melly37
First Real Therapy Session Down
Jan 31, 2013
I saw my therapist for the 3rd time earlier today. The first two times were just intake, and not much happened. Truthfully, not much happened today, either. I think my frustration came out and I felt bad. The therapist has me keeping a food log. So, I have to write down what I ate, when I ate, where I ate it and what I was feeling when I ate it.
She spent the first 10 minutes weighing me and explaining to me what a BMI is. Really? Then she went over my food log with me. She asked about the choices I made, how I felt, etc., then our time was up. WTF? I told her, "Are we just going to go over my food log each time? I can go to a nutritionist for that. I thought this was cognitive behavioral therapy?" She got defensive about it (rightly so) and explained to me that she is still trying to assess how to best help me. She can't do that if she doesn't know my patterns and my impulses. I felt bad, but hey ,I am a menstruating woman, that is a valid excuse, right? ha ha I did apologize to her.
I am just having tiny doubts about how we mesh together. Last week she said she doesn't believe in food addictions / carb addictions. Hmmmmmm, I have to tell you, that sort of disturbs me. I know not everyone believes in it, but I do. I don't use it as an excuse, but I very well do feel I need a "fix" quite a bit and need some carbs to ease my anxiety. *sigh* I don't know. Maybe that's the entire point of me going to therapy for food disorders. Maybe when it's all said and done, I won't believe in food addictions either. We'll see. I will give her an honest chance. I haven't been doing a bang up job on my own. That's for sure.
As stated before, my period showed up this week. I have eaten like crap quite a bit, using that as an excuse. My weight is back up a bit. Not too worried about because I was at 182.2 this morning. I know when my period is gone, a couple of pounds will go with it! I just need to push past and get solidly back to the 170's and beyond.
Hope everyone has had a successful week and has a wonderful weekend!!
Therapy To Stop Food Therapy
Jan 14, 2013
Yesterday was my first day of therapy for eating disorders. The first couple of sessions are just intake, where the therapist will ask me a ton of questions to assess what my issues might be and where they came from. This of course led to extensive talks about my sexual abuse. It's not to fun to re-live it all. I saw a therapist almost 10 years ago to conquer those demons, and for the most part, my therapist then, did an excellent job of helping me to become a stronger and more confident person. That therapist told me she didn't specialize in eating disorders and wasn't sure how to help me in that department. What she did do, was give me the confidence to start making some better decisions in my life. One of which, was pursuing WLS.
The earlier therapy coupled with losing a lot of my excess weight after WLS, really helped me to grow and to attain a much happier and satisfying life. I will be forever grateful.
I battle with my food addictions ever single day. So, I am excited about this new round of therapy, and hopeful this therapist will help me to finally have a normal relationship with food. I am sure that I used food and my own fat as a comfort and a shield from an early age. It's time to learn new ways to cope with everyday anxieties and stresses.
I am moderately content with my current size, but I sincerely do want to AT LEAST lose another 20 pounds, and I for sure, want to shed my addiction to food.
I stayed on the 4 Hour Body eating plan last week, as my sweetheart really wants to do this. It wasn't too bad. Our cheat day was Saturday, and we got a late start. So, like any reasonable person would do (insert sarcasm) we extended our cheat day through Sunday, in order to get in all of our planned cheats. LOL It came in handy, as our water pipes froze and we were busy trying to get running water again, until 10pm. It sucked!!
My weight didn't suffer too badly. I had gotten down to 179.8 on Friday, and today it was 180.6. I am hoping by Friday, I will be down to 178 or below. Then, another glorious cheat day. Ha ha ha
I need to incorporate exercise back in to my plan. Just been very lazy. This cold weather leaves me wanting to do NOTHING. UGH. Hope everyone else is keeping warm.
5 Years Of Struggling, Learning, Succeeding
Jan 08, 2013
Thursday marks the 5th anniversary of me getting WLS. My LapBand was installed on that day. I have since had a second surgery to fix a slip, then a third surgery to revise to my lovely VSG.
My life has changed in so many ways since that cold day in January. I would say that my life has changed for the better, for sure. After 5 years, I am STILL not at goal. I have had many pitfalls and roadblocks (some self-imposed) along the way. This isn't a race, it's a journey.
I am still wearing "normal" sizes, even after some weight gain a few years ago, so, I am thankful for that. My A1C numbers are great. What I am most proud of is how I have changed internally. I am much happier, confident and wiser for everything I have gone through. I got out of a bad marriage a few years back, and eventually ended up with the man of my dreams.
The lingering food obsessions and addictions that I have, I am tackling. I am on a waiting list to see an eating disorder therapist, which I am excited about. I know that I can get to goal, eventually. I really must say that I have enjoyed the ride thus far.
After my last post, I just totally went in to holiday mode. I didn't worry about what I ate, etc. Luckily, I didn't really gain any weight. *Whew*. I am at 181, as of this morning. I have been in the same 5 pound range for MONTHS now. I am back on track, and watching what I eat. This year WILL be successful....just as the previous 5 have been!