I read other members Blogs and get so excited. I keep asking myself, Can I do this by myself? I've lost it before and gained it back. I have never been this big. So I am miserable with myself. I feel like I embaress my kids. I asked my eight year old if my weight embaresses her and she bluntly said "No, just when you don't wear makeup"..... then she says, "No offense", I just sat there, stunned. She says"You're supposed to say None taken." Well, I did ask her.
I am honestly getting so scared. I have backed out of having surgery before, at that time I only weighed 217 and today I weigh 263. I am only 5'3...... I need motivation. I know that exercise makes me shed the weight but I avoid my elliptical. I have recently started back doing situps. So thats a start. I did fifty last night and then went straight to sleep.
I am so sick of people asking me if I am pregnant or saying you have such a pretty face and /or hair. Yes I sold beauty products and everyday people would ask me questions like Am I taking medicines that have made me gain weight. Sick of hearing it. I have been married to my husband for almost 14 years and he loves me and has never complained about my weight. He tells me I need to for my health because diabetes runs in my family, they are all regular size though. So I have decided this is time for me to be happy with me. I feel so insecure being big. I feel that people give me dirty looks and I really hate the fake smiles. I have been in sales my entire 20 years of my adult life and I can sell anything and I know how to be good to my customer after the sale also, yet I was let go from my job in January of 2009 and have been to countless interviews and get great response but I have not got an offer. I know that my weight has made it harder for me. People are vain, they love attractive people.
I have my last appointment with Dr Karl Leblanc on September 28th and then pray that my insurance company gives the okay for surgery. I will be 40 on November 14th and I want to be on my way to a new, thinner me. I want to take my kids to Disney before my son graduates high school. We had to cancel our last trip b/c I was pregnant. She is 8 now and he is going to college in a year and a half. So on Labor Day I went to the local theme park with my family and was so embarressed to be in public in a bathing suit, eventhough I kept a coverup on the entire time. But I told myself I will not be this size next year so I went and I had fun.
I go to the nutritionist tomorrow and I still have to have the mental test.
Well, I guess I have rambled enough today.