melly37
Just An Update
Jul 27, 2010
I thought I would come and give an update to my fill. I was on liquids for 48 hours. I went out of town on Sunday, and driving down to our destination was the first that I ate solid foods. It wasn't too solid, actually a slider, but I shared a bag of Cheetos with my sweetie. ha ha They went down just fine (of course). We got to a small town and stopped to have lunch. We got some chicken strips and fries. I was only able to eat about 2 chicken strips. I got full, but not hurting full. I stopped eating and was okay. We got to our cabin, got checked in and relaxed a bit. I had my leftover chicken strips with me and ate another one.
I took a shower and had some wine. We went to the restaurant where we had reservations. I ordered prime rib with soup. The soup was more of a mashed bean, thick liquid, which was really good and went down just fine. The prime rib arrived and I was able to eat about 8 or so bites. They were small bites. I also had a very small piece of bread. It all went down fine, but at that point with the meat I knew that I had better stop. So, I knew then that my restriction was tighter......just not what it SHOULD be.
Yesterday morning I had some scrambled eggs and bacon. At dinner I had some ground beef and refried beans, probably about 3/4 to 1 full cup. I was good with that. I did have some chips and salsa before that, although not too many.
Today, I had a protein shake for breakfast. I was very hungry by 11am. I heated up a frozen dinner sort of like a Lean Cuisine and at the chicken out of it. I had just a few bites of the pasta. I could feel the chickn hanging in the pouch area, not stuck, just hanging in there. I was still hungry though. Weird sensation. I knew I had stop eating, but I was literally still hungry, just not head hunger. A friend of mine went to Costco and she brought me back a chicken bake. I was able to eat about 1/4 of it....bread and all. So, I know my restriction is not the best, but it is still better than it was.
If I can stick to mainly proteins and good foods., I could lose some weight. My next appointment is September 16th.....so I have over 7 weeks before I can get any more saline. UGH. I will do my best!!
2 comments
I took a shower and had some wine. We went to the restaurant where we had reservations. I ordered prime rib with soup. The soup was more of a mashed bean, thick liquid, which was really good and went down just fine. The prime rib arrived and I was able to eat about 8 or so bites. They were small bites. I also had a very small piece of bread. It all went down fine, but at that point with the meat I knew that I had better stop. So, I knew then that my restriction was tighter......just not what it SHOULD be.
Yesterday morning I had some scrambled eggs and bacon. At dinner I had some ground beef and refried beans, probably about 3/4 to 1 full cup. I was good with that. I did have some chips and salsa before that, although not too many.
Today, I had a protein shake for breakfast. I was very hungry by 11am. I heated up a frozen dinner sort of like a Lean Cuisine and at the chicken out of it. I had just a few bites of the pasta. I could feel the chickn hanging in the pouch area, not stuck, just hanging in there. I was still hungry though. Weird sensation. I knew I had stop eating, but I was literally still hungry, just not head hunger. A friend of mine went to Costco and she brought me back a chicken bake. I was able to eat about 1/4 of it....bread and all. So, I know my restriction is not the best, but it is still better than it was.
If I can stick to mainly proteins and good foods., I could lose some weight. My next appointment is September 16th.....so I have over 7 weeks before I can get any more saline. UGH. I will do my best!!
I Do Love Myself, It's Time To Show My Love
Jul 24, 2010
I broke down yesterday, at Dr. Acosta's office. I swear, I have cried more in the last few months then I have in a very long time. I was talking the nurse, Debbie, after she took my BP. I just started crying my eyes out. I couldn't stop it. All of the hate, sadness and disappointment I have in myself just rushed out. I am crying now as I write this, because it's all so painful.
I never wanted to be "that" girl again. Never wanted to be obsessed with food again, never wanted to look down and hope that no one notices me again. I never wanted to feel not good enough and feel shame again. Yet, I did. It doesn't matter that I have had so many things happen to me lately....I just need to really take responsibiity. Some of the bad things happening to me are because I was irresponsible, made poor choices, and some of the things are happening because of other people's callous and hurtful actions. Taking responsibility just means that I will no longer feed in to any of it.
