As I begin yet another week ( promising to behave in my eating) I feel reflective, as I have a lot on my mind.
I turned 43 years old on Sunday. In some ways, I have accomplished only a few things that my child self dreamed I would be. However, in many respects, I have surpassed any expectation I had of myself when I was a very young adult. By the time I was a young adult, I knew I had a major addiction to foods. I was a single mother who married an abusive creep.
That young lady had pretty much given up on having a life she had always wanted. A life of a thin person, a life of a financially comfortable person, and a life shared with a wonderful, loving man.
I have been given a wonderful tool....well, actually two tools to help me get to that thin woman I always wanted to be. I first had the LapBand, that helped me to get down to a size 10. I also credit this tool for giving me the gumption to make some very positive and emotionally healthier decisions in my life.
When my band ended up not working in my best interest, by not allowing me to eat healthy foods a good 60-80% of the time, I dreamed of revising to a new tool. My wish was granted, and my insurance company allowed me to revise to the sleeve. During my struggles with the band, I had regained, lost and regained some weight. At the time of my VSG revision, I was back in to size 14's, but had gone back to size 16's and some of those were tight, at one point.
I have been pretty open and public about my ongoing weight and eating problems, even after getting this wonderful tool in my life. I have only lost about 20 pounds in the last 7 months. I still want to lose another 30 pounds. Every time I take one step forward I end up taking two steps back.
So, I sit back and reflect. I have achieved much more than I gave myself credit as having the potential to achieve. I have a good job. I am not rich, I still live paycheck to paycheck, mostly.....but I live much nicer than I did in my early 20's. I have an incredible man in my life, that shows me love, friendship and respect every single day. My son has grown in to a great young man. I am thinner than I was for years and years......yet, food still occupies most of my thoughts. It's time to slay this dragon.
I am going to book an appointment with eating disorder therapist. I lived through a very abusive father, and went through counseling for all of that. I KNOW that being a victim of sexual abuse is a great contributing factor to my eating disorder, but I refuse to let him effect this important part of my mental and physical health. It's time to give my brain the same tools, I gave my body by getting weight loss surgery.
I will keep everyone posted!
As for the here and now, I have been holding pretty steady at the same weight. I actually dropped a few pounds after my last period ended on the 12th of November. BUT, my body gladly added those back on. Grrrrr. I was 181 this morning. I see Dr. Acosta two weeks from this Friday. I need to see some loss before then, so I am working it hard!! Good luck to everyone!!