melly37

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I have had a very weird and hard time the past two weeks.

I was messaging back and forth with a fellow bandster and we found that we have much of the same issues with losing weight.  Even though I KNOW that eating low carb is best for my body, it might not be helping me to lose weight.  I can still do low carb, but I think my main focus is going to be low calories for now.  My body seems to really only let go of weight when I stay at a very low calorie level. So, my goal starting today is to stay around 800-1,000 calories a day.  I will institute a "cheat" day, as I did in the past when I did low-calorie.  That will be on Saturday.......on Saturdays, I will indulge and allow myself more calories and even wine, or other alcohol. 

I was in vacation all of last week.  It was not a good week for me personally.  My BF and I ALMOST broke up.  We didn't talk for three of the days, and one of those days we were in the car all day together.  Talk about stress, anxiety, sadness and anger all wrapped up in to one.  UGH.       

We have patched things up, and for now everything is good.  I am still a little shaken over all of this, but I am taking this time to re-focus on me and my health. 

Good news is, I weigh what I did two weeks ago, at my last posting.  I am still at 197 and I haven't worked out AT ALL and I have eaten crap. I feel my body going soft though since I haven't been lifting weights.  I am sure tonight at the gym will be a rude awakening for me.  ha ha ha

I did end up canceling the appointment I had with Dr. Acosta.  I feel okay about that.  I know I don't need a fill, and I am not going to actively try and have another surgery at this time.  I need to really give this band my all.  I have a tool that works when I use it.  It was funny, after I canceled my appointment it seemed like my band opened up.  I was able to eat quite a variety of foods and bigger portions.  So, for a day or two, I was thinking........"Oh crap!!  I might have needed a fill after all!"  But, as always, that passes........my band is very fickle.  I think my period threw me off.  I started my period on the 13th of April, and unlike most times, my band didn't severely tighten up during that week.  "Journey", my band, seems to be in good working order now, keeping my portions small and basically, keeping me away from chicken.  LOL  I just don't seem to be able to tolerate chicken very well. 

So, to start the week off, I am vowing to get in my walks.........go to the gym..........and eat low calorie!!  Hopefully, when I check in next week I will be down a couple of pounds.  I hope to break in to the 180's in 2-3 weeks.  Let's do this!!!

Well, the CR passed, so work is back to "business as usual", which is good.......but man o man, that was very stressful last week!!  UGH!!  I want to cuss out the a-holes for putting me through that!! 

I did learn a lesson from last week.  I am still very bad at succombing to stress with my eating.  I immediately let myself off of the hook with eating AND exercise because I was under stress.  Not good.  Life is going to be full of stress, and as I have noted, my trusty band might not be with me for a lifetime.  That's just the facts.  I really need to work on that.  I picked up a book over the weekend that has been reccomended on the LapBand board called, "The End Of Overeating" by David Kessler.  I have heard very good things about it.  I hope that it helps me get to a sane place with my eating.

I though things out this weekend and have decided that I will probably cancel my appointment with Dr. Acosta this Friday.  Debra, the nurse, called me this past Friday to remind me of my appointment.  I told her that I didn't need an adjustment, but thought about inquiring about a revision.  She told me that he wouldn't do that....said he would only revise me to another band, but not a different surgery.  Hmmmmmm   That's not what he told me last fall when he mentioned we could look in to getting the sleeve for me if I don't lose weight with good restriction. 

I told Debra (whom I love) that I was very frustrated with my weightloss.  I have been very good with my exercise over the last 3 months and pretty good with my eating, but the scale wasn't moving.  She reminded me that muscle weighs more than fat.  Blah blah blah.   That gets harder to swallow, the longer I stay at this current weight. 

I thought about it quite a bit over the weekend and I don't have enough answers, but I have come to some conclusions and goals for myself. 

I know that I do not need a fill.  I don't want my band to be any tighter than it is right now.  Besides, head hunger, I rarely feel hungry right now, and I can only eat about 1/2 to 3/4 cup of solid protein at a time. 

I also know that I need to seriously stay away from simple carbs period, and try to stay away from complex carbs as much as possible.  I also need to keep being faithful with my exercise and turn it up a notch when I can.  Water, water, water.........I HAVE to start getting my water in EVERY SINGLE DAY!!  I have been very bad about that.  I am not sure why, but I have. 

I am vowing to track everything for a bit.  If I can see on paper that my carbs and calories are good, and my exercise is good, but I am still not losing weight, then I will make an appointment with my PCP.  I want to make sure my thyroid is working properly.   

I have been lucky, since I was so bad last week........the scale showed 197 this morning.  I was expecting to be back to 200.  I am thankful, I wasn't!!

So, for now, not looking to revise to a different WLS, just looking to make sure the one that I have does the job, along with ME.  Here we go!!

I added, "yet" because I know that I CAN do anything I have my mind set on. 

What is my demon, you ask?  Stress and eating.  This week has just been filled with stress.  I have turned to food, bad food, to get me through! 

I met with my ex about a few things we had to discuss.  I hadn't seen him in over a year.  I was stressing the entire day, before driving over to his apartment.  The meeting was okay.  It was all so surreal though.  On one hand, it was good to talk to an old friend, but on the other hand, this friend has caused me a whole lot of pain. 

On top of that, I am a government employee.  Will I be going to work on Monday?  Am I going to be slated as an essential employee?  I have vacation time with my sweetie planned on the 18th.......will I have to canel?  If I am not categorized as essential, then how long will we be out?  Will Congress vote to retroactive pay us?    We are running around the office, meeting after meeting, trying to get ready for a possible shut down.  It's stressful.  And............food has been my security blanket. 

Of course, bad, high carb foods are not my friend.  I feel guilty and even worse after consuming them.  *sigh* 

I have had things to get done in the evenings and even sluffed off exercise.  I only went to the gym one night this week. 



Never fails, the only thing that really knocks me off of my winning streak, is ME.  I think there is sometimes a part of me that can't allow myself to succeed.....I need to fix that.