What I put in my mouth today, is under MY control. How I feel about myself today is under MY control. Geez, if you think about it, why on earth would I inflict pain on myself at a time when I need to love myself? I do love myself. I have been abusive to myself, I have lied to myself and I have punished myself......what a rotten relationship that is!! I don't deserve that. I will no longer allow ANYONE to abuse me, and that includes ME.
Dr. Acosta was pretty understanding. He is still being very cautiious, not wanting to give me too much saline. He said he would give me more than he normally would at this point in the game. I have no idea how much he ended up giving me. I am curious, but I figured, it's just a number. If he only game me .5 CC's then I might think, "There is no way I have restriction" and make poor choices based around that assumption. He might have given me a full CC , not sure. I am on liquids, so I don't know how the restriction has changed for me. LIquids go down just fine, so I know that my fill is okay, just not sure if I will have a tighter restriction yet....one that will help with the hunger and volume of food.
What I am realizing though is, hating myself is getting me nowhere. I love myself, and no matter what kind of restriction I have, I have to live with myself and quit abusing me. I will treat me as my good friends and boyfriend treat me....with love, compassion, respect and honor. I am worth it. I am loved.
I weighed in at 203 on Acosta's scales. I weighed 200 this morning. I will be down in the 180's very soon. I have some size 10 jeans to get back in to for this fall!! ha ha
I am going on an overnight trip with my boyfriend tomorrow for his birthday. I reserved us a room at The Lodge in Cloudcroft. I am very excited about this. Much needed time away to love and be loved, by me......and with the boyfriend of course!! ha ha
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I never wanted to be "that" girl again. Never wanted to be obsessed with food again, never wanted to look down and hope that no one notices me again. I never wanted to feel not good enough and feel shame again. Yet, I did. It doesn't matter that I have had so many things happen to me lately....I just need to really take responsibiity. Some of the bad things happening to me are because I was irresponsible, made poor choices, and some of the things are happening because of other people's callous and hurtful actions. Taking responsibility just means that I will no longer feed in to any of it.
What I put in my mouth today, is under MY control. How I feel about myself today is under MY control. Geez, if you think about it, why on earth would I inflict pain on myself at a time when I need to love myself? I do love myself. I have been abusive to myself, I have lied to myself and I have punished myself......what a rotten relationship that is!! I don't deserve that. I will no longer allow ANYONE to abuse me, and that includes ME.
Dr. Acosta was pretty understanding. He is still being very cautiious, not wanting to give me too much saline. He said he would give me more than he normally would at this point in the game. I have no idea how much he ended up giving me. I am curious, but I figured, it's just a number. If he only game me .5 CC's then I might think, "There is no way I have restriction" and make poor choices based around that assumption. He might have given me a full CC , not sure. I am on liquids, so I don't know how the restriction has changed for me. LIquids go down just fine, so I know that my fill is okay, just not sure if I will have a tighter restriction yet....one that will help with the hunger and volume of food.
What I am realizing though is, hating myself is getting me nowhere. I love myself, and no matter what kind of restriction I have, I have to live with myself and quit abusing me. I will treat me as my good friends and boyfriend treat me....with love, compassion, respect and honor. I am worth it. I am loved.
I weighed in at 203 on Acosta's scales. I weighed 200 this morning. I will be down in the 180's very soon. I have some size 10 jeans to get back in to for this fall!! ha ha
I am going on an overnight trip with my boyfriend tomorrow for his birthday. I reserved us a room at The Lodge in Cloudcroft. I am very excited about this. Much needed time away to love and be loved, by me......and with the boyfriend of course!! ha ha
Friday Can't Get Here Soon Enough!!
Jul 21, 2010
I have my fill appointment this Friday!! UGH, I REALLY pray that Dr. Acosta gives me enough fill that I finally have RESTRICTION again.....and I pray that it's not too much!! I really feel like I have had a very hard time with my band for 8 months now.....it's time for me to have a good, working band and also for me to do MY part, too! Please send your positive thoughts my way!!!
