I do not go through the fridge looking to finish something just because I do not want to throw it out.  Also, i do not have to worry about "what's for dinner" if the food is already there.  I also do not feel guilty about going out to dinner because I know that will not have a week long binge because the SSHE is waiting for me the next day.  This happened this week because last night I had a team dinner meeting and I ate more than I wanted but what I really wanted was my SSHE food that was at home. 

I am starting to realize that my food issues are complex and in my heart I never thought they were about junk food or depression or midnight snacking. I simply do not have those issues, at least not to any measureable degree.  If i had to look into the psychology of it all I really think that I might have ADD.  Adult's can have this condition too.  If I tweak things about my behavior and make it easier for me not to have to make all these food choices I might have found my path to weight loss.  You see my choices were more mindless than anything.  I think I was eating solely with 2-3  criteria in mind: Is the food here? Does it taste good? What do I have to do to get it from the fridge to my tummy?  Kind of simple in a strange way. I am also not too much of a snacker but I gotta have it when I want it so I am not going to beat myself up over it when I do.  I do not keep cookies or snacks in the house but I do keep things like cereal bars and they seem to satisfy me.  I can just reach for that when I ned a snack.

This new healthy eating program is costing me around $100 per week.  I spend around $80 living my current lifestyle and I usually pick up a massive salad with bread and butter for lunch and perhaps a big bowl of pasta for dinner (because I have made too much and it is just "there" so I eat it).  I belive that this latest "try" is going to be successful.  I know that the band is just a tool, it does not force weight loss the same way bypass does.  I think it is behavior that has to change in the long-run.  

The band keeps me from one or two physical behaviors but my mind is stronger than my band and I really need to address my behavior.  That's what I am concentrating on this time and I am confident that oit will work.

This past spring I was diagnosed with a disease called Sarcoidosis.  I found out about this disease because I thought that my band had slipped or I was having reflux.  I felt a knot in my chest and some burning.  It turned out to be my lymphnodes in my chest and it was detected on a chest x-ray.  An "under-educated" radiologist diagnosed me with cancer and personally refusing that diagnosis, my pulmonologist biopsied my lungs and found Sarcoid.

Sarcoidosis is an auto-immune disease with many manifestations but mainly in the lungs.  There is no cure and there is no real undersatnding of the cause of this disease.  You may have heard of it because 9/11 workers came down with it.  I was not there on 9/11 but I worked across from the stock exchange at that time and went back to work after our building had been "cleaned".  I am not sure how I got it but I am just thanking God every day that I am doing well and I suspect that I may be in remission. The good news is that the disease can go away on its own.

The tricky thing about Sarcoidosis is that it can be found in other places in the body.  The skin, brain and heart and also kidney or spleen.  Usually there is no interference with the functioning of the organ but there can be.  Other than very deep coughing and chest pain, I think I may have had it in my eyes at one time (although I just got confirmation it is not in either one) I think I may have had it in my spleen because of some odd pains in that reason.

The thing I am so happy about is that all my symptoms are gone.  I had one symptom which was a twitch or muscle spasam right below my right eye which was visible but only if you were looking for it.  Needless to say it was annoying and a very strange sensation.  I also had one in a never before used muscle right on the tip of my nose. It was the strangest sensation and it happened frequently.  I did not make the connection with the disease and this strange twitching.  I thought it was nerves or something else.  My happy moment came today when I realized that I can not remember the last time I had that little twitch.  It was obvious when my cough went away.  I had co-workers come over to me and say that they noticed an improvement.  At one point I was unable to finish a sentence without running out of breath or coughing and they noticed that too.  Now it is totally gone.  With that twitch gone I did not even notice that it had left  me.  I am happy to see it go and I am feeling like I have overcome this disease.

Now, let me be successful with my band