melly37

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I weighed in at 189 lbs yesterday morning and at Dr. Acosta's office!    Oh well.....nothing I can do about the past.  I just have to move forward. 

Dr. Acosta only gave me 2 CC's.  I am disappointed but,  I have to listen to him.  He knows best, I am sure.  I am on liquids until tomorrow night, so I can't tell how much the fill helped me.  I am still feeling hungry, so I know it didn't get tight enough to kill the hunger.  I have another appointment in a month, so I will just have to be disciplined and patient.    I gained a total of 16 lbs from my last visit!!!  That's disgusting!!  I had lost 12 lbs at that point.  So.......I have gained a NET amount of 4lbs since surgery.  I guess that's not TOO bad considering I don't have a tool to help me fight my food addictions at this time.  It's still scary as hell that I could gain so much, so quickly!!  Yikes!!    I have been dealing with some major curveballs in my life, so I will try not to hate myself too much!!

My bad eating continued most of the week.  UGH.  I am stressing on finding a place to live.  I was eating everything....from cheeseburgers and fries to pizza.  Yesterday was the most stressful day I had in the week, I was proud of myself....I stayed away from carbs.  I managed to just say no.  I know that it can be done, but I am way too quick to "cut myself some slack" when I am going though something in order to comfort myself.  It might comfort me for 5 minutes, but then the guilt and self-hate sets in, making it all worse. I then have stress PLUS the bad feelings towards myself and the extra weight.

I have had to go out and purchase a couple of pairs of pants....I only have 2 size 12's and none of my 10's fit anymore.    I am mad at myself for letting it get out of control.  I know that Dr. Acosta will be a bit disappointed in my weight gain since seeing him last, but hopefully he will understand and fill my band up.  Lord knows I need it!!!  I can't wait to go on Monday!!

I forgot to weigh this morning before eating breakfast, so I will go by yesterday's embarassing weigh in of 186!  UGH!!  Not good!!!  Staying low carb until my fill, then being on liquids for a couple of days should help me get back on track.  I will update after my fill.  

UGH!!!  I am eating like crazy!   I have eaten some bad carbs this week, good carbs and in general just a lot of food!!  The scale reflects it too.......184!!  UGH!!  Auntie Flo showed up Monday night and I have had the complete week from hell!!  OMG.  It's been a horrible week.  So many unfinished items from my failed marriage, and they are all coming back to haunt me now.  On top of that stress, I have been acting for my boss, so I have had a ton of extra work and duties this week. 

Although my home stress isn't over with, I am thankful the week is over with.  I will get to spend time with my boyfriend and try and have a good time.  He really is great.   

I have to get my eating under control.....I am going to El Paso a week from Monday, and I would HATE to have gained a ton of weight since I saw him last.  He was so proud of me.  UGH.  I need that fill very badly........I hope he gives me a decent amount of saline!!  I can't wait!!!  I so miss the feeling of restriction and and I hate feeling hunger again.  It sucks!!  When Journey starts working for me again, I know I can get to goal weight, I just have to be very strong from now until then! 

I didn't update last Saturday, I was busy with my boyfriend.  Yep!  He is officially my boyfriend.  OMG.  It's been great.  I will probably change the day that I update my blog for now, since I don't see my schedule changing for the forseeable future!  ha ha!!!

Well, the scale has gone the wrong way the past two weeks!!    I AM staying low-carb, except for the good carbs, but my portion sizes have gotten pretty big.  Almost normal sizes  *sigh*  I am just so damn hungry all of the time now.  I hate being hungry.   I am back up to 178, which sucks.  Aunt Flo will be making an appearance soon, I am sure, probably in the next 4 days, so that could be part of my eating all of the time.  

I went to see a gynecologist last week and he ran a scan and said I am OVER hydrated!  ha ha!!  I have 10lbs of extra water weight according to his fancy machine.  Hmmmmm Well, I know that I should be very hydrated.  He also said that it is VERY possible to lose or gain 3 lbs in a day, as it is water weight.  I know that my body is VERY sensitive as far as retaining water.  It's just a fact of life for me.  

Two weeks from Monday I will be getting my much needed fill!!  Yay!!!!!  I hope that I can feel SOME restriction after getting that fill.  I need some help!!!!