I should be closing on my house on the 28th.....and then I am done. My son will be starting college soon after that. My divorce will be filed soon....I have so many irons in the fire, but slowly, one by one, they are being finished. I need to get back to having a pretty monotonous life....at least somewhat. I can then concentrate on ME and get back in to a healthy routine. This year has been an extremely challenging, sad, stressful year. It's over half over, thank God. I am praying the rest of the year will be much smoother sailing!!!
I am back up to 200 again. UGH. UGH. UGH. Have I told you lately that I hate myself? Well, I do.
2 comments
I should be closing on my house on the 28th.....and then I am done. My son will be starting college soon after that. My divorce will be filed soon....I have so many irons in the fire, but slowly, one by one, they are being finished. I need to get back to having a pretty monotonous life....at least somewhat. I can then concentrate on ME and get back in to a healthy routine. This year has been an extremely challenging, sad, stressful year. It's over half over, thank God. I am praying the rest of the year will be much smoother sailing!!!
I am back up to 200 again. UGH. UGH. UGH. Have I told you lately that I hate myself? Well, I do.
One More Week Until I Get A Fill
Jul 16, 2010
I am doing my best to try and not gain anymore weight. I weighed in at 196 this morning. I have been sticking to protein shakes and soups the past few days. I am mainly doing that because I kind of wanted to re-set my body like I did after surgery. My carb addictions are out control lately. I think it's helping. Knowing I will see Dr. Acosta in a week is helping, also. I know that he will be a bit disappointed with me for not losing weight, however, if I could lose weight without good restriction, I wouldn't have needed the band.
I have a small amount of restriction, I just really need to get back to where the band really did it's part, and then I will get back to losing weight, I am sure. I want to be able to wear some of the great clothes I bought last fall when the weather cools off this year!! I also want to get back to loving myself. I am tired of hating myself, but that is exactly how I feel these days. *sigh*
Auntie Flo showed up on Wednesday (07-14-10) and she has been a total bitch this month. I weighed up to 203 on Wednesday and she brought some VERY horrible cramps with her this time. UGH.
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I have a small amount of restriction, I just really need to get back to where the band really did it's part, and then I will get back to losing weight, I am sure. I want to be able to wear some of the great clothes I bought last fall when the weather cools off this year!! I also want to get back to loving myself. I am tired of hating myself, but that is exactly how I feel these days. *sigh*
Auntie Flo showed up on Wednesday (07-14-10) and she has been a total bitch this month. I weighed up to 203 on Wednesday and she brought some VERY horrible cramps with her this time. UGH.
I Am Such A Loser, And Not In A Good Way!!
Jul 06, 2010
I am making angry faces at myself. I deserve them! I do not have restriction, that so-called fill did not help one bit, however I need to get a grip on my eating. Seriously. I know that low carb eating is what I NEED to do....my addiction is very much out of control right now. I just don't want to go in to see Dr. Acosta having gained a lot more weight.
I went back and read my blog from when I got my 3rd fill that brought me to good restriction (back in May 2008). I had 3.5 CC's going in and he gave me 1.5. (That doc said I already had 4.1, but I doubt that was true, since the other Fill Centers docs can't seem to read a syringe correctly either). So minimum, I am thinking a total of 5 CC's will bring me back to a really good restriction. That means Dr. Acosta would need to give me 2 CC's. I don't think I can talk him in to that....but even 1 CC would be much better than what I have now. This is just ridiculous!
I ended up calling Fill Centers on Friday and telling them how horrible I think their trained providers are. I pray that they didn't damage my port or tubing!! Charlotte, from Fill Centers, was supposed to get back with me today. Nothing. I am not too surprised. Why does everyone want to rip me off lately?? UGH!!!
I am still hovering around 198 lbs. I am so disgusted with that. I went on a long walk tonight with my dogs.....I can change one thing at a time. I have no choice.
This Just Sucks!!
Jul 01, 2010
I had my appointment with the Fillcenters doc today. I weighed 199.99 on their scale. My BP was good, and when the PA found out I was a diabetic she took my BG and it was 117! I am so glad to know that. Well, I gave this woman my entire band history. 2 1/2 years with my band, I think I know quite a bit. I am sure WAY more than she knows when it comes to LapBand.
She first ticked me off by saying that Atkins was not a healthy diet. Eating ultra low carb works for some, and that's exactly what I NEED to be doing. For her to discourage me in doing that was stupid. Anyway.......once we get to the room where they do the fills, I got even more pissed off. She would stick the needle in and then search for the port by moving the needle around. WTF??? She ended up sticking me around 7 times.....she then called the doctor in and he stuck me another 5 times or so ,doing the same thing. He finally accessed the port then proceeded to tell me that I had 4 CC's in my band or maybe 5. No way!!! No way in hell is correct about this!!!
Dr. Acosta is a VERY thorough and diligent doctor. He told me that he did NOT prime my band when he did the surgery back in March and he has given me a total of 3 CC's. I know that my band only has 3 CC's in it. This fill doc would only give me 1/2 CC. At this point, I just wanted them to get their damn needle out of me and let me get back to work. They freaking incompetent as hell!! I told the PA that there is no way that I have 4 CC's. She then showed me an empty syringe and explained that it can be very hard to see the number exactly when you are talking suck small amounts. REALLY?? Then how in the hell do you know you even gave me a half CC?? He started to give me 3/4 of a CC then backed part of it out! How do I know that he didn't end up backing part of my original fill?? UGH!!! I am starving!!
That is NOT a good sign!! I can guzzle water, like before. I have no better restriction, yet my wallet is $165 lighter!! ARGH!!!! I am on liquids for 48 hours, so I don't know for sure that I didn't attain better restriction, but I would bet you money that I didn't! The only good thing is I still have my appointment with Dr. Acosta set up for July 23rd. That is 3 weeks away. I have learned my lesson.....on Dr. Acosta will touch me and my band from now on.
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She first ticked me off by saying that Atkins was not a healthy diet. Eating ultra low carb works for some, and that's exactly what I NEED to be doing. For her to discourage me in doing that was stupid. Anyway.......once we get to the room where they do the fills, I got even more pissed off. She would stick the needle in and then search for the port by moving the needle around. WTF??? She ended up sticking me around 7 times.....she then called the doctor in and he stuck me another 5 times or so ,doing the same thing. He finally accessed the port then proceeded to tell me that I had 4 CC's in my band or maybe 5. No way!!! No way in hell is correct about this!!!
Dr. Acosta is a VERY thorough and diligent doctor. He told me that he did NOT prime my band when he did the surgery back in March and he has given me a total of 3 CC's. I know that my band only has 3 CC's in it. This fill doc would only give me 1/2 CC. At this point, I just wanted them to get their damn needle out of me and let me get back to work. They freaking incompetent as hell!! I told the PA that there is no way that I have 4 CC's. She then showed me an empty syringe and explained that it can be very hard to see the number exactly when you are talking suck small amounts. REALLY?? Then how in the hell do you know you even gave me a half CC?? He started to give me 3/4 of a CC then backed part of it out! How do I know that he didn't end up backing part of my original fill?? UGH!!! I am starving!!
That is NOT a good sign!! I can guzzle water, like before. I have no better restriction, yet my wallet is $165 lighter!! ARGH!!!! I am on liquids for 48 hours, so I don't know for sure that I didn't attain better restriction, but I would bet you money that I didn't! The only good thing is I still have my appointment with Dr. Acosta set up for July 23rd. That is 3 weeks away. I have learned my lesson.....on Dr. Acosta will touch me and my band from now on.
About Me
Rio Rancho, NM
Location
31.0
BMI
Surgery
04/03/2012
Surgery Date
Jun 26, 2007
Member Since